The Ghost Shrink, the Accidental Gigolo & the Poltergeist Accountant by Vivi Andrews Page B

need to send a different energy into the universe.”
    “You’re telling me to get laid.”
    “As your boss, I don’t think I’m technically allowed to tell you to get laid…”
    “But?”
    “But if you want to see fewer horny businessmen suffering from repressed sexuality issues, then yes, you need to get laid.”
    Lucy banged her head against the wall a few times. “Sometimes I hate my job.”
    “No, you don’t,” Karma countered. “And even if you did, the money’s great. Stop bitching.”
    Karma was right on all accounts. Lucy loved her job—as weird as it got, there was something inexplicably rewarding about that moment when the ghosts let go of their worldly troubles and ascended to the next plane of existence. And the money was fantastic.
    Which was weird, frankly. After all, where did the money come from? It wasn’t like they could bill the deceased. Lucy had been preoccupied with the money angle for a while now. Admittedly, keeping the sex-crazed ghost population down was a valuable service, but who was paying for it? The company she worked for, Karmic Consultants, performed a variety of other tasks, many of which she knew little to nothing about. Was there a high market demand for exorcisms? Did they support the entire business with aura readings and I Ching consultations?
    “Lucy?”
    Lucy snapped out of her musings. “I’m here.”
    “Look, I can shut you off for a few days. You can take a vacation, work on redirecting your energy.”
    Lucy cringed. Her boss was sending her on shore leave to get laid. “No. Thanks. I’ll just, you know, keep on as I am. I’m sure things will change soon.”
    “Are you sure you don’t want me to do anything? I could—”
    “No. It’s okay,” Lucy said quickly, before her boss started pimping her out. “I’m fine. I’m great. No worries.”
    “Right. Well, if you change your mind…”
    “Yeah. Later, Karma.”
    Lucy hung up the phone before her mortification reached critical levels.

Chapter Two: Cox Gigolo Services
    The incessant banging on the front door woke her.
    Judging by her exhaustion, it was ungodly early. Judging by the clock on her nightstand, it was one-oh-two in the afternoon. Since her ghosts mostly visited her in the middle of the night and Larry the Stripper hadn’t left her until after five in the morning, one-oh-two counted as ungodly early.
    Lucy was largely nocturnal. She would occasionally go to bed at a normal hour like a normal person, but as evidenced by Larry’s timely arrival the night before, her attempts at normalcy never lasted long.
    Lucy tumbled out of bed and padded blindly toward the front door to stop the drumming, keeping her eyes closed as long as possible to maintain the illusion of continued sleep. The front door vibrated under the rain of blows coming at it from the other side. She yanked it open and squinted blearily up at the raised fist that nearly landed on her face.
    “What?”
    “Lucy Cartwright?”
    “If you’re an evangelist, I feel I should warn you that I already know about death, and you’re going straight to hell for banging down my frickin’ door.”
    Her eyes were still mostly closed or she never would have made that statement. The man who brushed past her into her apartment and slammed the door behind him did not look in any way related to God.
    “Karma sent me.” His voice was direct—a take-no-prisoners kind of voice. Very macho. “Did I wake you?” Very annoyed.
    Lucy forced her eyes open all the way. Her first, most general impression was of immense size. He was well over six feet and, although he was bulky, it was the bulk of solid muscle rather than stockbroker flab—the worn blue jeans that fit him to perfection left no question there. This guy did not spend all day in an ergonomic chair.
    Lucy took a step back to get a better view and try to get her breath back. He seemed to take up too much of the room, her cozy, uncluttered entry suddenly claustrophobia-inducing. He had