Coming Around: Parenting Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Kids by Anne Dohrenwend Page B
Authors: Anne Dohrenwend
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polite, but not welcoming. While Keith’s mom has reluctantly accepted Keith’s homosexuality,she manages to work comments into the conversation such as, “Keith is going to do what Keith wants to do regardless of how it affects the rest of us.” These comments bother Keith’s partner, but Keith ignores what his mother says. When Keith’s mother comments that the gay rights sticker on Keith’s car is an invitation to get beaten up, Keith removes it, saying, “It’s only a sticker!” His partner says, “No. It’s about a lot more than a sticker.”
The boyfriend is right! Keith’s mom and Keith are enmeshed. Keith’s failure to individuate or separate from his mother stunts his growth. At this age he should be asserting his identity. He should be able to stand up for himself and for what is important to him. If he can’t break away from his mother, he will likely have difficulty facing the next stages of social-emotional development. Keith’s enmeshment with his mother is interfering with his relationship with his partner. Removing the gay rights sticker from his car suggests that Keith’s unhealthy relationship with his mother is chipping away at his integrity.
Allowing your child to separate from you will not diminish your connection with your child. Instead it will allow for a new connection, one based on mutual love and respect. While young children require parental supervision and intervention, young adults don’t. They require room to grow. If given that room, they will want to share their adventures with you. Your child may not always need your permission or want your advice, but he or she will always need your love.
Chapter 22
Optimizing Health Care
W hen one segment of the population displays a greater tendency for certain health problems as compared to the general population, that group suffers from health disparities. When a group is identified as suffering from health disparities, the medical community tries to find out why. As discussed in previous chapters, LGBTQs suffer from a number of health disparities, e.g., they experience certain medical problems at a higher rate than the general population.
Another problem that affects LGBTQs is diminished access to care. There are many problems that limit access to care, such as being in a rural location or speaking a language different from that of most providers. In the case of LGBTQs, access to care has been negatively affected by lack of health insurance and the perception that healthcare providers are biased. For example, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, only about one-third of US employers offer same-sex partner benefits, such as health insurance. In accordance with this bias, LGBs have a greater number of unmet medical needs than their heterosexual counterparts. Lesbians are less likely than heterosexual women to receive preventive screenings such as breast exams, pap smears and mammograms. Gay men are at risk for delaying preventive screening that results in late cancer diagnosis and treatment.
While the American Medical Association recognizes that health disparities exist for LGBTQs, many medical schools and residencies still fail to provide adequate training about LGBTQ health-related concerns. In addition, many physicians feel inadequately prepared to ask their patients about sexual orientation, sexual attraction and gender orientation when taking a sexual history. 1 The lack of training affects care. Not asking about sexual and gender orientation can result in failure to screen for LGBTQ health risks, such as suicidal thinking. 2
Many otherwise excellent physicians have not explored their internalized homophobia. Doctors who are not self-aware in this area can, by their silence or by their advice, do harm to your gay or transgender child. Because the medical interview is designed for heterosexuals, it takes special training to hear and properly respond to the needs of sexual minorities. In my experience as a health
The boyfriend is right! Keith’s mom and Keith are enmeshed. Keith’s failure to individuate or separate from his mother stunts his growth. At this age he should be asserting his identity. He should be able to stand up for himself and for what is important to him. If he can’t break away from his mother, he will likely have difficulty facing the next stages of social-emotional development. Keith’s enmeshment with his mother is interfering with his relationship with his partner. Removing the gay rights sticker from his car suggests that Keith’s unhealthy relationship with his mother is chipping away at his integrity.
Allowing your child to separate from you will not diminish your connection with your child. Instead it will allow for a new connection, one based on mutual love and respect. While young children require parental supervision and intervention, young adults don’t. They require room to grow. If given that room, they will want to share their adventures with you. Your child may not always need your permission or want your advice, but he or she will always need your love.
Chapter 22
Optimizing Health Care
W hen one segment of the population displays a greater tendency for certain health problems as compared to the general population, that group suffers from health disparities. When a group is identified as suffering from health disparities, the medical community tries to find out why. As discussed in previous chapters, LGBTQs suffer from a number of health disparities, e.g., they experience certain medical problems at a higher rate than the general population.
Another problem that affects LGBTQs is diminished access to care. There are many problems that limit access to care, such as being in a rural location or speaking a language different from that of most providers. In the case of LGBTQs, access to care has been negatively affected by lack of health insurance and the perception that healthcare providers are biased. For example, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, only about one-third of US employers offer same-sex partner benefits, such as health insurance. In accordance with this bias, LGBs have a greater number of unmet medical needs than their heterosexual counterparts. Lesbians are less likely than heterosexual women to receive preventive screenings such as breast exams, pap smears and mammograms. Gay men are at risk for delaying preventive screening that results in late cancer diagnosis and treatment.
While the American Medical Association recognizes that health disparities exist for LGBTQs, many medical schools and residencies still fail to provide adequate training about LGBTQ health-related concerns. In addition, many physicians feel inadequately prepared to ask their patients about sexual orientation, sexual attraction and gender orientation when taking a sexual history. 1 The lack of training affects care. Not asking about sexual and gender orientation can result in failure to screen for LGBTQ health risks, such as suicidal thinking. 2
Many otherwise excellent physicians have not explored their internalized homophobia. Doctors who are not self-aware in this area can, by their silence or by their advice, do harm to your gay or transgender child. Because the medical interview is designed for heterosexuals, it takes special training to hear and properly respond to the needs of sexual minorities. In my experience as a health
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