at our home north of the city. We shall, of course, be there to greet her.”
My heart fluttered. It did sound exciting. And perhaps once I had met her, observed Janyn’s behavior with her, I might be reassured. I prayed it would be so.
“What of my grandparents? Will you tell them about my parents being guests at Castle Rising, and your friendship with the queen mother? It will be difficult to say nothing, and surely Father will wish to speak of it with them.”
Again Janyn hesitated. I feared that his friendship with the dowager queen was not merely a matter of privacy, but one of secrecy and loyalty, and that he meant to guard the secret with his life. In the next breath he assured me that he had intended all along to tell Dame Agnes that very day, while we dined. He said that Grandfather already knew, but had sworn to keep it a secret, even from his wife.
“There
is
danger, Alice.”
I crossed myself. Grandmother, too, would be sworn to secrecy, I thought.
It was precisely so. Dame Agnes bristled when Janyn spoke of the importance of secrecy, insulted that he would consider her so simple as not to understand.
“Befriending the she-wolf,” she tsked as we walked home afterward. “I question his judgment, Alice, and that of Dame Tommasa’s kin. The dowager queen has been trouble since the day she landed on this island. He is your betrothed, so I shall say no more against him. But be careful around that woman, Alice. Have all your wits about you when in her presence.”
“Do you think I will be easily influenced by her?”
Dame Agnes glanced at me and her expression softened. “No, not you, dear Alice. And it is plain Janyn loves you. That is all that matters.”
Her reassurance was affectionately meant but sounded insincere. The rich food curdled in my stomach, and I went to bed with a terrible ache in my belly that night. But as my thoughts turned to Janyn himself,his kisses, his willingness to answer my questions about Mother, I felt better. I fell asleep imagining lying beside him in that great bed.
S HORTLY AFTER dining at my future home in the city, Janyn, Gwen, Grandfather, and I rode out to the country house, Fair Meadow. The house nestled in a gentle valley, surrounded by woodland. The undercroft was built of stone, the upper stories of wood. What it lacked in elegance it made up for in spaciousness and such pretty views I wished the window openings were larger. Janyn teased me when I said so, swearing that I hoped to freeze us in winter so that we would never step out of bed. His eyes caressed me and I laughed and kissed his hands. I was very happy.
My parents dined with me at the home of my grandparents several times over the course of the summer. Mother was subdued, Father loquacious. Janyn was always otherwise engaged. Her presentation to the dowager queen had apparently inspired Mother to resume speaking to me. She admired my gowns and asked about the horse and the house in the country, going out of her way to avoid Janyn’s name. When Father spoke of the honor of being guests at Castle Rising, Mother said little, but her eyes shone. I noticed that she had several new gowns as well, one of a silk that looked like the reflective surface of a lake, and I guessed it to be costlier than anything she had ever owned. Father must be bribing her to behave.
I saw Mother in a different light now, as my equal rather than my elder, as the competitor who had lost. But when my grandparents stole worried glances my way, I wondered whether I would someday regret my victory.
4
Resoun wol nought that I speke of slep
,
For it acordeth nought to my matere
.
God woot, they took of that ful litel kep!
But lest this nyght, that was to hem so deere
,
Ne sholde in veyn escape in no manere
,
It was byset in joie and bisynesse
Of al that souneth into gentilesse
.
—G EOFFREY C HAUCER ,
Troilus and Criseyde
, III, 1408–14
• 1356 •
M Y WEDDING day dawned sunny and cooler than it had
My heart fluttered. It did sound exciting. And perhaps once I had met her, observed Janyn’s behavior with her, I might be reassured. I prayed it would be so.
“What of my grandparents? Will you tell them about my parents being guests at Castle Rising, and your friendship with the queen mother? It will be difficult to say nothing, and surely Father will wish to speak of it with them.”
Again Janyn hesitated. I feared that his friendship with the dowager queen was not merely a matter of privacy, but one of secrecy and loyalty, and that he meant to guard the secret with his life. In the next breath he assured me that he had intended all along to tell Dame Agnes that very day, while we dined. He said that Grandfather already knew, but had sworn to keep it a secret, even from his wife.
“There
is
danger, Alice.”
I crossed myself. Grandmother, too, would be sworn to secrecy, I thought.
It was precisely so. Dame Agnes bristled when Janyn spoke of the importance of secrecy, insulted that he would consider her so simple as not to understand.
“Befriending the she-wolf,” she tsked as we walked home afterward. “I question his judgment, Alice, and that of Dame Tommasa’s kin. The dowager queen has been trouble since the day she landed on this island. He is your betrothed, so I shall say no more against him. But be careful around that woman, Alice. Have all your wits about you when in her presence.”
“Do you think I will be easily influenced by her?”
Dame Agnes glanced at me and her expression softened. “No, not you, dear Alice. And it is plain Janyn loves you. That is all that matters.”
Her reassurance was affectionately meant but sounded insincere. The rich food curdled in my stomach, and I went to bed with a terrible ache in my belly that night. But as my thoughts turned to Janyn himself,his kisses, his willingness to answer my questions about Mother, I felt better. I fell asleep imagining lying beside him in that great bed.
S HORTLY AFTER dining at my future home in the city, Janyn, Gwen, Grandfather, and I rode out to the country house, Fair Meadow. The house nestled in a gentle valley, surrounded by woodland. The undercroft was built of stone, the upper stories of wood. What it lacked in elegance it made up for in spaciousness and such pretty views I wished the window openings were larger. Janyn teased me when I said so, swearing that I hoped to freeze us in winter so that we would never step out of bed. His eyes caressed me and I laughed and kissed his hands. I was very happy.
My parents dined with me at the home of my grandparents several times over the course of the summer. Mother was subdued, Father loquacious. Janyn was always otherwise engaged. Her presentation to the dowager queen had apparently inspired Mother to resume speaking to me. She admired my gowns and asked about the horse and the house in the country, going out of her way to avoid Janyn’s name. When Father spoke of the honor of being guests at Castle Rising, Mother said little, but her eyes shone. I noticed that she had several new gowns as well, one of a silk that looked like the reflective surface of a lake, and I guessed it to be costlier than anything she had ever owned. Father must be bribing her to behave.
I saw Mother in a different light now, as my equal rather than my elder, as the competitor who had lost. But when my grandparents stole worried glances my way, I wondered whether I would someday regret my victory.
4
Resoun wol nought that I speke of slep
,
For it acordeth nought to my matere
.
God woot, they took of that ful litel kep!
But lest this nyght, that was to hem so deere
,
Ne sholde in veyn escape in no manere
,
It was byset in joie and bisynesse
Of al that souneth into gentilesse
.
—G EOFFREY C HAUCER ,
Troilus and Criseyde
, III, 1408–14
• 1356 •
M Y WEDDING day dawned sunny and cooler than it had
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