Boulevard, down by the beach. He had a great time. Got lots of fresh air. He’s good and tired. I am too, actually.”
“Great. Alright. Sounds like a good day.”
“Lydia.” Matt paused, then ventured, “You have to know that he’s fine when he’s with me, and that you don’t need to check on him every few hours. Let go that much, okay? If something bad ever happened, I’d call you right away. Other than that, you don’t need to call to check in. I don’t just mean today, I mean whenever he’s with me. Like, from now on, for the rest of his childhood.”
Lydia pressed her lips together hard, wondering if Sam could feel her body tense as she sat against him. “I’m trying,” she said, her voice low. “Give me time, and I’ll get there. In the meantime, I called. Is that really a big deal?”
“No. I’m just telling you that you don’t have to,” Matt said. “I mean… we’re going to be divorced for the rest of our lives, for the rest of Andy’s life. I don’t check on you, call you two or three times a day to see how he’s doing. I know you're a good parent, and I don't worry about him, because I don't have to. And I’m asking for a little of the same in return.”
“You’re right. Okay.”
“Okay.” Matt sighed. “Do you want to say good night to him?”
“Sure.” Lydia closed her eyes, swallowed hard. Sam squeezed her shoulder in assurance. She turned her face up to him and gave him a quick, forced smile before she heard Andy’s tiny helium voice say, “Mama?”
“Hi baby,” she cooed into the phone. “Hi sweetie. I just wanted to say good night to you. Are you having fun with Daddy? You had a good time today?”
“Yah,” Andy said, his voice sounding tired but happy. “Dada. Yah. Dada paaaahk.”
Lydia felt her whole face light up. “Park! Daddy took you to the park!”
“Yah,” Andy squeaked.
“You said ‘park’! Good boy!” she gushed, sitting up straighter in her joy. “That’s right, Daddy took you to the park! You must have had a really good time, huh?”
Sam watched her silently, taking in the complex myriad of emotions she went through in such a short time. Her voice had immediately changed when she’d spoken to Matt. Her rich, lyrical speaking voice had gone almost completely flat in tone, tight, like speaking to Matt was something to be tolerated or endured.
He remembered how, the weekend they’d met, she had mentioned several times that she was tired a lot of the time, how she felt drained. He was starting to grasp one of the main reasons why: if this was her daily routine, she lived on an emotional roller coaster, flashing quickly from a high to a low and back again within minutes, and possibly did that multiple times in the course of a day. It was probably exhausting, both mentally and physically. He listened to the deep love and affection in her voice as she wished her son sweet dreams; then how, within an instant, her voice went flat again as she said goodbye to Matt.
“Sorry about that,” she mumbled as she shoved her cell phone back into her bag.
“Andy said a new word?” Sam asked lightly.
Lydia broke into a broad smile. “He did. He tried to tell me that his father took him to the park, only he said ‘paaaahk’. It took me by surprise. A wonderful surprise, mind you.”
“That’s great,” Sam said. “Good for him.”
“Yeah,” she nodded, unable to get the soft, proud smile off her face. Sam pulled her back to rest against him once more and kissed her forehead tenderly. She nestled closer into him.
Within minutes, it was dark outside, and the cab was winding through the curvy streets of the West Village. Lydia couldn’t help but laugh. “We’re just covering all of Manhattan today, aren’t we? Midtown, uptown, now way downtown—talk about a whirlwind tour!”
“Are you enjoying it?” Sam asked.
“Absolutely,” she smiled. She turned her face up to his and kissed him. His hand went to her cheek and held her
“Great. Alright. Sounds like a good day.”
“Lydia.” Matt paused, then ventured, “You have to know that he’s fine when he’s with me, and that you don’t need to check on him every few hours. Let go that much, okay? If something bad ever happened, I’d call you right away. Other than that, you don’t need to call to check in. I don’t just mean today, I mean whenever he’s with me. Like, from now on, for the rest of his childhood.”
Lydia pressed her lips together hard, wondering if Sam could feel her body tense as she sat against him. “I’m trying,” she said, her voice low. “Give me time, and I’ll get there. In the meantime, I called. Is that really a big deal?”
“No. I’m just telling you that you don’t have to,” Matt said. “I mean… we’re going to be divorced for the rest of our lives, for the rest of Andy’s life. I don’t check on you, call you two or three times a day to see how he’s doing. I know you're a good parent, and I don't worry about him, because I don't have to. And I’m asking for a little of the same in return.”
“You’re right. Okay.”
“Okay.” Matt sighed. “Do you want to say good night to him?”
“Sure.” Lydia closed her eyes, swallowed hard. Sam squeezed her shoulder in assurance. She turned her face up to him and gave him a quick, forced smile before she heard Andy’s tiny helium voice say, “Mama?”
“Hi baby,” she cooed into the phone. “Hi sweetie. I just wanted to say good night to you. Are you having fun with Daddy? You had a good time today?”
“Yah,” Andy said, his voice sounding tired but happy. “Dada. Yah. Dada paaaahk.”
Lydia felt her whole face light up. “Park! Daddy took you to the park!”
“Yah,” Andy squeaked.
“You said ‘park’! Good boy!” she gushed, sitting up straighter in her joy. “That’s right, Daddy took you to the park! You must have had a really good time, huh?”
Sam watched her silently, taking in the complex myriad of emotions she went through in such a short time. Her voice had immediately changed when she’d spoken to Matt. Her rich, lyrical speaking voice had gone almost completely flat in tone, tight, like speaking to Matt was something to be tolerated or endured.
He remembered how, the weekend they’d met, she had mentioned several times that she was tired a lot of the time, how she felt drained. He was starting to grasp one of the main reasons why: if this was her daily routine, she lived on an emotional roller coaster, flashing quickly from a high to a low and back again within minutes, and possibly did that multiple times in the course of a day. It was probably exhausting, both mentally and physically. He listened to the deep love and affection in her voice as she wished her son sweet dreams; then how, within an instant, her voice went flat again as she said goodbye to Matt.
“Sorry about that,” she mumbled as she shoved her cell phone back into her bag.
“Andy said a new word?” Sam asked lightly.
Lydia broke into a broad smile. “He did. He tried to tell me that his father took him to the park, only he said ‘paaaahk’. It took me by surprise. A wonderful surprise, mind you.”
“That’s great,” Sam said. “Good for him.”
“Yeah,” she nodded, unable to get the soft, proud smile off her face. Sam pulled her back to rest against him once more and kissed her forehead tenderly. She nestled closer into him.
Within minutes, it was dark outside, and the cab was winding through the curvy streets of the West Village. Lydia couldn’t help but laugh. “We’re just covering all of Manhattan today, aren’t we? Midtown, uptown, now way downtown—talk about a whirlwind tour!”
“Are you enjoying it?” Sam asked.
“Absolutely,” she smiled. She turned her face up to his and kissed him. His hand went to her cheek and held her
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