part to undulate with worry.
Making sure not to expressly meet his gaze, she turned. “I’m really sorry. I...claustrophobia.”
“Vivvy, just be straight with me. Whatever you’re feeling—”
“That was inexcusable. I apologize. It’s been a while since it’s been that bad. I suppose I’ve let it build. I haven’t been meditating lately. That must be it.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, worry lining his mouth. “You can tell me the truth.”
The truth? Right. Like she could tell him she felt something for him when she hated herself for letting this happen. “I need to be going.”
“Going?”
“I’m a little behind on work. Emails. You know. Um.” Dammit. “So, I’m just, um, going to grab my bag and go…uh, get a hotel room in Addington. I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Um, not too early, of course.” She edged toward the door, forced out an awkward-sounding laugh.
This was awful. This was a nightmare. She looked like a complete idiot, all because she couldn’t keep her emotions in check. Vivvy darted back into the office and found her discarded bag.
She had to get out. Get out of Harrington, out of Demo, out, out, out. Before it closed in around her and then somehow imploded. Everything always did.
“Vivvy.”
She nearly jumped a foot when Nate entered the door as she was about to exit it. She forced a smile, realizing it probably looked like some kind of twisted frown.
“Here.” He held out a small business card. “I know you’ve got the office number, but my cell is on there. Call me if you need anything.”
“Uh-huh.”
He frowned down at her when she didn’t take the card. “Anything, Vivvy. It’s not some sexual innuendo.”
She had the most horrific realization tears were stinging her eyes. She never cried. Never. Nothing ever mattered enough to cry over.
“Thanks, Nate. See you later.” She took the card, but rushed past him before anything else could be said.
She had to get back to LA.
Chapter Eight
Vivvy sat in the middle of the hotel bed with her legs crossed and her hands resting on her knees. It wasn’t exactly a high-end motel, but it was clean and bug-less. That was what mattered.
She’d pulled the curtains closed to block out the early evening light and all the inside lights were off. She sat in the dim room breathing in and out.
She kept her eyes open and trained on the painting of a barn on the wall in front of her. Normally, her eyes would be closed and she would imagine sitting on the beach watching the ocean move.
Today, every time she closed her eyes, she saw Nate’s face, felt his lips on hers. Every time she closed her eyes, she could almost relive those slow, loving strokes.
Vivvy let out a long moan. What had that man done to her?
She kicked out of her meditation pose and flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. What was happening to her? She had learned this lesson. She wasn’t meant to stick, and she wasn’t the soothing girlfriend men looked for.
In those early years of dating she’d tried. She’d tried to care enough, to be in control enough to make things last. She’d tried to stick, but it had never worked. She didn’t know how.
Just because Nate knew how didn’t mean she could be what he wanted. Hadn’t this afternoon proven that? He’d wanted the truth and she’d been unable to give it to him.
Never before had that been as gut-wrenching as it had been with Nate. No other man had made her want to be different. She’d accepted that and had learned to enjoy the life she was leading. Alone, unattached. It worked for her.
But compared to Nate’s roots, something about it now felt empty. Demo popped into her life and offered all kinds of connection. She’d stopped wishing for connection a long time ago, stopped believing it would last. And yet, she couldn’t help thinking the feeling in her gut right now was wish and belief.
All that centered on Nate.
Vivvy rolled over, burying her face into a pillow to
Making sure not to expressly meet his gaze, she turned. “I’m really sorry. I...claustrophobia.”
“Vivvy, just be straight with me. Whatever you’re feeling—”
“That was inexcusable. I apologize. It’s been a while since it’s been that bad. I suppose I’ve let it build. I haven’t been meditating lately. That must be it.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, worry lining his mouth. “You can tell me the truth.”
The truth? Right. Like she could tell him she felt something for him when she hated herself for letting this happen. “I need to be going.”
“Going?”
“I’m a little behind on work. Emails. You know. Um.” Dammit. “So, I’m just, um, going to grab my bag and go…uh, get a hotel room in Addington. I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Um, not too early, of course.” She edged toward the door, forced out an awkward-sounding laugh.
This was awful. This was a nightmare. She looked like a complete idiot, all because she couldn’t keep her emotions in check. Vivvy darted back into the office and found her discarded bag.
She had to get out. Get out of Harrington, out of Demo, out, out, out. Before it closed in around her and then somehow imploded. Everything always did.
“Vivvy.”
She nearly jumped a foot when Nate entered the door as she was about to exit it. She forced a smile, realizing it probably looked like some kind of twisted frown.
“Here.” He held out a small business card. “I know you’ve got the office number, but my cell is on there. Call me if you need anything.”
“Uh-huh.”
He frowned down at her when she didn’t take the card. “Anything, Vivvy. It’s not some sexual innuendo.”
She had the most horrific realization tears were stinging her eyes. She never cried. Never. Nothing ever mattered enough to cry over.
“Thanks, Nate. See you later.” She took the card, but rushed past him before anything else could be said.
She had to get back to LA.
Chapter Eight
Vivvy sat in the middle of the hotel bed with her legs crossed and her hands resting on her knees. It wasn’t exactly a high-end motel, but it was clean and bug-less. That was what mattered.
She’d pulled the curtains closed to block out the early evening light and all the inside lights were off. She sat in the dim room breathing in and out.
She kept her eyes open and trained on the painting of a barn on the wall in front of her. Normally, her eyes would be closed and she would imagine sitting on the beach watching the ocean move.
Today, every time she closed her eyes, she saw Nate’s face, felt his lips on hers. Every time she closed her eyes, she could almost relive those slow, loving strokes.
Vivvy let out a long moan. What had that man done to her?
She kicked out of her meditation pose and flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. What was happening to her? She had learned this lesson. She wasn’t meant to stick, and she wasn’t the soothing girlfriend men looked for.
In those early years of dating she’d tried. She’d tried to care enough, to be in control enough to make things last. She’d tried to stick, but it had never worked. She didn’t know how.
Just because Nate knew how didn’t mean she could be what he wanted. Hadn’t this afternoon proven that? He’d wanted the truth and she’d been unable to give it to him.
Never before had that been as gut-wrenching as it had been with Nate. No other man had made her want to be different. She’d accepted that and had learned to enjoy the life she was leading. Alone, unattached. It worked for her.
But compared to Nate’s roots, something about it now felt empty. Demo popped into her life and offered all kinds of connection. She’d stopped wishing for connection a long time ago, stopped believing it would last. And yet, she couldn’t help thinking the feeling in her gut right now was wish and belief.
All that centered on Nate.
Vivvy rolled over, burying her face into a pillow to
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