stand on wobbly legs, I
whisper his name, then I fall down on my
knees. Immediately, Eagan kneels in front of
me and grabs my shoulders.
“Brina?” His voice is worried.
I try to smile, while I drink him in. His blue
eyes are dusky. The beard stubble shadowing
his face gives him an older and more dangerous
appearance.
I want to reach out and trail my fingers over
his soft lips.
He repeats my name. My eyes move away
from his face and settle on my hands, clasped
in my lap.
“I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you after
David died, please forgive me,” I manage to
utter.
Eagan squeezes my shoulders. “I forgive
you.”
“I disappeared. I avoided you because four
years ago something happened. I was in love
with you and I stole a kiss. It was after my
concert. You were sleeping. You looked so
lovely. I couldn't resist. I had to kiss you. But
afterward I was ashamed. We were friends and
I felt like I had betrayed our bond. I ran away
because I could not face you. I was a coward. I
know now.”
Eagan strokes his hands across my shoulders,
and along the column of my neck, then he cups
my face in his palms and tilts it upward to
meet his gentle gaze. The band-aid on his right
hand scratches my skin. As his forehead
touches mine, I close my eyes, for I'm afraid.
Eagan's thumbs caress my cheeks.
“Don't cry,” he says.
“I'm not.”
He chuckles. “Yes you are, kitty-cat.”
“I can't even feel my own tears. Damn it,
Eagan! I'm a mess without you, and I'm a mess
with you. I don't know what to do.” Then a
painful sob escapes from my throat, then
another and another.
Eagan pulls me to him and holds me tight
against his broad chest.
I wind my arms around his waist and I grab
at the back of his shirt with my cold fingers.
“Are you still in love with me?” His voice is
ragged.
I nod and exhale a broken sob, then I
desperately try to breathe the tears away. The
familiar scents of cinnamon and male sweat
invade my senses. They cause hurt and relief. I
welcome both feelings, because this could be
the last time I'm allowed to stay this close to
him.
Eagan's fingers slide into my hair and then
wrap around my nape. He pulls me slightly
away from him. I force my eyes to open and
finally I look at him. A small act of bravery.
What I see makes me tremble; Eagan's eyes
are moist and his lips are stretched into a
tender smile. A quick glance at his throat
shows me that his heart is beating wildly, just
like mine.
“What?” I whisper my question and press my
palms to his warm chest.
Eagan brushes a kiss across my temple.
“Please don't,” I tell him.
He pulls back a little to stare at my
expression.
“Why not?” There's a feeble tremor in his
voice.
“Because your kindness, right now, hurts
me.” My words are a rasping plea.
“Close your eyes. Pay attention. Trust me.”
The orders are given with kindness.
I hesitate.
“Say yes, Brina.” He insists.
I close my eyes.
Once again, he cradles my face in his hands.
His soft lips whisper across my eyelids, the
bridge of my nose, my cheekbones. When they
reach my jaw, they become more insistent,
then they part and the tip of Eagan's tongue
touches my skin.
I heave a sigh full of questions.
“Keep listening,” Eagan murmurs against my
skin.
I open my mouth, but I have no words.
Eagan nibbles at my upper lip, then at my
lower lip.
I whimper.
His tongue slips inside my parted lips and
strokes my tongue. It's a tentative touch at
first, but soon it becomes more urgent. Our
breathing grows more labored. Our hands
caress, search, clutch. Our bodies melt into
one another.
I link my arms around his neck, while Eagan
seizes my waist and lifts me, so that I straddle
his hips. As we devour each other, I grind into
his pelvis. The feeling is so good, a deep moan
explodes in my chest. Eagan responds with a
groan imbued with want. I move greedily
against his erection; this time he doesn't
whisper his name, then I fall down on my
knees. Immediately, Eagan kneels in front of
me and grabs my shoulders.
“Brina?” His voice is worried.
I try to smile, while I drink him in. His blue
eyes are dusky. The beard stubble shadowing
his face gives him an older and more dangerous
appearance.
I want to reach out and trail my fingers over
his soft lips.
He repeats my name. My eyes move away
from his face and settle on my hands, clasped
in my lap.
“I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you after
David died, please forgive me,” I manage to
utter.
Eagan squeezes my shoulders. “I forgive
you.”
“I disappeared. I avoided you because four
years ago something happened. I was in love
with you and I stole a kiss. It was after my
concert. You were sleeping. You looked so
lovely. I couldn't resist. I had to kiss you. But
afterward I was ashamed. We were friends and
I felt like I had betrayed our bond. I ran away
because I could not face you. I was a coward. I
know now.”
Eagan strokes his hands across my shoulders,
and along the column of my neck, then he cups
my face in his palms and tilts it upward to
meet his gentle gaze. The band-aid on his right
hand scratches my skin. As his forehead
touches mine, I close my eyes, for I'm afraid.
Eagan's thumbs caress my cheeks.
“Don't cry,” he says.
“I'm not.”
He chuckles. “Yes you are, kitty-cat.”
“I can't even feel my own tears. Damn it,
Eagan! I'm a mess without you, and I'm a mess
with you. I don't know what to do.” Then a
painful sob escapes from my throat, then
another and another.
Eagan pulls me to him and holds me tight
against his broad chest.
I wind my arms around his waist and I grab
at the back of his shirt with my cold fingers.
“Are you still in love with me?” His voice is
ragged.
I nod and exhale a broken sob, then I
desperately try to breathe the tears away. The
familiar scents of cinnamon and male sweat
invade my senses. They cause hurt and relief. I
welcome both feelings, because this could be
the last time I'm allowed to stay this close to
him.
Eagan's fingers slide into my hair and then
wrap around my nape. He pulls me slightly
away from him. I force my eyes to open and
finally I look at him. A small act of bravery.
What I see makes me tremble; Eagan's eyes
are moist and his lips are stretched into a
tender smile. A quick glance at his throat
shows me that his heart is beating wildly, just
like mine.
“What?” I whisper my question and press my
palms to his warm chest.
Eagan brushes a kiss across my temple.
“Please don't,” I tell him.
He pulls back a little to stare at my
expression.
“Why not?” There's a feeble tremor in his
voice.
“Because your kindness, right now, hurts
me.” My words are a rasping plea.
“Close your eyes. Pay attention. Trust me.”
The orders are given with kindness.
I hesitate.
“Say yes, Brina.” He insists.
I close my eyes.
Once again, he cradles my face in his hands.
His soft lips whisper across my eyelids, the
bridge of my nose, my cheekbones. When they
reach my jaw, they become more insistent,
then they part and the tip of Eagan's tongue
touches my skin.
I heave a sigh full of questions.
“Keep listening,” Eagan murmurs against my
skin.
I open my mouth, but I have no words.
Eagan nibbles at my upper lip, then at my
lower lip.
I whimper.
His tongue slips inside my parted lips and
strokes my tongue. It's a tentative touch at
first, but soon it becomes more urgent. Our
breathing grows more labored. Our hands
caress, search, clutch. Our bodies melt into
one another.
I link my arms around his neck, while Eagan
seizes my waist and lifts me, so that I straddle
his hips. As we devour each other, I grind into
his pelvis. The feeling is so good, a deep moan
explodes in my chest. Eagan responds with a
groan imbued with want. I move greedily
against his erection; this time he doesn't
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