We both were thinking of the exact same thing, only from different ends, and we both had come to the same conclusion.
Only trouble with that is that now that I had gotten what I thought I wanted, I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t thought about what kind of effect it would have on Dad, and I just didn’t want to see him hurt anymore. He’d spent too much time alone after Mom had died. Everyone said so. Said it was “unnatural” for a man to stay single for so long. Then said it was “sinful” when he started dating again in earnest. He couldn’t win for losing. But none of the relationships ever lasted long. I was always the issue.
No one wanted to be the mother of “Grace the Freak”, the gangly, weird looking girl who had somehow survived a horrible car without a single scratch on her while her mother burned to death.
But Janice was willing. She wanted to be a part of Dad’s life as much as he wanted to be a part of hers. She just didn’t want it so badly that she’d come between the two of us. I saw that now. I saw all of it, and I felt ashamed. I was being just as cruel as Erica…as Graham. I shook my head. I would stop it.
“Dad,” I began, trying hard to find the right words to express my remorse and guilt. “I think you should tell Janice that it’s okay if she wants to move in. She makes you happy, and that’s more than I’ve been able to do this past week. I can‘t find a reason to hate her for that, and I’m sorry I tried.”
I tried to gauge his reaction, see if what I had to say would please him. “You deserve to be happy, Dad. You deserve to have a second chance, just like everyone else. She’s your second chance. I see that now.”
His face was pinched, his shoulders were still hunched, and the words that I had hoped would have changed his entire demeanor weren’t enough. I suddenly felt worse.
“Grace, this isn’t something you can just fix by saying she can stay now. This isn’t high school, this is real life. She’s leaving, Grace. She heard back from a school up north that had a job opening and was just waiting to see if things could be worked out here. She came home with me to talk to you, but when I saw you dressed in some guy’s shirt, I couldn’t think about anything other than who you’d been with and why you were wearing his clothes-”
“I told you Dad, he gave it to me because I had spilled food all over my other one.” I interrupted, wishing that I hadn’t thrown away that shirt just to reassure him.
He nodded his head, an automatic reaction. He took a deep breath and sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Grace. Janice has made up her mind. Look, I’m tired. I think I’ll head up to bed. Don’t stay up too late.”
I scooted over on the bottom step and watched as he passed me by, looking dejected and absolutely miserable. My relenting on Janice was too late. My moment of unselfishness didn’t come soon enough, and knowing that I had been a factor in my dad’s unhappiness was weighing down on me with an incredible amount of pressure. Watching him slowly climb up the stairs, I knew I had to do something. I just didn’t know what. Not yet, anyway.
I was galvanized into action as soon as I heard his bedroom door close upstairs, the clicking of the lock giving me an idea. Quickly, I went to the phonebook in the kitchen. I found the number I was looking for and started dialing like mad.
The ringing was torturous. I willed the person on the other end to answer while I ran over what I was going to say. Three rings. Answer . Four… ANSWER !!
”Hello?”
I let out a whoosh of breath, so relieved to hear that voice for the first time in my life, I actually started giggling.
“Um…hello? Who is this?”
“J-Janice? It’s me, Grace,” I blurted out, afraid I’d start giggling again and she’d confuse me for
Only trouble with that is that now that I had gotten what I thought I wanted, I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t thought about what kind of effect it would have on Dad, and I just didn’t want to see him hurt anymore. He’d spent too much time alone after Mom had died. Everyone said so. Said it was “unnatural” for a man to stay single for so long. Then said it was “sinful” when he started dating again in earnest. He couldn’t win for losing. But none of the relationships ever lasted long. I was always the issue.
No one wanted to be the mother of “Grace the Freak”, the gangly, weird looking girl who had somehow survived a horrible car without a single scratch on her while her mother burned to death.
But Janice was willing. She wanted to be a part of Dad’s life as much as he wanted to be a part of hers. She just didn’t want it so badly that she’d come between the two of us. I saw that now. I saw all of it, and I felt ashamed. I was being just as cruel as Erica…as Graham. I shook my head. I would stop it.
“Dad,” I began, trying hard to find the right words to express my remorse and guilt. “I think you should tell Janice that it’s okay if she wants to move in. She makes you happy, and that’s more than I’ve been able to do this past week. I can‘t find a reason to hate her for that, and I’m sorry I tried.”
I tried to gauge his reaction, see if what I had to say would please him. “You deserve to be happy, Dad. You deserve to have a second chance, just like everyone else. She’s your second chance. I see that now.”
His face was pinched, his shoulders were still hunched, and the words that I had hoped would have changed his entire demeanor weren’t enough. I suddenly felt worse.
“Grace, this isn’t something you can just fix by saying she can stay now. This isn’t high school, this is real life. She’s leaving, Grace. She heard back from a school up north that had a job opening and was just waiting to see if things could be worked out here. She came home with me to talk to you, but when I saw you dressed in some guy’s shirt, I couldn’t think about anything other than who you’d been with and why you were wearing his clothes-”
“I told you Dad, he gave it to me because I had spilled food all over my other one.” I interrupted, wishing that I hadn’t thrown away that shirt just to reassure him.
He nodded his head, an automatic reaction. He took a deep breath and sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Grace. Janice has made up her mind. Look, I’m tired. I think I’ll head up to bed. Don’t stay up too late.”
I scooted over on the bottom step and watched as he passed me by, looking dejected and absolutely miserable. My relenting on Janice was too late. My moment of unselfishness didn’t come soon enough, and knowing that I had been a factor in my dad’s unhappiness was weighing down on me with an incredible amount of pressure. Watching him slowly climb up the stairs, I knew I had to do something. I just didn’t know what. Not yet, anyway.
I was galvanized into action as soon as I heard his bedroom door close upstairs, the clicking of the lock giving me an idea. Quickly, I went to the phonebook in the kitchen. I found the number I was looking for and started dialing like mad.
The ringing was torturous. I willed the person on the other end to answer while I ran over what I was going to say. Three rings. Answer . Four… ANSWER !!
”Hello?”
I let out a whoosh of breath, so relieved to hear that voice for the first time in my life, I actually started giggling.
“Um…hello? Who is this?”
“J-Janice? It’s me, Grace,” I blurted out, afraid I’d start giggling again and she’d confuse me for
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