mere reflection of the scars on his soul.
As soon as he finished the paperwork at Fort Dix and was once again a civilian, he decided to take a room at the Gotham Hotel in Manhattan while he tried to sort out his life.
After the bellboy put his gear in the closet, Martin sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the silent black phone on the nightstand. He had gone over the dialogue many times. How best to tell his parents he wasn’t coming home for a while? It was going to be difficult, but the war had taught him the importance of living his own life. His parents would have to manage a little longer, without him. But when he had placed the call and heard his mother’s voice, he was tempted to take the first train West.
He heard himself saying, “Yes. Well, Mother, I’m going to stay in New York for just a little while and ” And what, Martin? I mean for how long? ” she said, unable to disguise the painful disappointment in her voice.
He swallowed hard and heard the echo of his deception as he said, “Maybe a week or so. I really hadn’t thought about it, Mother. Since I’m here in New York, I’d like to see Dominic.”
The tears rolled down her cheeks. She would never have believed that Martin could be so insensitive. Home should have been the only place on earth where he wanted to be. But it seemed he preferred to reach out to Dominic instead of to them, and that was something she could not understand. Drying her tears, she steadied her voice and said,
“I’m sure you know what is best for you, Martin. And I think you should do what pleases you, I’m disappointed, of course.”
“I’m terribly sorry about all of this, but please try to understand1 need this time alone.”
She didn’t understand at all. He wasn’t going to be alone, he was going to be with Dominic.
“Of course I understand. Take care, Martin . and, dear, we love you.”
“And I love you. May I speak to Dad?”
“He’s not here at the moment.”
“Oh? Well, give him my love. I’ll call you tomorrow, I’m staying at the Gotham.” He gave her the number, hung up, and placed two other calls: one to the bell captain to have a bottle of scotch and a bucket of ice sent up to his room, the other to Dominic.
The next day at’ll. 30 Martin joined the throngs of pedestrians on the streets as he made his way uptown to Dominic’s office. The crowds and the heavy flow of traffic overwhelmed him. He wasn’t used to such enormous structures of concrete, steel and glass that jutted upward, like modern towers of Babel obliterating the sky.
In spite of the crush he managed to find Dominic’s office. When he entered the building, he stopped at the cigarette counter to buy a package of Camels, and saw that his hand was trembling ever so slightly. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe it had something to do with the guilt he felt about not going home. Maybe it was because he was having a tough time getting back into the world. Maybe it was because he had just passed a soldier who had lost both legs. For one terrible moment he was back in Europe, bending over some poor German bastard in a burned-over field outside of Rome. The kid must have been all of sixteen. A typical Aryan, hair the colour of corn, eyes blue and open in death. Martin had stood in horrified fascination as blood spewed out of the boy’s mouth. For that moment Martin saw not a Nazi, but a human being lying on that blood-soaked earth.
The memory dissipated once the match burned down to Martin’s fingers.
He cursed under his breath and walked over to the elevator. He watched the dial as it paused at each floor coming down. Then the doors opened and he walked in. Suddenly all he saw was hands reaching out to push the buttons for the floors they desired. He started to reach for number 36, but it was already red. As he waited among the press of bodies, he felt a rush of claustrophobia.
Since he had seen the pictures of the Jews they had packed, without food or water, into
As soon as he finished the paperwork at Fort Dix and was once again a civilian, he decided to take a room at the Gotham Hotel in Manhattan while he tried to sort out his life.
After the bellboy put his gear in the closet, Martin sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the silent black phone on the nightstand. He had gone over the dialogue many times. How best to tell his parents he wasn’t coming home for a while? It was going to be difficult, but the war had taught him the importance of living his own life. His parents would have to manage a little longer, without him. But when he had placed the call and heard his mother’s voice, he was tempted to take the first train West.
He heard himself saying, “Yes. Well, Mother, I’m going to stay in New York for just a little while and ” And what, Martin? I mean for how long? ” she said, unable to disguise the painful disappointment in her voice.
He swallowed hard and heard the echo of his deception as he said, “Maybe a week or so. I really hadn’t thought about it, Mother. Since I’m here in New York, I’d like to see Dominic.”
The tears rolled down her cheeks. She would never have believed that Martin could be so insensitive. Home should have been the only place on earth where he wanted to be. But it seemed he preferred to reach out to Dominic instead of to them, and that was something she could not understand. Drying her tears, she steadied her voice and said,
“I’m sure you know what is best for you, Martin. And I think you should do what pleases you, I’m disappointed, of course.”
“I’m terribly sorry about all of this, but please try to understand1 need this time alone.”
She didn’t understand at all. He wasn’t going to be alone, he was going to be with Dominic.
“Of course I understand. Take care, Martin . and, dear, we love you.”
“And I love you. May I speak to Dad?”
“He’s not here at the moment.”
“Oh? Well, give him my love. I’ll call you tomorrow, I’m staying at the Gotham.” He gave her the number, hung up, and placed two other calls: one to the bell captain to have a bottle of scotch and a bucket of ice sent up to his room, the other to Dominic.
The next day at’ll. 30 Martin joined the throngs of pedestrians on the streets as he made his way uptown to Dominic’s office. The crowds and the heavy flow of traffic overwhelmed him. He wasn’t used to such enormous structures of concrete, steel and glass that jutted upward, like modern towers of Babel obliterating the sky.
In spite of the crush he managed to find Dominic’s office. When he entered the building, he stopped at the cigarette counter to buy a package of Camels, and saw that his hand was trembling ever so slightly. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe it had something to do with the guilt he felt about not going home. Maybe it was because he was having a tough time getting back into the world. Maybe it was because he had just passed a soldier who had lost both legs. For one terrible moment he was back in Europe, bending over some poor German bastard in a burned-over field outside of Rome. The kid must have been all of sixteen. A typical Aryan, hair the colour of corn, eyes blue and open in death. Martin had stood in horrified fascination as blood spewed out of the boy’s mouth. For that moment Martin saw not a Nazi, but a human being lying on that blood-soaked earth.
The memory dissipated once the match burned down to Martin’s fingers.
He cursed under his breath and walked over to the elevator. He watched the dial as it paused at each floor coming down. Then the doors opened and he walked in. Suddenly all he saw was hands reaching out to push the buttons for the floors they desired. He started to reach for number 36, but it was already red. As he waited among the press of bodies, he felt a rush of claustrophobia.
Since he had seen the pictures of the Jews they had packed, without food or water, into
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