Suse. Weâve known each other since fifth grade, but always with Suse. When it was just two of us it would be me and Suse or Suse and Ines.
Ines has been with Flo for half a year. They met at some holiday camp last summer. Floâs okay, but sometimes I wonder how he sees her. She always looks pretty ordinary. I mean, when you look at Suse you can see that she thinks about what she puts on every morning. Ines just wears any old junk. Jeans and a sweater. Shoes. Jacket. Nothing special. Yet one morning when she came into the washroom she pulled up this plain gray sweatshirt and underneath it she was wearing a strapless corset. Dark red with black lace and bows and garters. And matching panties. All for Flo. She showed it to us like it was a new book or CD sheâd just bought. As if it was totally normal.
Ines comes over in the afternoon. I get a bottle of sparkling water from the cellar, glasses from the kitchen and carry it all up to my room. Put on some music. Ines sits down and takes a glass but she doesnât drink anything. I really want to ask her whether sheâs here because Flo was busy, but I bite my tongue. That would be mean.
âSo, whatâs new?â I ask her.
âSame as always. Oh, no, wait. Floâs actually allowed to come over on my birthday.â
âGreat. How come?â
âIâm turning sixteen.â
Sixteen means not just alcohol and real ID, it means love.
Sixteen means that Ines can have her boyfriend up to her room with the door shut.
âWhatâs new with you?â she asks.
âNothing.â
âReally?â
âYeah.â
âSomethingâs going on with you, Miriam.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âYouâre different. Is something going on that I donât know about?â
Who can I tell? Laura sure doesnât want to talk about it. And why should it be a secret? Why not tell Ines?
So I nod.
âIs it a secret?â
âYes,â I say.
âA good one or a bad one?â Ines frowns.
âGood. I think,â I add quickly.
âAre you in love?â
I nod gently.
She grins. âSo, who is it? Do I know him?â
And then I wonder if she will really understand. That there is no âhim.â That itâs Laura. And I donât know any more whether I know Ines well enough, because I donât know how she will react.
âNo.â
âSo? How long has it been going on? Are you sleeping together?â
âNo.â
Ines leans forward a bit and a bit of soda spills onto my carpet.
âDoes he even know?â
I shake my head.
âWhy not?â
âBecause. Itâs complicated.â
âBut why?â
âBecause he (he!)...just wants to be friends.â
âOh, shit.â Ines finally takes a sip from her glass. âSo what are you going to do now?â
âI donât know. Besides, everythingâs good the way it is. Maybe itâs better this way. You can never have enough friends, right?â
Ines shrugs her shoulders and puts down her glass. She stands up and opens the balcony door, sits on the bench and lights a cigarette.
âDo you have the hots for him?â
âWhat do you mean?â
âYou know, do you want to touch him and kiss him and everything.â
âYes.â
âThere, see? Having friends is all well and good. But love is also great. Maybe even a bit better.â Ines grins at me.
âYeah?â
âSo what are you waiting for?â
I grin and shrug. Then I go out to the balcony and take a drag from her cigarette.
12
At eight oâclock Saturday morning Iâm at the train station standing on platform three. Eight oâclock! Thereâs just one old lady here sitting on a bench with her shopping bags. Iâm carrying my little backpack and a bag full of snacks. The trip takes six hours. Thatâs a long time. In fifteen minutes we get on our first train â the first of
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