keeps bringing it up.” I take a step back, release him. “Maybe you’re the one overthinking your responses.”
“Is seeing Gabby married making you want that for yourself?”
Is that what this is? I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. Marriage before finishing school was never a part of the plan, but sometimes plans are overrated. I shake my head.
“Is it the kids?”
That is a large part of it. I’d be lying to say it isn’t. Joe’s ready for that. He’s ready for all of it. And any doubts I had as to the validity of those statements he made to me were gone the moment I found out he’d been seeing Rebecca. As if that wasn’t enough, he essentially brought her to meet the family.
Does this have anything at all to even do with the car conversation? Would it matter if Ryan told me right now he’d changed his mind? If he dropped to one knee right here, would I cover my mouth in elation and surprise, nodding in disbelief?
If Ryan said he wanted to make a baby with me tonight, would that suddenly fix everything that feels so screwed up between us? My eyes drift away…back to the spot where his brother had been kissing another girl. They’re no longer there, and my body becomes heavy. “I don’t think so. The kids thing.” That’s a fair statement.
How have I managed to get myself into this mess? Better yet. How do I get myself out of it? “I said I didn’t want to discuss anything here tonight. We don’t get much time off. Let’s try not to spend it arguing.”
His brows scrunch together, the lines of his forehead rippling. “You think this is arguing?”
“I guess not. But it’s certainly not pleasant conversation. I’m asking again for a change in subject.” I gaze at the glow of the white lights before us. “That seems to be too much to ask, though.”
“Requesting you open up and share your feelings with me seems like too much for you.”
I point between the two of us. “And this doesn’t feel much like an argument to you?” I turn around and start walking toward the dollhouse display. It’s my favorite place.
“Sam. Wait. Where are you going?”
My pace quickens, needing air between the two of us…space for my brain to process what’s happened over the course of the day. The closer I get to the dollhouse, the more congested the area is. People are everywhere.
“Sam. Wait up.”
It’s not like I have much of a choice. There are too many people for the tiny space. We’re going to get separated, and as much as I want distance, that would make things even more awkward. The more I lose my cool, the more questions he’s going to ask. Taking a deep breath, I exhale and squeeze my lids shut, which leads to a snippet of Joe kissing Rebecca to play. That causes me to flick my eyes back open.
When Ryan’s back at my side, I clear my throat. “Gabby and I didn’t have much experience with other children, but one year, Momma bought us this old dollhouse from a yard sale. She couldn’t afford much else. It was already put together, furnished, but it was still a hand-me-down.”
He nods.
“I don’t know about Gabby, but I know I pretended it was a home where the mother and father loved each other. There were lots of babies, and everyone was kind, caring, compassionate. Everyone was loved. There were no alcoholic drunk fathers or beaten sisters. There was no dysfunction.”
“Everyone has dysfunctions, Sam.”
“I was a child, Ryan. I know that now, but I didn’t then.” And as much as I want to believe there’s dysfunction in every family, my hope is that one day mine will be the exception. The car conversation creeps back into my thoughts. “When we came here last year, and I learned a father had built this life-sized dollhouse for his children, it became one of my favorite places.”
“Just because he built it for his kids doesn’t mean they were the perfect family. It just means he had more money to be able to provide for his kids. I’m sure your mother would
“Is seeing Gabby married making you want that for yourself?”
Is that what this is? I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. Marriage before finishing school was never a part of the plan, but sometimes plans are overrated. I shake my head.
“Is it the kids?”
That is a large part of it. I’d be lying to say it isn’t. Joe’s ready for that. He’s ready for all of it. And any doubts I had as to the validity of those statements he made to me were gone the moment I found out he’d been seeing Rebecca. As if that wasn’t enough, he essentially brought her to meet the family.
Does this have anything at all to even do with the car conversation? Would it matter if Ryan told me right now he’d changed his mind? If he dropped to one knee right here, would I cover my mouth in elation and surprise, nodding in disbelief?
If Ryan said he wanted to make a baby with me tonight, would that suddenly fix everything that feels so screwed up between us? My eyes drift away…back to the spot where his brother had been kissing another girl. They’re no longer there, and my body becomes heavy. “I don’t think so. The kids thing.” That’s a fair statement.
How have I managed to get myself into this mess? Better yet. How do I get myself out of it? “I said I didn’t want to discuss anything here tonight. We don’t get much time off. Let’s try not to spend it arguing.”
His brows scrunch together, the lines of his forehead rippling. “You think this is arguing?”
“I guess not. But it’s certainly not pleasant conversation. I’m asking again for a change in subject.” I gaze at the glow of the white lights before us. “That seems to be too much to ask, though.”
“Requesting you open up and share your feelings with me seems like too much for you.”
I point between the two of us. “And this doesn’t feel much like an argument to you?” I turn around and start walking toward the dollhouse display. It’s my favorite place.
“Sam. Wait. Where are you going?”
My pace quickens, needing air between the two of us…space for my brain to process what’s happened over the course of the day. The closer I get to the dollhouse, the more congested the area is. People are everywhere.
“Sam. Wait up.”
It’s not like I have much of a choice. There are too many people for the tiny space. We’re going to get separated, and as much as I want distance, that would make things even more awkward. The more I lose my cool, the more questions he’s going to ask. Taking a deep breath, I exhale and squeeze my lids shut, which leads to a snippet of Joe kissing Rebecca to play. That causes me to flick my eyes back open.
When Ryan’s back at my side, I clear my throat. “Gabby and I didn’t have much experience with other children, but one year, Momma bought us this old dollhouse from a yard sale. She couldn’t afford much else. It was already put together, furnished, but it was still a hand-me-down.”
He nods.
“I don’t know about Gabby, but I know I pretended it was a home where the mother and father loved each other. There were lots of babies, and everyone was kind, caring, compassionate. Everyone was loved. There were no alcoholic drunk fathers or beaten sisters. There was no dysfunction.”
“Everyone has dysfunctions, Sam.”
“I was a child, Ryan. I know that now, but I didn’t then.” And as much as I want to believe there’s dysfunction in every family, my hope is that one day mine will be the exception. The car conversation creeps back into my thoughts. “When we came here last year, and I learned a father had built this life-sized dollhouse for his children, it became one of my favorite places.”
“Just because he built it for his kids doesn’t mean they were the perfect family. It just means he had more money to be able to provide for his kids. I’m sure your mother would
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