on between girls and boys she’d grown up with who now felt like strangers. The whole flirting ritual made her feel clueless. It was one thing to talk with Ania about who they had a crush on, quite another to actually deal face to face with the baffling mystery of boys.
Jen stared longingly at the lake. Once upon a time, not so long ago, only last summer, she and her girlfriends would’ve been playing in the water, floating on rafts, having swimming races, diving under and seeing who could hold her breath the longest.
Now, going to the beach meant tanning by the water’s edge and rarely getting your expensive new suit wet. She felt a sudden sharp stab of loss, a loneliness sweeping through her. Even Antia seemed beyond her now, stepping through an invisible yet concrete barrier into another world.
Jen felt the severe pang she’d once experienced as a little girl attending a slumber party when the night got too late and the house too strange. She wanted desperately to go home. Tears prickled her eyes and swelled her throat. She had to get away before she humiliated herself by crying like a baby simply because her friends were passing around a beer.
She nudged Antia’s arm. “Hey, I think I’m gonna walk home.” Antia turned toward her. “What? No you’re not. It’s way too far. Don’t be stupid.”
I’m not comfortable here. This isn’t how I pictured the afternoon. I miss the way we used to be. I’m sad. She couldn’t say any of those things so she said, “I mean I’m going to take a walk in the woods. Of course, I wouldn’t try to walk all the way home.”
“Want me to go with?” Antia sounded about as interested in doing that as in going to the dentist. Her attention was already drifting back toward the other girls and the annoying interlopers who’d at least made the afternoon more interesting. Now everyone was watching and laughing as Ryan Waters shotgunned a beer.
“That’s okay. I’ll be right back.” Jen rose and wished she’d thought to bring along a cover-up as several of the boys scanned her from head to toe before their gazes moved on, finding her lacking.
She picked up her towel, shook off sand and wrapped it around her waist. Then she folded her arms over her breasts, pushed her feet into her sandals and walked quickly up the path into the woods. The gravel parking lot was on the far side of a stand of trees, but she didn’t go there. She veered off on a narrow path that meandered between the trees. She knew it led to a stream that fed the lake and decided that was as good a place as any to go sulk for a while.
Despite the annoyance of having to swat a few deer flies, she immediately started to feel better. The knot in her stomach loosened. Leaves diffused the light, making a cool, green world that was like being trapped inside an emerald. Unseen birds chirped in the treetops and the buzz of cicadas warned that summer was ending and a new school year would swallow her up soon.
Freshman. Bottom of the pile. A piece of litter caught up in the windstorm of the high school hierarchy. She was nervous at the prospect but a little excited too. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she’d meet new friends, ones more interested in academics, ones who embraced their inner geek and lived it openly rather than pretending to like things they didn’t just to keep their friends happy. And maybe she’d finally “bloom,” gain some confidence and stop being so nervous around boys. It could happen.
The path was overgrown and prickers scratched at her bare legs. A mosquito whined near her ear and she slapped at it. Without a coating of bug spray, she was going to be sorry she’d taken this walk later tonight when her bites swelled up. But right now it felt good to be walking all alone in the woods, girl against nature, struggling for survival.
She broke through the underbrush and nearly stepped into the stream which was more overgrown with weeds than she’d remembered. Late summer
Jen stared longingly at the lake. Once upon a time, not so long ago, only last summer, she and her girlfriends would’ve been playing in the water, floating on rafts, having swimming races, diving under and seeing who could hold her breath the longest.
Now, going to the beach meant tanning by the water’s edge and rarely getting your expensive new suit wet. She felt a sudden sharp stab of loss, a loneliness sweeping through her. Even Antia seemed beyond her now, stepping through an invisible yet concrete barrier into another world.
Jen felt the severe pang she’d once experienced as a little girl attending a slumber party when the night got too late and the house too strange. She wanted desperately to go home. Tears prickled her eyes and swelled her throat. She had to get away before she humiliated herself by crying like a baby simply because her friends were passing around a beer.
She nudged Antia’s arm. “Hey, I think I’m gonna walk home.” Antia turned toward her. “What? No you’re not. It’s way too far. Don’t be stupid.”
I’m not comfortable here. This isn’t how I pictured the afternoon. I miss the way we used to be. I’m sad. She couldn’t say any of those things so she said, “I mean I’m going to take a walk in the woods. Of course, I wouldn’t try to walk all the way home.”
“Want me to go with?” Antia sounded about as interested in doing that as in going to the dentist. Her attention was already drifting back toward the other girls and the annoying interlopers who’d at least made the afternoon more interesting. Now everyone was watching and laughing as Ryan Waters shotgunned a beer.
“That’s okay. I’ll be right back.” Jen rose and wished she’d thought to bring along a cover-up as several of the boys scanned her from head to toe before their gazes moved on, finding her lacking.
She picked up her towel, shook off sand and wrapped it around her waist. Then she folded her arms over her breasts, pushed her feet into her sandals and walked quickly up the path into the woods. The gravel parking lot was on the far side of a stand of trees, but she didn’t go there. She veered off on a narrow path that meandered between the trees. She knew it led to a stream that fed the lake and decided that was as good a place as any to go sulk for a while.
Despite the annoyance of having to swat a few deer flies, she immediately started to feel better. The knot in her stomach loosened. Leaves diffused the light, making a cool, green world that was like being trapped inside an emerald. Unseen birds chirped in the treetops and the buzz of cicadas warned that summer was ending and a new school year would swallow her up soon.
Freshman. Bottom of the pile. A piece of litter caught up in the windstorm of the high school hierarchy. She was nervous at the prospect but a little excited too. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she’d meet new friends, ones more interested in academics, ones who embraced their inner geek and lived it openly rather than pretending to like things they didn’t just to keep their friends happy. And maybe she’d finally “bloom,” gain some confidence and stop being so nervous around boys. It could happen.
The path was overgrown and prickers scratched at her bare legs. A mosquito whined near her ear and she slapped at it. Without a coating of bug spray, she was going to be sorry she’d taken this walk later tonight when her bites swelled up. But right now it felt good to be walking all alone in the woods, girl against nature, struggling for survival.
She broke through the underbrush and nearly stepped into the stream which was more overgrown with weeds than she’d remembered. Late summer
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