to ask to borrow money. He had none to spare, but arranged
for my passage to Siltbay, to talk to his elder brother Flint. I've
told you how that ended. I worked my way back here on a fishing
boat, Newboy, gutting fish and putting them down in salt. I came
back to Buckkeep like a beaten dog. And I swallowed my pride and
came up here that day, and found out how stupid I was, how you'd
pretended and lied to me. You are a bastard, Newboy. You
are.
For a moment I listened to an odd sound, trying
to comprehend what it was. Then I knew. She was crying, in little
catches of her breath. I knew if I tried to stand and go to her,
I'd fall on my face. Or I'd reach her, and she'd knock me flat. So
stupidly as any drunk, I repeated, Well, what about Jade, then? Why
did you find it so easy to go to him? Why didn't you come to me
first?
I told you! He's my cousin, you moron! Her anger
flared past her tears. When you're in trouble, you turn to your
family. I asked him for help, and he took me to his family's farm,
to help out with the harvest. A moment of silence. Then,
incredulously: What did you think? That I was the type of woman who
could have another man on the side? Icily. That I would let you
court me, and be seeing someone else?
No. I didn't say that.
Of course you would. She said it as if it
suddenly all made sense. You're like my father. He always believed
I lied, because he told so many lies himself. Just like you. `Oh,
I'm not drunk,' when you stink of it and you can barely stand. And
your stupid story: `I dreamed of you at Siltbay.' Everyone in town
knew I went to Siltbay. You probably heard the whole story tonight,
while you were sitting in some tavern.
No, I didn't, Molly. You have to believe me. I
clutched at the blankets on the bed to keep myself upright. She had
turned her back on me.
No. I don't! I don't have to believe anyone
anymore. She paused, as if considering something. You know, once, a
long time ago, when I was a little, little girl. Before I even met
you. Her voice was getting oddly calmer. Emptier, but calmer. It
was at Springfest. I remember when I asked my daddy for some
pennies for the fair booths, he slapped me and said he wouldn't
waste money on foolish things like that. And then he locked me in
the shop and went drinking. But even then I knew how to get out of
the shop. I went to the fair booths anyway, just to see them. One
was an old man telling fortunes with crystals. You know how they
do. They hold the crystal to a candle's light, and tell your future
by how the colors fall across your face. She paused.
I know, I admitted to her silence. I knew the
type of Hedge wizard she meant. I'd seen the dance of colored
lights across a woman's close-eyed face. Right now I only wished I
could see Molly clearly. I thought if I could meet her eyes, I
could make her see the truth inside me. I wished I dared stand, to
go to her and try to hold her again. But she thought me drunk, and
I knew I'd fall. I would not shame myself in front of her
again.
A lot of the other girls and women were getting
their fortunes told. But I didn't have a penny, so I could only
watch. But after a bit the old man noticed me. I guess he thought I
was shy. He asked me if I didn't want to know my fortune. And I
started crying, because I did, but I didn't have a penny. Then
Brinna the fishwife laughed, and said there was no need for me to
pay to know it. Everyone knew my future already. I was the daughter
of a drunk, I'd be the wife of a drunk, and the mother of drunks.
She whispered, Everyone started laughing. Even the old
man.
Molly, I said. I don't think she even heard
me.
I still don't have a penny, she said slowly. But
at least I know I won't be the wife of a drunk. I don't think I
even want to be friends with one.
You have to listen to me. You're not being fair!
My traitorous tongue slurred my words. I-
The door slammed.
-didn't know you liked me that way, I said
stupidly to the cold and empty room.
The shaking overtook me in
for my passage to Siltbay, to talk to his elder brother Flint. I've
told you how that ended. I worked my way back here on a fishing
boat, Newboy, gutting fish and putting them down in salt. I came
back to Buckkeep like a beaten dog. And I swallowed my pride and
came up here that day, and found out how stupid I was, how you'd
pretended and lied to me. You are a bastard, Newboy. You
are.
For a moment I listened to an odd sound, trying
to comprehend what it was. Then I knew. She was crying, in little
catches of her breath. I knew if I tried to stand and go to her,
I'd fall on my face. Or I'd reach her, and she'd knock me flat. So
stupidly as any drunk, I repeated, Well, what about Jade, then? Why
did you find it so easy to go to him? Why didn't you come to me
first?
I told you! He's my cousin, you moron! Her anger
flared past her tears. When you're in trouble, you turn to your
family. I asked him for help, and he took me to his family's farm,
to help out with the harvest. A moment of silence. Then,
incredulously: What did you think? That I was the type of woman who
could have another man on the side? Icily. That I would let you
court me, and be seeing someone else?
No. I didn't say that.
Of course you would. She said it as if it
suddenly all made sense. You're like my father. He always believed
I lied, because he told so many lies himself. Just like you. `Oh,
I'm not drunk,' when you stink of it and you can barely stand. And
your stupid story: `I dreamed of you at Siltbay.' Everyone in town
knew I went to Siltbay. You probably heard the whole story tonight,
while you were sitting in some tavern.
No, I didn't, Molly. You have to believe me. I
clutched at the blankets on the bed to keep myself upright. She had
turned her back on me.
No. I don't! I don't have to believe anyone
anymore. She paused, as if considering something. You know, once, a
long time ago, when I was a little, little girl. Before I even met
you. Her voice was getting oddly calmer. Emptier, but calmer. It
was at Springfest. I remember when I asked my daddy for some
pennies for the fair booths, he slapped me and said he wouldn't
waste money on foolish things like that. And then he locked me in
the shop and went drinking. But even then I knew how to get out of
the shop. I went to the fair booths anyway, just to see them. One
was an old man telling fortunes with crystals. You know how they
do. They hold the crystal to a candle's light, and tell your future
by how the colors fall across your face. She paused.
I know, I admitted to her silence. I knew the
type of Hedge wizard she meant. I'd seen the dance of colored
lights across a woman's close-eyed face. Right now I only wished I
could see Molly clearly. I thought if I could meet her eyes, I
could make her see the truth inside me. I wished I dared stand, to
go to her and try to hold her again. But she thought me drunk, and
I knew I'd fall. I would not shame myself in front of her
again.
A lot of the other girls and women were getting
their fortunes told. But I didn't have a penny, so I could only
watch. But after a bit the old man noticed me. I guess he thought I
was shy. He asked me if I didn't want to know my fortune. And I
started crying, because I did, but I didn't have a penny. Then
Brinna the fishwife laughed, and said there was no need for me to
pay to know it. Everyone knew my future already. I was the daughter
of a drunk, I'd be the wife of a drunk, and the mother of drunks.
She whispered, Everyone started laughing. Even the old
man.
Molly, I said. I don't think she even heard
me.
I still don't have a penny, she said slowly. But
at least I know I won't be the wife of a drunk. I don't think I
even want to be friends with one.
You have to listen to me. You're not being fair!
My traitorous tongue slurred my words. I-
The door slammed.
-didn't know you liked me that way, I said
stupidly to the cold and empty room.
The shaking overtook me in
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