through my teeth to protect a man who doesn’t even want me. I tell them I was blindfolded, and didn’t see or hear anything. I was dumped at my doorstep after a month, I don’t know why. I told Ava to agree with me, even though she wants Jagger to go down. I told her how dangerous it was for her to tell the truth.
My Sister Jenny cried for the days by my side, and I did my best to comfort her. I kept details to a minimum; I don’t want her to know about my Father. She doesn’t need that pain. So, basically, the week has been hell and all I can think about it him. Jagger. I miss him so much; words can’t describe the pain I feel. I know it’s off, so I make an appointment with a shrink.
I’m sitting in her office on day eight, staring at the wall with a grim expression. Doctor Peterson is a tall, pretty woman with flaming red hair and blue eyes. She smiles a lot and nods her head constantly, as though she’s agreei ng with everything I’m saying; which I know she’s not. She must think I’m crazy. I have no doubt about it.
“So, what happened after you two had sex?”
I glare at her. “He made love to me, you don’t understand.”
She nods again, fuck her dammed head nodding. “I think you believe you made love, but making love is for people in love. From what you tell me, this man didn’t love you.”
“He took care of me, he freaked out when I was hurt, and he said kind things to me. He wasn’t a monster, he cared enough.”
“Caring and loving are two different things , Willow.”
“I know that,” I snap.
“Why don’t we look at the fact that he hasn’t contacted you at all this past week?”
“I told him not to.”
“And you don’t think a man in love would try anyway?”
“I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t have it. I don’t have Stockholm syndrome.”
“I didn’t say that, while it’s common in kidnapping victims, I believe your case is a little different. Your kidnapper didn’t take you to hurt you, in a sense; he took you to protect you.”
“How do you suppose that?” I snort.
“From what you tell me, the other option would have been much worse.”
I shudder.
“Why don’t you tell me more about your feelings for this man? Help me understand.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I never said you were.”
“My feelings aren’t fake, ”
“While I believe this man didn’t intend on hurting you, I’m not quite sure I’d go as far as saying he cares about you so tell me how you came about feeling this way for him.”
“He cared.”
“Cared?”
“Seriously, can we just drop it? I survived, I made it through and I’m free. End of story.”
“Why did you just change the subject Willow?”
I huff, “Because I don’t know how to answer you without sounding insane!”
“Then tell me, what is it that makes y ou want to be with him so badly?”
“I didn’t say I want to be with him.”
She leans back in her chair and writes down some more notes. “Ok, so you don’t miss him?”
“Of course I do!”
“Can you tell me why?”
“I don’t know why, I hate that I m iss someone who did that to me. It makes no sense in my mind, I feel like I’m losing the plot. I care about him and I don’t know why, I don’t know anything. When we made love, he was different. He was sweet and caring, he was…beautiful.”
She nods and then closes her note book. “I think that’s enough for today. I want you to go home and think about why you defend him, and why you resent him and bring me some notes for our next session.”
I don’t thank her, or say anything else. I just stand and walk out. This is doing my head in and I can’t deal with it.
~*~*~*~
“Willow, it’s ok, I don’t expect you to come.” Jenny says, tipping some sugar into her coffee.
It’s day eighteen of my release, and I don’t feel any better. I miss Jagger, God, I miss him. My shrink tries to make sense of it, of me, but she’s getting nowhere. I’m all over the place. I
My Sister Jenny cried for the days by my side, and I did my best to comfort her. I kept details to a minimum; I don’t want her to know about my Father. She doesn’t need that pain. So, basically, the week has been hell and all I can think about it him. Jagger. I miss him so much; words can’t describe the pain I feel. I know it’s off, so I make an appointment with a shrink.
I’m sitting in her office on day eight, staring at the wall with a grim expression. Doctor Peterson is a tall, pretty woman with flaming red hair and blue eyes. She smiles a lot and nods her head constantly, as though she’s agreei ng with everything I’m saying; which I know she’s not. She must think I’m crazy. I have no doubt about it.
“So, what happened after you two had sex?”
I glare at her. “He made love to me, you don’t understand.”
She nods again, fuck her dammed head nodding. “I think you believe you made love, but making love is for people in love. From what you tell me, this man didn’t love you.”
“He took care of me, he freaked out when I was hurt, and he said kind things to me. He wasn’t a monster, he cared enough.”
“Caring and loving are two different things , Willow.”
“I know that,” I snap.
“Why don’t we look at the fact that he hasn’t contacted you at all this past week?”
“I told him not to.”
“And you don’t think a man in love would try anyway?”
“I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t have it. I don’t have Stockholm syndrome.”
“I didn’t say that, while it’s common in kidnapping victims, I believe your case is a little different. Your kidnapper didn’t take you to hurt you, in a sense; he took you to protect you.”
“How do you suppose that?” I snort.
“From what you tell me, the other option would have been much worse.”
I shudder.
“Why don’t you tell me more about your feelings for this man? Help me understand.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I never said you were.”
“My feelings aren’t fake, ”
“While I believe this man didn’t intend on hurting you, I’m not quite sure I’d go as far as saying he cares about you so tell me how you came about feeling this way for him.”
“He cared.”
“Cared?”
“Seriously, can we just drop it? I survived, I made it through and I’m free. End of story.”
“Why did you just change the subject Willow?”
I huff, “Because I don’t know how to answer you without sounding insane!”
“Then tell me, what is it that makes y ou want to be with him so badly?”
“I didn’t say I want to be with him.”
She leans back in her chair and writes down some more notes. “Ok, so you don’t miss him?”
“Of course I do!”
“Can you tell me why?”
“I don’t know why, I hate that I m iss someone who did that to me. It makes no sense in my mind, I feel like I’m losing the plot. I care about him and I don’t know why, I don’t know anything. When we made love, he was different. He was sweet and caring, he was…beautiful.”
She nods and then closes her note book. “I think that’s enough for today. I want you to go home and think about why you defend him, and why you resent him and bring me some notes for our next session.”
I don’t thank her, or say anything else. I just stand and walk out. This is doing my head in and I can’t deal with it.
~*~*~*~
“Willow, it’s ok, I don’t expect you to come.” Jenny says, tipping some sugar into her coffee.
It’s day eighteen of my release, and I don’t feel any better. I miss Jagger, God, I miss him. My shrink tries to make sense of it, of me, but she’s getting nowhere. I’m all over the place. I
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