does that not bother you.
Course it does, I says, there’s not a day goes by I don’t think about some of the poor cunts we done over especially now when I’ve got too much time on my hands, it’s going to fuck me up so it is but what can you do sure we’re not the first ones to go down this road.
Olly looked disgusted and sort of disappointed. I’d seen that look on people’s faces before when I gave them the lowdown.
I know what you’re thinking, I says, you thought there was something romantic about the struggle sure you’re not the only one, there’s thousands of Americans give money to the IRA every year thinking they’re helping out freedom fighters or something, what a laugh the whole thing’s one big fucking joke, the UDA the INLA the UVF the Provos and every bunch of lads with guns and Semtex it’s in their interest to keep the Troubles going on forever, sure you know how ye can spot a terrorist in Belfast? He’s the one wearing a tracksuit and a baseball cap, driving a BMW 7 Series.
Everyone knows who we are but they’re all too scaredto say something, sure who would you go to anyway, the peelers? Big Jim was a chief superintendent in the RUC, how’d you think we got things done? No one could touch us except now these aul politicians are trying to fuck it up for everyone.
Olly thought about this for a minute. The aircon on the bus was freezing, I tried turning it down on the wee panel above us but it didn’t seem to make much difference.
This doesn’t answer my question about why you’re here, he goes.
Aye. Sure, why don’t we just watch The Nutty Professor for a bit.
9
So much for the glitz and glamour of Bangkok. Olly took us straight to this dive he knew about fifteen minute’s walk from Khao San Road, it was dodgy as fuck but at least it was nothing like them backpacker places with a big lounge room always playing some Hollywood movie like Predator 2, it’s not bad that one but the original’s hard to beat like. Me and Mark used to do the scene where Arnie meets his aul mate the black fella and they shake hands with their muscles bulging, what’s the matter Montgomery one of us would say, the UVF got you pushing too many pencils. Funny as fuck. Our Mark used to say get to the chopper Billy all the time, we don’t have a fucking chopper, I’d say, sure we’ve only a Nissan Micra. That would crack him up so it would.
The rooms were about the dirtiest I’d ever stayed inand I was thinking it might be about time for me to check into the Ritz for a week just so’s I wouldn’t go mental. Olly wouldn’t hear talk of it mind sure he’d sleep in a ditch rather than pay money for a bed, he must of been running low on funds or something that was why he didn’t mind us shooting on up to Bangkok so he could line up a wee job with yer man Mr Carson he’d talked about. It sounded like trouble but sure I’d a contact in Bangkok myself I intended looking up when Olly wasn’t about, I’d a wee plan of my own brewing.
The Bangkok’s wild so it is, sure there’s loads to do, Buddhist temples and that to see if that’s your thing. Just ask the driver of one of them tuk-tuks to take ye and he will right enough no bother, happy to help as long as you don’t mind spending two and a half hours being fitted for an aul cheap suit by his brother-in-law’s second cousin twice removed in a backstreet tailor’s conveniently located about ten miles in the opposite direction. Or else you could take a wander down the Khao San market and buy yourself a lovely pad thai cooked in an upturned bin lid, might give ye the gastro but sure that’s part of the experience.
The safest way to spend your afternoon is probably to go to one of the sex shows down in Patpong sure they’ve got everything the westerner wants to see pussy opens bottle, fish in pussy and yer aul favourite the classic ping-pong ball act, sure it never gets stale though how minging is it? I’m sure they don’t sterilise those
Course it does, I says, there’s not a day goes by I don’t think about some of the poor cunts we done over especially now when I’ve got too much time on my hands, it’s going to fuck me up so it is but what can you do sure we’re not the first ones to go down this road.
Olly looked disgusted and sort of disappointed. I’d seen that look on people’s faces before when I gave them the lowdown.
I know what you’re thinking, I says, you thought there was something romantic about the struggle sure you’re not the only one, there’s thousands of Americans give money to the IRA every year thinking they’re helping out freedom fighters or something, what a laugh the whole thing’s one big fucking joke, the UDA the INLA the UVF the Provos and every bunch of lads with guns and Semtex it’s in their interest to keep the Troubles going on forever, sure you know how ye can spot a terrorist in Belfast? He’s the one wearing a tracksuit and a baseball cap, driving a BMW 7 Series.
Everyone knows who we are but they’re all too scaredto say something, sure who would you go to anyway, the peelers? Big Jim was a chief superintendent in the RUC, how’d you think we got things done? No one could touch us except now these aul politicians are trying to fuck it up for everyone.
Olly thought about this for a minute. The aircon on the bus was freezing, I tried turning it down on the wee panel above us but it didn’t seem to make much difference.
This doesn’t answer my question about why you’re here, he goes.
Aye. Sure, why don’t we just watch The Nutty Professor for a bit.
9
So much for the glitz and glamour of Bangkok. Olly took us straight to this dive he knew about fifteen minute’s walk from Khao San Road, it was dodgy as fuck but at least it was nothing like them backpacker places with a big lounge room always playing some Hollywood movie like Predator 2, it’s not bad that one but the original’s hard to beat like. Me and Mark used to do the scene where Arnie meets his aul mate the black fella and they shake hands with their muscles bulging, what’s the matter Montgomery one of us would say, the UVF got you pushing too many pencils. Funny as fuck. Our Mark used to say get to the chopper Billy all the time, we don’t have a fucking chopper, I’d say, sure we’ve only a Nissan Micra. That would crack him up so it would.
The rooms were about the dirtiest I’d ever stayed inand I was thinking it might be about time for me to check into the Ritz for a week just so’s I wouldn’t go mental. Olly wouldn’t hear talk of it mind sure he’d sleep in a ditch rather than pay money for a bed, he must of been running low on funds or something that was why he didn’t mind us shooting on up to Bangkok so he could line up a wee job with yer man Mr Carson he’d talked about. It sounded like trouble but sure I’d a contact in Bangkok myself I intended looking up when Olly wasn’t about, I’d a wee plan of my own brewing.
The Bangkok’s wild so it is, sure there’s loads to do, Buddhist temples and that to see if that’s your thing. Just ask the driver of one of them tuk-tuks to take ye and he will right enough no bother, happy to help as long as you don’t mind spending two and a half hours being fitted for an aul cheap suit by his brother-in-law’s second cousin twice removed in a backstreet tailor’s conveniently located about ten miles in the opposite direction. Or else you could take a wander down the Khao San market and buy yourself a lovely pad thai cooked in an upturned bin lid, might give ye the gastro but sure that’s part of the experience.
The safest way to spend your afternoon is probably to go to one of the sex shows down in Patpong sure they’ve got everything the westerner wants to see pussy opens bottle, fish in pussy and yer aul favourite the classic ping-pong ball act, sure it never gets stale though how minging is it? I’m sure they don’t sterilise those
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