softened. Hooking his arms under Evan’s and around his back, Brennan wrapped him in a gentle hug—their third hug, not that Evan was counting or anything. His face pressed gently against the side of Evan’s face and Brennan whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Evan’s arms hung limp and he blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. Every complicated feeling that rose to the surface was pushed immediately back through sheer force of will, out of self-preservation.
“I’m sorry,” Brennan repeated, pressing his lips against Evan’s jaw, hissing the words. “I don’t want to lose you. I just got you back. I’ve lost too much already.”
Evan’s expression crumpled as it became too much for him—the kindness and caring, the realization that Brennan needed him already—but Brennan didn’t see. Tensing more rather than relaxing, Evan fought not to give in to the urge to hug Brennan back and said, “Wow, you sure do like to hug a lot, don’cha?”
Brennan rolled his eyes and stepped back, releasing him. “You’re family. I’m allowed to hug you.”
“Is that so?” Evan challenged, his lips pursed with determination. Brennan’s gaze slid down from Evan’s eyes to his mouth and for a dizzying split second, just a split second, Evan was sure Brennan was going to kiss him.
Do brothers kiss each other? Is that something that people do? I know hugging is fine, but kissing?
He wracked his brain, sifting through everything he’d observed of other families, his eyes widening a little in startled uncertainty.
“You’re cute,” Brennan grinned.
“Shut up,” Evan frowned. “That’s a really weird thing to say.”
“It’s true. You come off so tough, but you’re not so tough, are ya, Evan?”
“Clearly,” Evan retorted.
Brennan’s small smile disappeared. He pressed lips together and folded his arms. “Is this why Charlie wanted me to move in with you? He’s worried about you?”
Evan huffed, folds his arms too, mirroring Brennan perfectly without intending to. “No. Moving in was your idea. And he agreed because he was worried about
you
.”
“How could it have been my idea? You really think I’d just invite myself to live here?”
The words sank in, and the more they did, the more disturbed Evan became by what they implied. Brennan quickly added, “Maybe he’s worried about both of us.”
He thinks I’m going to do it again. He sent Brennan here to make sure I don’t try to kill myself. He doesn’t think I’m getting better. He thinks I’m getting worse. Am I getting worse?
Evan’s chest heaved and he blinked more as his vision blurred. He focused on a spot on the wall just to the right of Brennan’s head and sighed. “Can we just, um... I mean, I hate this shit.”
Brennan nodded, saying nothing. They each took a seat, lost in their own thoughts in silence.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly. Eventually, Brennan spoke up.
“Did you want him to do all of that? Charlie? Did you really want the eye surgery and the car and everything, or was he just trying to change you?”
Staring at Brennan, at first Evan couldn’t answer. “I don’t... I don’t know. I mean, I knew there was stuff wrong with me, so I was fine with it all. It was good to get rid of my glasses and I dug the car and, I don’t know.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Evan,” Brennan told him softly. “If he made you feel like there was stuff wrong with you, that’s awful. You didn’t need to be fixed by changing what you looked like or taking you out of school, away from people who could have been your friends, or trying to toughen you up so you wouldn’t leave him. Haven’t you thought about this stuff? Charlie doesn’t know you better than you know yourself. It’s your life; you should be making the decisions about it. You’re strong and beautiful, and perfect, just the way you are. You should know that. Don’t let anyone try to change you. Not even him.”
Evan was looking down at his hands and
Evan’s arms hung limp and he blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. Every complicated feeling that rose to the surface was pushed immediately back through sheer force of will, out of self-preservation.
“I’m sorry,” Brennan repeated, pressing his lips against Evan’s jaw, hissing the words. “I don’t want to lose you. I just got you back. I’ve lost too much already.”
Evan’s expression crumpled as it became too much for him—the kindness and caring, the realization that Brennan needed him already—but Brennan didn’t see. Tensing more rather than relaxing, Evan fought not to give in to the urge to hug Brennan back and said, “Wow, you sure do like to hug a lot, don’cha?”
Brennan rolled his eyes and stepped back, releasing him. “You’re family. I’m allowed to hug you.”
“Is that so?” Evan challenged, his lips pursed with determination. Brennan’s gaze slid down from Evan’s eyes to his mouth and for a dizzying split second, just a split second, Evan was sure Brennan was going to kiss him.
Do brothers kiss each other? Is that something that people do? I know hugging is fine, but kissing?
He wracked his brain, sifting through everything he’d observed of other families, his eyes widening a little in startled uncertainty.
“You’re cute,” Brennan grinned.
“Shut up,” Evan frowned. “That’s a really weird thing to say.”
“It’s true. You come off so tough, but you’re not so tough, are ya, Evan?”
“Clearly,” Evan retorted.
Brennan’s small smile disappeared. He pressed lips together and folded his arms. “Is this why Charlie wanted me to move in with you? He’s worried about you?”
Evan huffed, folds his arms too, mirroring Brennan perfectly without intending to. “No. Moving in was your idea. And he agreed because he was worried about
you
.”
“How could it have been my idea? You really think I’d just invite myself to live here?”
The words sank in, and the more they did, the more disturbed Evan became by what they implied. Brennan quickly added, “Maybe he’s worried about both of us.”
He thinks I’m going to do it again. He sent Brennan here to make sure I don’t try to kill myself. He doesn’t think I’m getting better. He thinks I’m getting worse. Am I getting worse?
Evan’s chest heaved and he blinked more as his vision blurred. He focused on a spot on the wall just to the right of Brennan’s head and sighed. “Can we just, um... I mean, I hate this shit.”
Brennan nodded, saying nothing. They each took a seat, lost in their own thoughts in silence.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly. Eventually, Brennan spoke up.
“Did you want him to do all of that? Charlie? Did you really want the eye surgery and the car and everything, or was he just trying to change you?”
Staring at Brennan, at first Evan couldn’t answer. “I don’t... I don’t know. I mean, I knew there was stuff wrong with me, so I was fine with it all. It was good to get rid of my glasses and I dug the car and, I don’t know.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Evan,” Brennan told him softly. “If he made you feel like there was stuff wrong with you, that’s awful. You didn’t need to be fixed by changing what you looked like or taking you out of school, away from people who could have been your friends, or trying to toughen you up so you wouldn’t leave him. Haven’t you thought about this stuff? Charlie doesn’t know you better than you know yourself. It’s your life; you should be making the decisions about it. You’re strong and beautiful, and perfect, just the way you are. You should know that. Don’t let anyone try to change you. Not even him.”
Evan was looking down at his hands and
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