him any more.
Instead of going to his room, we go for a walk through the dull, suburban streets.
‘That Tarot reading at your party made me think,’ he says. ‘It was bullshit, but it made me ask the big questions. I need to make peace with God for my sins. I need to earn my way in the world.’
‘You don’t believe in God,’ I say.
‘That was just arrogance. I knew I’d sinned. How could I believe in sin but not believe in God? I doubted because I was avoiding responsibility.’
‘I’m not sure I believe in sin,’ I tell him. ‘I can handle the concepts of crime and punishment, yes, but not sin, not guilt. You can know the difference between right and wrong without having religion.’
‘I suppose,’ Aidan says, but that’s as far as he wants to take this philosophical discussion. We walk in silence. Whichever of us speaks first will be the one to end it, I figure. I’ve only ever had one serious boyfriend and I finished with him. I ought to experience what it’s like to be finished with.
But Aidan doesn’t say anything. He’s too passive. I figure it was Huw who persuaded him to play silly games in the car. Aidan didn’t have the nerve to refuse. Or the sense.
‘You and me?’ I say, when we’re in sight of the house. ‘There isn’t one, really, is there? I mean, we’re good friends, but...’
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘You’re right, Allison.’
And that’s it. No warm wishes, no ‘thank you, stay in touch’. I will never get another phone call from him. The only mutual friend we have is Zoe and neither of us sees much of her at the moment. If I want to know what happens to Aidan in the future, I will have to google him and hope there isn’t another Aidan Kinsale in the world of financial services.
I drive home without saying goodbye to his family. I feel bad about that, because I’m closer to Aidan’s mum than I am to him. Dad says life’s all about cutting your losses. I’m not that ruthless. But I’m learning to be.
Starting to Happen
‘Why didn’t you get here earlier? I wanted to see the support.’
‘Traffic was murder,’ I tell Steve. ‘We can go in my car if you want.’
‘There’s no parking near Rock City. We might as well walk.’
‘Give me a minute to get changed.’
‘You look great as you are,’ say Steve. He’s bossy, and I can’t be bothered to argue. Am I really thinking of going out with this guy?
Walking up the hill, we discuss coursework, something we never do in the house, where it’s not cool to remind ourselves that we’re students. We both have stuff to finish for a week tomorrow, the first Friday of term. Steve can’t decide whether to do a dissertation next year or two modules.
‘How were things at home?’ I ask.
‘Same old same old. You?’
‘Helen dumped Mark, that’s the big news.’
‘Doesn’t surprise me,’ Steve says.
‘Why not?’
‘She can do better. While they’re at uni, people try to trade up. Who’s she seeing instead?’
‘Who said she’s seeing anyone? A third year, as it happens. His family’s in banking. Helen spent Easter with him.’
‘There you go,’ Steve says. ‘And did Mark try and get you to go out with him again?’
‘You’re a mind reader.’
Steve gives one of those irritating, smug grins.
‘So... have you dumped Aidan for him?’
‘No! Aidan and I did agree to finish though.’
Steve suppresses a smirk. We’re passing the Falcon on Canning Circus.
‘Let’s have a drink,’ he says. ‘It’s murder getting served at Rock City.’
‘Won’t we be late?’
‘Nah. Main act never comes on before nine-thirty.’
I take his word for it. I’m keen to see the band but he got the free tickets. I ask for a small glass of wine, rather than beer. I know how hard it is to get to the Ladies at Rock City.
‘So... you finished with Aidan but turned Mark down. Why?’
‘It’d be like — I dunno — doing A-levels again. You can’t go
Instead of going to his room, we go for a walk through the dull, suburban streets.
‘That Tarot reading at your party made me think,’ he says. ‘It was bullshit, but it made me ask the big questions. I need to make peace with God for my sins. I need to earn my way in the world.’
‘You don’t believe in God,’ I say.
‘That was just arrogance. I knew I’d sinned. How could I believe in sin but not believe in God? I doubted because I was avoiding responsibility.’
‘I’m not sure I believe in sin,’ I tell him. ‘I can handle the concepts of crime and punishment, yes, but not sin, not guilt. You can know the difference between right and wrong without having religion.’
‘I suppose,’ Aidan says, but that’s as far as he wants to take this philosophical discussion. We walk in silence. Whichever of us speaks first will be the one to end it, I figure. I’ve only ever had one serious boyfriend and I finished with him. I ought to experience what it’s like to be finished with.
But Aidan doesn’t say anything. He’s too passive. I figure it was Huw who persuaded him to play silly games in the car. Aidan didn’t have the nerve to refuse. Or the sense.
‘You and me?’ I say, when we’re in sight of the house. ‘There isn’t one, really, is there? I mean, we’re good friends, but...’
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘You’re right, Allison.’
And that’s it. No warm wishes, no ‘thank you, stay in touch’. I will never get another phone call from him. The only mutual friend we have is Zoe and neither of us sees much of her at the moment. If I want to know what happens to Aidan in the future, I will have to google him and hope there isn’t another Aidan Kinsale in the world of financial services.
I drive home without saying goodbye to his family. I feel bad about that, because I’m closer to Aidan’s mum than I am to him. Dad says life’s all about cutting your losses. I’m not that ruthless. But I’m learning to be.
Starting to Happen
‘Why didn’t you get here earlier? I wanted to see the support.’
‘Traffic was murder,’ I tell Steve. ‘We can go in my car if you want.’
‘There’s no parking near Rock City. We might as well walk.’
‘Give me a minute to get changed.’
‘You look great as you are,’ say Steve. He’s bossy, and I can’t be bothered to argue. Am I really thinking of going out with this guy?
Walking up the hill, we discuss coursework, something we never do in the house, where it’s not cool to remind ourselves that we’re students. We both have stuff to finish for a week tomorrow, the first Friday of term. Steve can’t decide whether to do a dissertation next year or two modules.
‘How were things at home?’ I ask.
‘Same old same old. You?’
‘Helen dumped Mark, that’s the big news.’
‘Doesn’t surprise me,’ Steve says.
‘Why not?’
‘She can do better. While they’re at uni, people try to trade up. Who’s she seeing instead?’
‘Who said she’s seeing anyone? A third year, as it happens. His family’s in banking. Helen spent Easter with him.’
‘There you go,’ Steve says. ‘And did Mark try and get you to go out with him again?’
‘You’re a mind reader.’
Steve gives one of those irritating, smug grins.
‘So... have you dumped Aidan for him?’
‘No! Aidan and I did agree to finish though.’
Steve suppresses a smirk. We’re passing the Falcon on Canning Circus.
‘Let’s have a drink,’ he says. ‘It’s murder getting served at Rock City.’
‘Won’t we be late?’
‘Nah. Main act never comes on before nine-thirty.’
I take his word for it. I’m keen to see the band but he got the free tickets. I ask for a small glass of wine, rather than beer. I know how hard it is to get to the Ladies at Rock City.
‘So... you finished with Aidan but turned Mark down. Why?’
‘It’d be like — I dunno — doing A-levels again. You can’t go
Similar Books
