Crossed Blades by Kelly McCullough

us had chosen to unshutter our thieveslights. I didn’t want to see the pain that went with that voice.
    “You should have killed him, Aral.”
    “You loved him once,” I said.
    “So did you. I got over it long before the temple fell. Why didn’t you? If not in the years before the fall, when he started treating you badly, then later, when he arranged to have you and Triss tied to a rack?”
    “Because I looked at him and I saw what he used to be,” I replied. “There was a greatness there once.”
    “No, Aral. There never was.” I drew a breath to respond, but Jax preempted me. “Don’t. I knew him better than anyone, I think. Better than you did, certainly.”
    Jax took another long drink—I could hear the sweet gurgle of whiskey leaving the bottle. “I
heard
the things that he’d never say to you, the bitter things he whispered in the dark, his angers and his envies, and how very much he resented playing the second sword to ‘the great Aral Kingslayer.’”
    That stung. “I know that it was hard for him to have me as a best friend after I killed Ashvik. I can’t blame him for resenting the attention the masters gave me.”
    “Not just the masters,” said Jax. “The whole world.”
    I felt my face heat. I never much liked the renown that came with killing a king. I was proud of what I’d done, ending the life of a monster in a crown. Proud, too, of my ability. I’d managed an execution that three senior masters had died attempting. For a little while I was the world’s best . . . assassin—I still found that word uncomfortable. It wasn’t what the goddess called us, nor how we’d thought of ourselves, but now, looking back, I had to admit it was what we were. I’d loved the work and knowing I was good at what I did, but I’d never felt comfortable with the adulation.
    “He couldn’t stand all the attention you got,” said Jax. “He hated that you were Aral Kingslayer and he was plain old Devin Urslan. He hated you.”
    “I can’t believe that. Envied yes, I know that. I’d have to be an idiot not to, but hate? No. He may have said things he didn’t really mean, but that’s all.”
    “Why the fuck are you defending him? He betrayed Namara and he betrayed the order. But long before that he betrayed you. He’s a traitor through and through.” Jax shifted and then drew in a harsh pained breath. “He told me how much he hated you, Aral, more than once, and he meant every fucking word of it. That’s what drew us together in the first place.”
    “I—”
    “No. Let me finish. This needs to be said. Just give me a moment.”
    Jax took another drink and I found myself wishing for the bottle again. I started quietly searching around for another and hoping Triss or Sshayar would get involved in the conversation, though I understood why they didn’t. This was a human thing, between me and Jax and Devin.
    “It’s true, Aral. The whole damned order thought you walked in the shadow of the goddess. Everybody but Devin and, later, me. After you and I broke up, we both hated you. That’s what put us in bed together. I thought it would hurt you more than sleeping with anyone else would. And Devin . . . well, Devin’s motivations were more complex. I think he wanted to be you as much as hurt you, and he figured fucking me would serve for both.”
    “I was happy for the two of you,” I said.
    “I know, and damn but it pissed us off. It’s funny really. You were what brought Devin and I together, but you were ultimately what drove us apart as well.”
    “How so?”
    “I hated you for what you did to me. Devin hated you for what you were. Somewhere along the line I realized that as much as you’d hurt me, you hadn’t done it because you wanted to cause me pain. You did it because you figured out we were never going to work as an us. And, quite simply, you were right. It took me longer to get there than it took you, but if we’d stayed together I’d have come to the same