as we lose ourselves in each other.
I’m not sure how long we’re still for, but as I start to come back down to Earth I can see Jake’s face grinning over me. To cover my embarrassment at how vulnerable he’s seen me, I try to casually cover my eyes with my arm and note, “You don’t need to look so pleased with yourself.”
He pulls my arm away from my face. “Don’t, I want to see you.”
He whispers against my lips as he kisses me, sweetly and deeply, before he rolls onto his back and maneuvers us into a position to sleep. He pulls me close to him and I curl up, my hand over his chest, feeling his slowing heart beat as we lie there.
It feels like the most natural thing in the world, as if we’ve always slept like this. Touching him, lying like this with him, brings a warm and fuzzy feeling all over me that I can’t quite place. It’s something familiar, but I don’t remember ever feeling like this before and I can’t put a name to it. It seems like it’s on the tip of my tongue, but it falls away almost as soon as I think I’ve caught it.
“Jake,” I whisper against his warm skin.
“Yeah?” he replies, his voice starting to take on the foggy sound of sleep.
“Thank you,” I tell him, planting a soft kiss on his lips before I settle back next to him, feeling more complete than I have in a long time.
“Aimee,” Jake says after a moment, his voice sounding husky. I’m not sure if it’s from exhaustion or intense emotion.
“Yeah?” I ask, on the edge of drifting off to sleep.
“Nothing,” he replies after a moment, kissing me like he’s trying to tell me something. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I tell him quietly and close my eyes. Just before I lose consciousness, I realize that I know what Jake feels like. I know what that sense of familiarity and safety and happiness is.
It’s been so long since I felt anything like it, it had seemed like a foreign concept. Jake feels like home to me. He feels like he can make up for everything I’ve lost, like being in his arms is a shot at real bliss, an escape from the nightmare of this place, finally.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Before it’s even light outside, my eyes fly open and the memory of what happened the night before comes back to me. I also realize that it’s the first time in a long time that I haven’t dreamt about my dad and the events of that final, awful day.
I’m still curled up against Jake’s side, neither of us having moved since we fell asleep. His arm is still around me and in the quiet, I steal a look at his impossibly handsome face. He appears totally at peace while he’s asleep and I reach up and trace the line of his jaw with my finger, feeling the grate of the stubble. It’s only when he stirs in his sleep that rationality starts to come flooding back into my brain.
I edge away from Jake slowly, not making any sudden movements that might jerk him awake. I tear my eyes away from his muscular chest and his too-handsome face and think about the events of the previous night. It dawns on me that I’ve had sex with my best friend and, right now, my only close friend , and that could potentially have thrown everything out of whack.
It's hard enough being his friend and thinking about what was going to happen when he turns twenty, but now all my intense feelings for him have come bubbling to the surface and there doesn’t seem to be any way to bottle them back up.
I can’t lose him, and at precisely the wrong moment, the horrible little voice in my brain rears her ugly head. But you don’t even really have him to begin with , she reminds me.
I try to push the intrusive thought away but every time I focus on how sweet and tender and kind and wonderful Jake had been to me the night before, how he had made me feel so special and so beautiful.
The little voice reminds me that at no point has he said how he feels about me. He’d said
I’m not sure how long we’re still for, but as I start to come back down to Earth I can see Jake’s face grinning over me. To cover my embarrassment at how vulnerable he’s seen me, I try to casually cover my eyes with my arm and note, “You don’t need to look so pleased with yourself.”
He pulls my arm away from my face. “Don’t, I want to see you.”
He whispers against my lips as he kisses me, sweetly and deeply, before he rolls onto his back and maneuvers us into a position to sleep. He pulls me close to him and I curl up, my hand over his chest, feeling his slowing heart beat as we lie there.
It feels like the most natural thing in the world, as if we’ve always slept like this. Touching him, lying like this with him, brings a warm and fuzzy feeling all over me that I can’t quite place. It’s something familiar, but I don’t remember ever feeling like this before and I can’t put a name to it. It seems like it’s on the tip of my tongue, but it falls away almost as soon as I think I’ve caught it.
“Jake,” I whisper against his warm skin.
“Yeah?” he replies, his voice starting to take on the foggy sound of sleep.
“Thank you,” I tell him, planting a soft kiss on his lips before I settle back next to him, feeling more complete than I have in a long time.
“Aimee,” Jake says after a moment, his voice sounding husky. I’m not sure if it’s from exhaustion or intense emotion.
“Yeah?” I ask, on the edge of drifting off to sleep.
“Nothing,” he replies after a moment, kissing me like he’s trying to tell me something. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I tell him quietly and close my eyes. Just before I lose consciousness, I realize that I know what Jake feels like. I know what that sense of familiarity and safety and happiness is.
It’s been so long since I felt anything like it, it had seemed like a foreign concept. Jake feels like home to me. He feels like he can make up for everything I’ve lost, like being in his arms is a shot at real bliss, an escape from the nightmare of this place, finally.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Before it’s even light outside, my eyes fly open and the memory of what happened the night before comes back to me. I also realize that it’s the first time in a long time that I haven’t dreamt about my dad and the events of that final, awful day.
I’m still curled up against Jake’s side, neither of us having moved since we fell asleep. His arm is still around me and in the quiet, I steal a look at his impossibly handsome face. He appears totally at peace while he’s asleep and I reach up and trace the line of his jaw with my finger, feeling the grate of the stubble. It’s only when he stirs in his sleep that rationality starts to come flooding back into my brain.
I edge away from Jake slowly, not making any sudden movements that might jerk him awake. I tear my eyes away from his muscular chest and his too-handsome face and think about the events of the previous night. It dawns on me that I’ve had sex with my best friend and, right now, my only close friend , and that could potentially have thrown everything out of whack.
It's hard enough being his friend and thinking about what was going to happen when he turns twenty, but now all my intense feelings for him have come bubbling to the surface and there doesn’t seem to be any way to bottle them back up.
I can’t lose him, and at precisely the wrong moment, the horrible little voice in my brain rears her ugly head. But you don’t even really have him to begin with , she reminds me.
I try to push the intrusive thought away but every time I focus on how sweet and tender and kind and wonderful Jake had been to me the night before, how he had made me feel so special and so beautiful.
The little voice reminds me that at no point has he said how he feels about me. He’d said
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