You, Me and Him by Alice Peterson Page B

chest out like a crow.
    ‘How’s the work going?’ my father asks him.
    ‘Funny you should mention it, Phil.’ I can’t look at Dad as I know we’ll both get the giggles. ‘I met a couple in London who want me to redesign their kitchen, real City slickers, you know.’ Dicky has an unfortunate front tooth that moves when he talks. ‘I told them today it’s all about smooth marble surfaces and units painted a uniform colour, to give it the minimalist look. “
Voilà!
It’s a no-brainer,” I said.’
    ‘
Absolument
,’ Dad replies gravely.
    Finn touches my shoulder for solidarity before he hands Granny her glass of brandy and ginger and leads her to the tall comfy chair that’s angled precisely towards the large flat-screen television.
    Dicky continues, ‘So the next stage was …’
    ‘Why are you orange?’ Granny interrupts. ‘Where have you been? Ibiza?’
    I try not to laugh. Dicky does have faint lines around his eyes where the sun-bed goggles have been.
    Next Ed arrives with his new girlfriend. ‘Granny, this is Zoe.’
    She eyes them cautiously. ‘You’re late. Stopped for a bit of nooky, did you?’
    ‘Granny!’ we all say together.
    My father laughs. He likes Granny. She delves into her handbag to find her old silver cigarette case. ‘I need a twig.’
    Soon glasses are being refilled, crisps and nuts are being heaped into serving bowls. Finn is laughing about some new voice-over Ed has just landed for a soap powder. Ed is still an actor. He’s had a few minor roles in soap operas and hospital dramas but hasn’t made his name yet. ‘When are you going to get a proper job?’ Gwen always asks him.
    I take some salted nuts over to Granny. I try hard not to inhale cigarette smoke but she pulls me down onto the sofa next to her. ‘Where’s my favourite great-grandson?’ she asks.
    ‘Upstairs. He’s tired, didn’t sleep at all last night.’
    ‘Good. I’ve brought you something.’ Has Granny bought me a present this year? A piece of vintage jewellery, perhaps? With one shaky hand she gives me a newspaper cutting. ‘Thought it was rather interesting,’ she says. ‘The experts say ADHD doesn’t exist.’
    *
    Lunch is finally over and we are all watching the Queen’s Speech. I can hear George jumping down the stairs. He never walks; he runs. He reaches the bottom and skids across the floor. George never lands; he crashes.
    Gwen offers one side of her face to him and I watch her wipe it afterwards, the way I used to with an ‘Ugh!’ when either Mum or Dad kissed me. Her first grandchild and she can hardly bear to look at him. Granny pats the seat next to her. George ignores the signal and starts to tell everyone in great detail about the school nativity play. Already I can see glazed expressions. It’s like a long-winded joke being recalled and then heavy disappointment because no one really gets it.
    ‘Bravo,’ Granny kindly says.
    ‘Wow, look at all the presents!’ He starts to shake them. ‘Are they all for me?’
    We decide now is a good time to open them and wrapping paper gets torn off with enthusiasm.
    ‘Thanks for the cheque, Mum,’ Finn says.
    For the first time she looks sheepish. ‘I know money’s unimaginative but …’
    ‘It’s great,’ he says graciously.
    ‘I love my cardi, darling.’ She presses it to her chest but of course doesn’t have time actually to try it on.
    The telephone rings. ‘Who calls on Christmas Day?’ shouts Granny. ‘It’ll be “the lover”, won’t it?’
    It is Clarky. ‘Can we talk later? Lots of love,’ I mutter quietly, aware of Granny staring at me like a hawk.
    ‘Right.’ Finn taps his champagne glass with a teaspoon again. ‘I would like to make a toast to Josie.’
    Is he going to praise me for my cooking? Thank me for hosting Christmas Day?
    ‘This year, she couldn’t have given me a better present.’
    A shiver runs down my spine. ‘I want to tell them,’ he says.
    ‘Finn,’ I stare hard at him,