think differently when I tell you about the baby.
“Can we start over?”
“I’d really like that, but I have to talk to you about something also, Toby.” Laughing couples and happy families surrounded them. Their voices were low, intimate, yet their conversation was deep and intense.
Before she could say anything the waitress came to take their orders. Was she really about to do this? It was hard to believe, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes and wanted to believe him so badly. She just wanted him so much, and hoped that all of this worked out in the end.
****
They had left the restaurant half an hour ago, and now sat on the hood of his car overlooking Silver Springs Lake. The moon was full and high in the sky, and Toby had put a blanket under them so the chill from the metal didn’t seep through their clothing. For a man that had a reputation for being rough around the edges, so to say, he was actually very gentle and kind. Maybe the years since he had been out of college had really changed him like he said? He was more mature, more honest and giving now. It was strange, but she liked it. The only problem was how would this all go when she finally told him about the baby?
She stared at the lake that was clouded by the darkness of night and then glanced at Toby. “My mother thinks I am a failure because I don’t live the life she wants.” Shoshanna didn’t know why she was telling him this, maybe to get a little closer, a little more connected to him? “She came from a poor home, worked all her life until my father made it big with his investments. Then it was like she changed, just transformed into this person that was high class and forgot where she came from.”
“Money changes people. That’s why I have made it my mission to stay poor.”
She chuckled, knowing he wasn’t hurting for money in the field of hard labor he did. “I just wish we were closer, and she accepted that I am just a regular, nothing special girl.”
He looked at her, all serious, and then said, “You are special, and fuck anyone that thinks different.” Toby smiled. “No offense to your mom, that is.”
She smiled, feeling light when she was with him. He didn’t say anything for several moments, and neither did she, but the quiet was nice, comfortable even. He lay back on the hood, reached out for her hand so she was forced to lie back as well, and then Toby lifted his hand and stared at the sky. She watched as he started to pinch his thumb and forefinger together, and knitted her eyebrows in confusion.
“What are you doing?” she asked softly and then chuckled when he looked over at her.
“When I was young, maybe four or five, I used to stare out my window at the stars.” He looked at the sky again. “I used to try and pinch the stars, take away the light because I thought if there wasn’t any more in the sky my father wouldn’t be able to see me.” He chuckled, but it was humorless.
“Oh God, Toby, that breaks my heart.” She felt emotion clog her throat at the mental image of a small, vulnerable little boy trying to make it every night without getting hurt.
“I used to hate my dad, wished I was stronger so I could fight back so he couldn’t hurt me or my mom again.”
She wanted to comfort him, but knew that trying that right now wasn’t the best option.
“And then I did grow up, get bigger, and could fight back. But still he didn’t stop, not until I broke his nose and he had to explain to the ER staff how he had gotten it.” He sounded pissed.
“We don’t have to talk about this.”
He shook his head. “I want to. I want you to know about me and my life.” He looked at her then. “His job relocated him, and so he and my mom left. I stayed here. They had been living out of state for the last few years, and even though I wanted my mom to move in with me, get away from my dad, she didn’t. She wouldn’t, like she was stuck in this toxic state. I tried getting her help, but that upset
“Can we start over?”
“I’d really like that, but I have to talk to you about something also, Toby.” Laughing couples and happy families surrounded them. Their voices were low, intimate, yet their conversation was deep and intense.
Before she could say anything the waitress came to take their orders. Was she really about to do this? It was hard to believe, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes and wanted to believe him so badly. She just wanted him so much, and hoped that all of this worked out in the end.
****
They had left the restaurant half an hour ago, and now sat on the hood of his car overlooking Silver Springs Lake. The moon was full and high in the sky, and Toby had put a blanket under them so the chill from the metal didn’t seep through their clothing. For a man that had a reputation for being rough around the edges, so to say, he was actually very gentle and kind. Maybe the years since he had been out of college had really changed him like he said? He was more mature, more honest and giving now. It was strange, but she liked it. The only problem was how would this all go when she finally told him about the baby?
She stared at the lake that was clouded by the darkness of night and then glanced at Toby. “My mother thinks I am a failure because I don’t live the life she wants.” Shoshanna didn’t know why she was telling him this, maybe to get a little closer, a little more connected to him? “She came from a poor home, worked all her life until my father made it big with his investments. Then it was like she changed, just transformed into this person that was high class and forgot where she came from.”
“Money changes people. That’s why I have made it my mission to stay poor.”
She chuckled, knowing he wasn’t hurting for money in the field of hard labor he did. “I just wish we were closer, and she accepted that I am just a regular, nothing special girl.”
He looked at her, all serious, and then said, “You are special, and fuck anyone that thinks different.” Toby smiled. “No offense to your mom, that is.”
She smiled, feeling light when she was with him. He didn’t say anything for several moments, and neither did she, but the quiet was nice, comfortable even. He lay back on the hood, reached out for her hand so she was forced to lie back as well, and then Toby lifted his hand and stared at the sky. She watched as he started to pinch his thumb and forefinger together, and knitted her eyebrows in confusion.
“What are you doing?” she asked softly and then chuckled when he looked over at her.
“When I was young, maybe four or five, I used to stare out my window at the stars.” He looked at the sky again. “I used to try and pinch the stars, take away the light because I thought if there wasn’t any more in the sky my father wouldn’t be able to see me.” He chuckled, but it was humorless.
“Oh God, Toby, that breaks my heart.” She felt emotion clog her throat at the mental image of a small, vulnerable little boy trying to make it every night without getting hurt.
“I used to hate my dad, wished I was stronger so I could fight back so he couldn’t hurt me or my mom again.”
She wanted to comfort him, but knew that trying that right now wasn’t the best option.
“And then I did grow up, get bigger, and could fight back. But still he didn’t stop, not until I broke his nose and he had to explain to the ER staff how he had gotten it.” He sounded pissed.
“We don’t have to talk about this.”
He shook his head. “I want to. I want you to know about me and my life.” He looked at her then. “His job relocated him, and so he and my mom left. I stayed here. They had been living out of state for the last few years, and even though I wanted my mom to move in with me, get away from my dad, she didn’t. She wouldn’t, like she was stuck in this toxic state. I tried getting her help, but that upset
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