us away.”
“Believe me when I say, I would have sacrificed myself in her place if I could have. I was so stupid in the beginning. I was a dumb kid thinking I was paying my keep. Helping out. Then they asked for more and more, until it wasn’t just Florida stuff anymore. Those men who shadow Phil are no joke. I had to put myself in a place where they couldn’t touch me, and by default couldn’t touch you or your family until I could figure out a way to keep us all protected.”
“Have you figured it out yet?”
“I’m working on it, but honestly, Shanice, it could be years before that happens. I have to get the feds to trust me, then I’ll be hoping they will be willing to reward that trust with a deal that will bring the others to justice, while keeping you and your family out of harm’s way.”
“I know you can do this, and I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes.”
Trevor is shaking his head before she can finish her pronouncement. “No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“You can’t wait for me. You need to live your life. You need to forget about me, because it’s not a given that I’m going to come out of this anytime soon. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking me. I said I was, and I am.”
Trevor remembered his promise to Isaiah. “No, Shanice.”
She implored him with her eyes. “Listen to me, Trevor. I love you, and I will always love you.”
“I have three more years and some change in here. There’s a lot of living you can do in three years. Don’t let my situation stop you.”
“I won’t.” Shanice sighed. “Listen, do these bad people have access to your mail?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“Well, if it’s too dangerous and I can’t visit you, I’ll write you, and you have to promise to write me back.”
Shanice had sufficiently worn him down, so Trevor succumbed. “Okay, but we shouldn’t save the letters... destroy the paper trail.”
“Okay,” Shanice said with the biggest grin since they’d sat across from one another. “I have faith in you, Trevor Landon Kyle.”
“What is faith, anyway? It must be blind or stupid to believe in a fuck up like me.”
“My Dad says faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
“That sounds about right, because I don’t know how you see any in me. I’ve done horrible things—things that make me undeserving of a preacher’s daughter.”
“There’s nothing you can do to sway my faith in you. I have loved you since I was five years old and I know you’ve loved me, too. Maybe not in the way I wanted you to when I was eleven and trying to be the Amy to your Laurie, but I believe with all my heart we’re destined to be together, so you might as well accept it, Trevor Kyle.”
Trevor felt so bound by his promise to Isaiah, he still couldn’t give her the three little words she craved, but he felt them. Trevor felt them with all his heart.
Chapter Eighteen
Shanice’s first letter ripped his heart out of his chest and he bawled like a baby.
Dear Trevor:
We have loved one another like siblings most of our lives. It is now time for us to come to know one another as best friends, future lovers, and confidantes.
The background we come from does not lend itself to being open, honest, and depending on another person — one can only trust oneself. Our biological mothers didn’t have our backs and that scarred us. My parents sent me to therapy for years, and they showed me so much unconditional love, I am mostly healed of those scars. You, however, lost David and Elena when you needed them most, so your path to healing was interrupted, and Philip did not to help you continue on that path.
I remember Phil having lots of parties and I’m sure you were exposed to many things my parents shielded me from. I remember catching you smoking pot with those boys, and you going to prom with the girl with the worst reputation at our little Christian school. You mentioned
“Believe me when I say, I would have sacrificed myself in her place if I could have. I was so stupid in the beginning. I was a dumb kid thinking I was paying my keep. Helping out. Then they asked for more and more, until it wasn’t just Florida stuff anymore. Those men who shadow Phil are no joke. I had to put myself in a place where they couldn’t touch me, and by default couldn’t touch you or your family until I could figure out a way to keep us all protected.”
“Have you figured it out yet?”
“I’m working on it, but honestly, Shanice, it could be years before that happens. I have to get the feds to trust me, then I’ll be hoping they will be willing to reward that trust with a deal that will bring the others to justice, while keeping you and your family out of harm’s way.”
“I know you can do this, and I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes.”
Trevor is shaking his head before she can finish her pronouncement. “No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“You can’t wait for me. You need to live your life. You need to forget about me, because it’s not a given that I’m going to come out of this anytime soon. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking me. I said I was, and I am.”
Trevor remembered his promise to Isaiah. “No, Shanice.”
She implored him with her eyes. “Listen to me, Trevor. I love you, and I will always love you.”
“I have three more years and some change in here. There’s a lot of living you can do in three years. Don’t let my situation stop you.”
“I won’t.” Shanice sighed. “Listen, do these bad people have access to your mail?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“Well, if it’s too dangerous and I can’t visit you, I’ll write you, and you have to promise to write me back.”
Shanice had sufficiently worn him down, so Trevor succumbed. “Okay, but we shouldn’t save the letters... destroy the paper trail.”
“Okay,” Shanice said with the biggest grin since they’d sat across from one another. “I have faith in you, Trevor Landon Kyle.”
“What is faith, anyway? It must be blind or stupid to believe in a fuck up like me.”
“My Dad says faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
“That sounds about right, because I don’t know how you see any in me. I’ve done horrible things—things that make me undeserving of a preacher’s daughter.”
“There’s nothing you can do to sway my faith in you. I have loved you since I was five years old and I know you’ve loved me, too. Maybe not in the way I wanted you to when I was eleven and trying to be the Amy to your Laurie, but I believe with all my heart we’re destined to be together, so you might as well accept it, Trevor Kyle.”
Trevor felt so bound by his promise to Isaiah, he still couldn’t give her the three little words she craved, but he felt them. Trevor felt them with all his heart.
Chapter Eighteen
Shanice’s first letter ripped his heart out of his chest and he bawled like a baby.
Dear Trevor:
We have loved one another like siblings most of our lives. It is now time for us to come to know one another as best friends, future lovers, and confidantes.
The background we come from does not lend itself to being open, honest, and depending on another person — one can only trust oneself. Our biological mothers didn’t have our backs and that scarred us. My parents sent me to therapy for years, and they showed me so much unconditional love, I am mostly healed of those scars. You, however, lost David and Elena when you needed them most, so your path to healing was interrupted, and Philip did not to help you continue on that path.
I remember Phil having lots of parties and I’m sure you were exposed to many things my parents shielded me from. I remember catching you smoking pot with those boys, and you going to prom with the girl with the worst reputation at our little Christian school. You mentioned
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