HAPPY PANTS CAFE (THE HAPPY PANTS SERIES) by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff Page A

school—were victims of this “brainwashing of the masses.”
    Oh! That reminds me, I need to call my mom! Been over a week.
    Anyway…no, it didn’t matter that she now knew her first “love” hadn’t really done anything wrong, and that it had all been one big misunderstanding; she still knew what she knew about “love.”
    It’s B.S.
    Now, mutual respect and friendship? Sure. Okay.
    And physical attraction? Hell, yeah. Those were real. Austin, for example, gave new meaning to the words “Holy mother of all things erotically mantastic!”—but so what? He didn’t need to run away simply to avoid making Harper feel bad because he wasn’t into her. Which is why she’d confronted him by putting the issue out on the table and making it clear that she wasn’t interested in him—at least from a relationship perspective—so he could feel comfortable around her. See. And it worked. He’s fine. You’re fine. We can go back to being fierce competitors. Air’s all clear.
    Then why does it stink so badly?
    Pig shit, perhaps?
    The rotting, eggy, trouser-toot stench only seemed to worsen. Harper’s eyes began to water as she tried desperately not to gag. Hurry, hurry. Go as fast as you can and run outside for fresh air. Just as she moved the shovel next to one of the pigs, it opened its eye and made a loud snort.
    Harper yelped and jumped back, but then began laughing at herself. “Why am I afraid of you guys, huh? You’re just a bunch of cute widdle piggies,” she said in baby talk. “Awen’t you?”
    Jeez. Look at me. I’m a professional reporter who’s been reduced to —
    Something pinched her leg from behind, and she yelped again. As she attempted to turn to see what bit her, she slipped in the piggy-mud and landed face down between two of them, clipping one of the pigs with her hand as she tried to break the fall. The pig squealed. Harper screamed. The other two pigs joined in the squealing chorus. Harper screamed some more and scuttled away, only to hear laughter emanating from behind her.
    Austin stood there with tears in his eyes, roaring. The children also snickered, and well, Juan simply stood in the barn’s doorway with a perplexed expression on his face.
    “That was you. You pinched me!” Harper’s anger instantly flared up. “What the hell are you laughing at?” she growled, flicking her wrists, trying to unstick some of the muddy, flatulence-scented muck from her hands.
    Austin bit the insides of his cheeks, desperately trying not to smile, but he was doing a bad job. “You have pig poop on your face.” He chuckled.
    I’m going to kill him!
    “You think that’s funny?” She snapped her hand in his direction, and a sticky glob landed right on his cheek. “Ha!”
    Austin stopped laughing, but still smiled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but—”
    “You snuck up on me!”
    “You’re right. I’m sorry. But that look on your face when the pig started to squeal…”
    Harper wasn’t going to let him off with one glob. She charged toward him, intending to give him a big muddy hug, but Austin sidestepped, and she flew right into the gate of another stall.
    Harper felt a sharp pain shoot through her skull.
    “Harper, shit. Are you okay?” Austin said, hovering over her.
    “Why are you standing over me like that?” she asked.
    “You hit your head.” Austin held up a finger. “How many fingers do you see?”
    “One. The one I’m going to shove into your eye sockets when I use it to gouge out those pretty hazel eyes.”
    Austin brushed the hair from her forehead, beaming. “You’re fine.”
    Juan rushed over. “I think you should go into the house and put some ice on that.”
    “I’ll take her,” Austin said bluntly.
    “No. You don’t know where anything is, and you have work to do,” Juan pointed out.
    “That can wait.” Austin’s eyes flickered with annoyance.
    Harper felt a sad little twinge of wicked joy; two hot men were fighting over her. You’re