I tried to calm down.
Why now? I hadn’t had one in several years. It was worse than I remember. But maybe it was because my past was on the opposite side of the door, voice full of worry. It seemed like all I did was cause him to worry.
I didn’t want to tell him the truth. I didn’t want him to look at me and think how disgusting I was for what I’d done. Maybe he wouldn’t have cared. Maybe he would have been believed me when I said I’d been raped. I couldn’t remember for sure though and that irritated me. I knew I had been while knocked out and I also knew I’d been blessed to have no memory of it. That didn’t calm me, however, and never had.
Feeling the tears stream down my face, I rocked back and forth as I sobbed.
He pounded and pounded on the door, but I just cried.
Cried for the girl who thought she’d done the right thing.
For woman who had chosen to deal with it on her own.
And for the man on the opposite side of the door who had no clue what I’d gone through. Who I’d pushed away because I hadn’t known how to deal with my own feelings about the situation.
Who still loved me, even after the way I’d treated him.
And as the knocking continued, I cried harder.
“Please Ellie, let me in,” he begged. “I don’t know why you’re crying and you don’t have to tell me. Just come out and let me hold you.”
Was that all it would take?
“Come out honey. I’ll even watch Dirty Dancing with you if you want.”
I laughed through my tears, which only fell harder.
I hated that I needed him right that moment, that he could make me laugh through my tears and even after he’d walked away from me, he was the one I dreamed about. The only man I’d ever loved.
“I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well just come out.”
I knew his words were true. He’d come this far, he certainly wouldn’t give up now. I gave in.
Standing up, I went over and blew my nose, running cool water over my face as I examined my swollen eyes in the mirror. Walking over to the door, I swung it open and there he stood, waiting for me.
No smile, no frown.
He opened his arms to comfort me if I desired it, watching me intently with eyes full of concern.
So I stepped into them and as his arms enveloped me, I said the one thing I should have said when I first saw him again in that airport.
“I’m sorry, Stefan. I’m so, so sorry.”
As the tears fell from my eyes once more, I felt him relax, knowing he knew what I meant.
Stroking my hair with one hand, he kissed my cheek. “I know honey. No need to be sorry. I always knew you’d come back to me one day.”
In that moment, I was glad he’d had faith all these years because I’d so obviously lost mine in that alley six years ago.
CHAPTER TWELVE
We didn’t end up gambling the next morning. I wasn’t really up for it and Stefan made it clear that we could do it another time.
After staying up cuddling a while and watching some television, we’d gone to bed. Snuggled up against each other, I tried to find the resolve to admit to him what had happened all those years ago. Deciding I would tell him once we were back in town, I slept better than I had in a long time.
I made my goal for the rest of the drive into a simple one - enjoy our time together. We left the hotel by eleven a.m. and headed out. The sun was shining brightly and we were both in a cheerful mood.
“So, what are your plans when you get back?” He winked at me. “I hope I’m one of them.”
“I don’t really have plans other than getting settled in. Oh, except to go see Grace and her daughter Lyndsey.”
He looked over at me, brows furrowed with confusion. “You still talk to Grace?”
“Heck yeah. I mean, we went for a little while without talking but she’s always been there for me.”
Concentrating on the road, he just nodded at my answer.
“She lives in town. Don’t you ever see her?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say I do. It’s not like her and I were ever
Why now? I hadn’t had one in several years. It was worse than I remember. But maybe it was because my past was on the opposite side of the door, voice full of worry. It seemed like all I did was cause him to worry.
I didn’t want to tell him the truth. I didn’t want him to look at me and think how disgusting I was for what I’d done. Maybe he wouldn’t have cared. Maybe he would have been believed me when I said I’d been raped. I couldn’t remember for sure though and that irritated me. I knew I had been while knocked out and I also knew I’d been blessed to have no memory of it. That didn’t calm me, however, and never had.
Feeling the tears stream down my face, I rocked back and forth as I sobbed.
He pounded and pounded on the door, but I just cried.
Cried for the girl who thought she’d done the right thing.
For woman who had chosen to deal with it on her own.
And for the man on the opposite side of the door who had no clue what I’d gone through. Who I’d pushed away because I hadn’t known how to deal with my own feelings about the situation.
Who still loved me, even after the way I’d treated him.
And as the knocking continued, I cried harder.
“Please Ellie, let me in,” he begged. “I don’t know why you’re crying and you don’t have to tell me. Just come out and let me hold you.”
Was that all it would take?
“Come out honey. I’ll even watch Dirty Dancing with you if you want.”
I laughed through my tears, which only fell harder.
I hated that I needed him right that moment, that he could make me laugh through my tears and even after he’d walked away from me, he was the one I dreamed about. The only man I’d ever loved.
“I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well just come out.”
I knew his words were true. He’d come this far, he certainly wouldn’t give up now. I gave in.
Standing up, I went over and blew my nose, running cool water over my face as I examined my swollen eyes in the mirror. Walking over to the door, I swung it open and there he stood, waiting for me.
No smile, no frown.
He opened his arms to comfort me if I desired it, watching me intently with eyes full of concern.
So I stepped into them and as his arms enveloped me, I said the one thing I should have said when I first saw him again in that airport.
“I’m sorry, Stefan. I’m so, so sorry.”
As the tears fell from my eyes once more, I felt him relax, knowing he knew what I meant.
Stroking my hair with one hand, he kissed my cheek. “I know honey. No need to be sorry. I always knew you’d come back to me one day.”
In that moment, I was glad he’d had faith all these years because I’d so obviously lost mine in that alley six years ago.
CHAPTER TWELVE
We didn’t end up gambling the next morning. I wasn’t really up for it and Stefan made it clear that we could do it another time.
After staying up cuddling a while and watching some television, we’d gone to bed. Snuggled up against each other, I tried to find the resolve to admit to him what had happened all those years ago. Deciding I would tell him once we were back in town, I slept better than I had in a long time.
I made my goal for the rest of the drive into a simple one - enjoy our time together. We left the hotel by eleven a.m. and headed out. The sun was shining brightly and we were both in a cheerful mood.
“So, what are your plans when you get back?” He winked at me. “I hope I’m one of them.”
“I don’t really have plans other than getting settled in. Oh, except to go see Grace and her daughter Lyndsey.”
He looked over at me, brows furrowed with confusion. “You still talk to Grace?”
“Heck yeah. I mean, we went for a little while without talking but she’s always been there for me.”
Concentrating on the road, he just nodded at my answer.
“She lives in town. Don’t you ever see her?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say I do. It’s not like her and I were ever
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