Ronan the Barbarian by James Bibby Page B

lifetime. "Your name, you plank! What is it?
    "It's the title I use to distinguish me from other people," gabbled the orc.
    "But what is this title!" yelled Tarl.
    Light dawned for the orc. "Oh! It's Bleb!"
    Ronan smiled mirthlessly. "Now we're getting somewhere. Well, Bleb, what are you doing here?"
    "Messing my trousers," came the truthful reply.
    Ronan wrinkled up his nose in distaste. "No, I meant what is your band of orcs doing here?"
    Bleb's eyes revolved rapidly, taking in the scene. "Well, most of them are lying round without any heads on," he muttered.
    Tarl laid a restraining hand on Ronan's arm. "Let me," he said confidently, and turned to the terrified orc. "Look," he continued, “ why are you here?"
    "Coo, don't ask me, guv, existentialist philosophy is a closed book to me."
    Tarl thought this one through for a few moments and then turned back to Ronan. "I don't think he's quite as dumb as he looks," he said.
    Ronan decided to up the stakes slightly and exerted the slightest pressure on the dagger. A small droplet of black blood trickled from the tip of Bleb's nose, and Ronan ruthlessly suppressed the thought that his father would definitely not have approved. "Listen, dragon-breath," he said in a low growl, "your band of orcs had a special reason for coming here, into this forest. Tell me what it is."
    "It's a big place with lots of trees."
    Ronan's eyes bulged, and Tarl looked away. Bleb, sensing that maybe this wasn't the required answer, babbled on. "But if you want to know what the reason is, it's because that man in the pub paid us to come out here and kill you."
    "Kill me ?"
    "That's what he said. You'll find a black-skinned warrior with a little bear-head hanging round his neck, he said. Ambush him and bring back the body."
    "Which pub was that?
    "The Dragon's Claw, I think. In Welbug. Rough place. Lot of vomit on the floor, and broken glasses and things. Well, there was when we left."
    Ronan turned to Tarl. "Do you know this tavern?"
    "I think I've heard of it... the roughest in the whole of Welbug, if I'm right."
    Ronan nodded. "Then that's where we start," he said, and lowered his dagger to the orc's throat.
    Tarl turned away, unable to watch, but the sight behind him made him want to retch. Flies the size of small birds were already whanging through the trees and homing in on the stickier bits of dead orc. The corpses were a mass of jostling, buzzing, swearing insects. He turned back.
    "Look, I don't..." he began, but then he saw the look on Ronan's face. He was staring at the orc with a sickly expression and the dagger in his hand was shaking. A wave of realisation swept over Tarl. The guy couldn't bring himself to kill the creature in cold blood! The great softie! Tarl felt a sudden affection for the big warrior. Trying not to smile he stepped forward and confronted the orc.
    "Listen," he said. "We're not going to kill you. But we're going to Welbug and we don't want anyone to know. So we have two choices. One, you promise not to say anything, and head west as fast and as far as you can. Just disappear. OK? Or two, we take you with us to Welbug."
    "Take me with you?" repeated the orc, suspiciously.
    "Yeah," said Tarl innocently, and then dropped his little bombshell. "In a boat."
    The orc's jaw dropped open, and sweat broke out on its face. Its skin had turned the colour of month-old milk.
    "No! Lemmego! Please, I won't say a word, honest I won't, go on, honest-honest-honest-honest-honest, just don't take me inna boat, OK?"
    Smiling, Tarl stepped forward, took the knife from Ronan and sliced through the creature's belt. It fell to the ground in a heap, and then picking itself up it dashed off through the trees towards the west, gibbering with panic.
    "He won't stop till he gets to the Forest of Dreams," grinned Tarl. "Trust me," he continued, as Ronan looked at him doubtfully. "I've lived with orcs. I understand them. It's common knowledge that they hate water, but what few people know is that they