Looking for Alaska by Peter Jenkins Page A

at $200.” I’m sure just about everyone we knew saw it, but only two mentioned it to me.
    The old saying about commercial fishermen hitting a port ready to fight is certainly proven true in the log. “1:18 A.M . Officers responded to Peking Restaurant for report of four males fighting. Subjects were advised not to enter any more bars tonight and return to their boat.” “9:59 P.M . 911 caller said male going in and out of consciousness at the Yukon Bar had said he thought it was fish poisoning from out at sea: medics responded.” Fish poisoning? Creative. The folks that work at the canneries in Alaska get in the most trouble. Hillary Clinton worked in one when she was still in college. “5:09 P.M . Caller advised he had just been involved in a fight with another subject who was making a lot of noise and urinated on his tent at Seward Fisheries tent city. Officer responded and restored peace.”
    Like people everywhere else, people in and around Seward pound on each other every so often. “4:17 P.M . Advised of a male and female arguing at the campground near Coast Guard housing. Officer brought the female, who allegedly assaulted the male, to the Seward jail.” Rarely are people taken to jail. This man must have been seriously beat up by this female. “4:43 P.M . Advised a shot had been heard in 500 block of First Avenue; it was an accidental discharge when a pickup driver was putting his shotgun under the seat.” I didn’t know you could put a loaded shotgun under the seat of your vehicle.
    â€œ9:00 P.M . Report of two juveniles rolling bowling balls down Fourth Avenue.” As creative as I was as a juvenile, this activity never occurred to me, probably because bowling wasn’t hip back then. “9:30 P.M . Caller advised two bowling balls were taken from his vehicle while parked at AVTEC [a statewide technical school] last night.” Those stolen bowling balls were never the same after their trip down the street. “12:08 P.M . Advised of two hitchhikers at Mile 3; the man was hitting the woman on the head. Contacted, all OK, playing around.” Seward people do love to play around.
    I’m not sure what was going on with this family: “5:17 P.M . Advised of white Mazda driving in Lost Lake subdivision and looking at empty cabins.” “5:31 P.M . Caller asked if there had been a body found on Exit Glacier Road. His mom, driving a white Mazda (see previous entry), had been gone for a while and he was concerned.”
    And there was this one, called in by some thoughtful, law-abiding citizens: “7:44 P.M . Female called wanting to know if they would get in trouble and how much it would cost if someone wrote ‘Bob’ or ‘Cindy’ in the fresh cement in front of the Breeze Motel. Also, mentioned something about ‘butt’ and ‘boob’ prints. Not sure if they had already done it or if she just wanted to.”
    Does wet concrete stick to bare skin or hairy skin? How do you get it off? What if the fresh concrete was deeper than you thought it would be and you went to sit down to make your butt or boob print and slipped and couldn’t get up? And then “Cindy” reached over to help remove you, butt first, and she fell in boob first, and you were both stuck and the cement was drying fast. Could the dispatcher advise Cindy and Bob how to escape the hardening grip of the concrete? At least you were in there together.

4
    â€œFly Through That Hole”
    Most Alaskans hate standing in lines. This giant place is filled with people determined to live as free from others’ intervention as possible. Alaska may have served as the incubator for the behavior now termed politically incorrect. They despise being herded; if they were sheep, they would never go off the cliff together. More than likely, they’d trample the shepherd.
    Fortunately, Alaskans don’t have to wait in line regularly, unless