man gave an offering to God, each presumably expecting acceptance. As it turned out, one offering was accepted and one wasn’t. Abel gave what God wanted to receive. Cain gave what he, himself, wanted to give.
• The reception? No surprises here—God received Abel’s acceptable offering and rejected Cain’s unacceptable one.
• The reaction? Cain grew angry and sullen.
• The remedy? Simple—God inquired as to the cause of Cain’s anger, then told him to do what was right. In doing so, Cain would be accepted.
• The reality? If Cain didn’t do what was right, sin was waiting to devour him.
• The result? Cain invited Abel to go out to the field, where Cain exploded into murderous rage and killed his brother.
• The repercussion? Cain left the presence of God, lost his home and livelihood, and lived the remainder of his life as a restless wanderer.
Exploders lash out and behave recklessly. They might normally be reasonable and responsible people, but sometimes their emotion overshadows their thought process and they blow a fuse.
Although the exploder can find no consolation in the account of Cain, he can find assurance and caution in the previously explored story of Moses’ (see pages 39-47). He can take solace in the fact that God used—in magnificent ways—a man who was flawed with a violently explosive temper. If the Lord can use Moses, whose fiery rage caused him such trouble, then He can use others who have the same problem. The warning, however, is clear: Actions have consequences, and uncontrolled anger has unwanted repercussions. For months or even years, we might be on our best behavior—cool and controlled—only to have just one explosion cause disastrous results.
3. Blame-shifters: Those who blame others for their faults
In our society, shifting blame to others has been elevated to an art form. People caught speeding tell the traffic cop it is the car’s fault for having too much horsepower. Shopaholics blame their massive debt on retailers for displaying irresistible goods. Democrats blame Republicans for America’s woes, and Republicans blame Democrats.
We shouldn’t be surprised, then, when angry people blame their explosive tendencies on others. Blame-shifters are the exact opposite of self-blamers (those who say, “It’s all my fault” to every conflict that arises). In contrast, blamers say, “It’s not my fault! I’m mad because you made me mad. It’s your fault!”
Have you ever heard the term blame speak ? Perhaps you’ve heard these statements come out of someone’s mouth—or maybe even your own:
• “I wouldn’t have gotten mad if you hadn’t made me.” Translation: I’m not responsible for my outbursts—you are.
• “I can’t help it. This is just the way God made me.” Translation: The Creator gave me my temper, so blame Him, not me.
• “I’m Irish, and we all know the Irish are famous for their fiery temperaments.” Translation: Blame it on my genes.
• “I didn’t mean it.” Translation: I should be let off the hook because my intentions were good, even if my behavior wasn’t.
• “I was just joking. Don’t be so uptight.” Translation: You are to blame, not I. You’re too sensitive. If you’re hurt by my humor, you need to grow thicker skin.
• “I had lousy role models. Mom and Dad never showed me a better way.” Translation: I shouldn’t be held accountable when my parents didn’t teach me properly.
• “Hey, everyone loses their cool now and then.” Translation: I don’t take my temper seriously, and neither should you.
There’s an obvious theme running through these statements: I’m not responsible for my actions. Blame-shifting is a strategy used by those who are determined to take their own anger and heap it onto someone else. By refusing to acknowledge their anger, explore where it really comes from, and take responsibility for it, the emotions of blame-shifters stay raw and ready to explode. The apostle
• The reception? No surprises here—God received Abel’s acceptable offering and rejected Cain’s unacceptable one.
• The reaction? Cain grew angry and sullen.
• The remedy? Simple—God inquired as to the cause of Cain’s anger, then told him to do what was right. In doing so, Cain would be accepted.
• The reality? If Cain didn’t do what was right, sin was waiting to devour him.
• The result? Cain invited Abel to go out to the field, where Cain exploded into murderous rage and killed his brother.
• The repercussion? Cain left the presence of God, lost his home and livelihood, and lived the remainder of his life as a restless wanderer.
Exploders lash out and behave recklessly. They might normally be reasonable and responsible people, but sometimes their emotion overshadows their thought process and they blow a fuse.
Although the exploder can find no consolation in the account of Cain, he can find assurance and caution in the previously explored story of Moses’ (see pages 39-47). He can take solace in the fact that God used—in magnificent ways—a man who was flawed with a violently explosive temper. If the Lord can use Moses, whose fiery rage caused him such trouble, then He can use others who have the same problem. The warning, however, is clear: Actions have consequences, and uncontrolled anger has unwanted repercussions. For months or even years, we might be on our best behavior—cool and controlled—only to have just one explosion cause disastrous results.
3. Blame-shifters: Those who blame others for their faults
In our society, shifting blame to others has been elevated to an art form. People caught speeding tell the traffic cop it is the car’s fault for having too much horsepower. Shopaholics blame their massive debt on retailers for displaying irresistible goods. Democrats blame Republicans for America’s woes, and Republicans blame Democrats.
We shouldn’t be surprised, then, when angry people blame their explosive tendencies on others. Blame-shifters are the exact opposite of self-blamers (those who say, “It’s all my fault” to every conflict that arises). In contrast, blamers say, “It’s not my fault! I’m mad because you made me mad. It’s your fault!”
Have you ever heard the term blame speak ? Perhaps you’ve heard these statements come out of someone’s mouth—or maybe even your own:
• “I wouldn’t have gotten mad if you hadn’t made me.” Translation: I’m not responsible for my outbursts—you are.
• “I can’t help it. This is just the way God made me.” Translation: The Creator gave me my temper, so blame Him, not me.
• “I’m Irish, and we all know the Irish are famous for their fiery temperaments.” Translation: Blame it on my genes.
• “I didn’t mean it.” Translation: I should be let off the hook because my intentions were good, even if my behavior wasn’t.
• “I was just joking. Don’t be so uptight.” Translation: You are to blame, not I. You’re too sensitive. If you’re hurt by my humor, you need to grow thicker skin.
• “I had lousy role models. Mom and Dad never showed me a better way.” Translation: I shouldn’t be held accountable when my parents didn’t teach me properly.
• “Hey, everyone loses their cool now and then.” Translation: I don’t take my temper seriously, and neither should you.
There’s an obvious theme running through these statements: I’m not responsible for my actions. Blame-shifting is a strategy used by those who are determined to take their own anger and heap it onto someone else. By refusing to acknowledge their anger, explore where it really comes from, and take responsibility for it, the emotions of blame-shifters stay raw and ready to explode. The apostle
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