killed.”
There are moments in life when all of nature, every element in our physical surroundings, just stops. There is some piece
of news so shocking, or an experience so intense, usually in its horror and only rarely in its beauty, that we literally freeze
in the moment. A plane falls from the sky, a building is leveled, a beloved leader is mortally wounded. Horrific moments revealed
by a glance at a headline or the flip of a knob. News that shatters dreams, for victim and survivor alike; news that becomes
frozen forever in our collective consciousness.
Each among us, if we live long enough, will experience such pain and shock at least once in our private lives. There will
be some news, event, or experience that sears through our essence to the very core of our being. A phone will ring, a letter
will be delivered, a doctor or nurse will avoid our eyes, and our world will be forever altered in an instant.
Anna had experienced this feeling twice in her life before the moment she sat with Father John Duffy on the top of the flat
rock at Gay Head. The most recent time was when, just a little over eighteen months ago, her gynecologist had told her she
had an ovarian tumor. The other—well, it was when Beth had handed her the letter from Kevin’s mother.
Anna’s heart stopped in her chest; the ocean stood perfectly still and the breeze ceased to flutter. Anna Carroll’s world
came to a complete halt.
Anna would not remember how much time had passed as she stared into his eyes. “How long have you known?” she asked.
“I didn’t really piece it all together until we were walking yesterday morning on Chappaquiddick,” John said, “that’s why
I left you and walked away. The revelation came to me in a flash, and I just had to leave.”
Anna was sure she was sobbing. There were no tears, just a pounding in her chest and in her ears. But she needed to hear what
he had to say.
“Kevin was two years younger than me. He would have been fifty in September. He was the brightest of us all, the heart and
brains of the family, and none of us have really gotten over his death either, Annie.”
John was crying now. He continued, “I am so happy to know about you and him, and, at the same time, I feel terrible that none
of us had any idea about the extent of your relationship. We knew there had been a girlfriend, of course, but Kevin was always
very private about that kind of thing. I guess we should have known by the letter he had left for my mother in case of his
death.”
Anna slowly turned her head, looked down, and took an envelope out of his hand.
“I never saw the letter until Mom died three years ago,” John said. “She had kept it all these years in a small cigar box
by her bed. There were a few other things in there, but it was this letter that moved us the most.”
With trembling hands, Anna touched the paper as if it were made of fragile glass. She held on to it for what seemed an eternity.
He carefully and gently pulled each one of her shaking fingers back, took the letter out of the envelope, and began to read:
Dear Ma,
I know you wouldn’t be reading this unless you needed to, so I know all of you are in a lot of pain right now. First let me
say that I love you all very much. I know this is a difficult time for you, but I hope you can find some comfort in knowing
this is God’s plan for me.
Ma, I need you to do something for me. There is a wonderful girl at school who needs to know what has happened. I’m sorry
now I never told any of you about her, or her about all of you, but—well, you know me, I was never too good at doing the proper
thing. Anyway, her name is Annie and she needs to know. It would mean everything to me if you were the one to tell her I’m
gone.
Between you and me, Ma, I love her like nothing else in the world. I honestly thought I’d be lucky enough to beat this stupid
mess, and we’d be together forever. I thought I’d
There are moments in life when all of nature, every element in our physical surroundings, just stops. There is some piece
of news so shocking, or an experience so intense, usually in its horror and only rarely in its beauty, that we literally freeze
in the moment. A plane falls from the sky, a building is leveled, a beloved leader is mortally wounded. Horrific moments revealed
by a glance at a headline or the flip of a knob. News that shatters dreams, for victim and survivor alike; news that becomes
frozen forever in our collective consciousness.
Each among us, if we live long enough, will experience such pain and shock at least once in our private lives. There will
be some news, event, or experience that sears through our essence to the very core of our being. A phone will ring, a letter
will be delivered, a doctor or nurse will avoid our eyes, and our world will be forever altered in an instant.
Anna had experienced this feeling twice in her life before the moment she sat with Father John Duffy on the top of the flat
rock at Gay Head. The most recent time was when, just a little over eighteen months ago, her gynecologist had told her she
had an ovarian tumor. The other—well, it was when Beth had handed her the letter from Kevin’s mother.
Anna’s heart stopped in her chest; the ocean stood perfectly still and the breeze ceased to flutter. Anna Carroll’s world
came to a complete halt.
Anna would not remember how much time had passed as she stared into his eyes. “How long have you known?” she asked.
“I didn’t really piece it all together until we were walking yesterday morning on Chappaquiddick,” John said, “that’s why
I left you and walked away. The revelation came to me in a flash, and I just had to leave.”
Anna was sure she was sobbing. There were no tears, just a pounding in her chest and in her ears. But she needed to hear what
he had to say.
“Kevin was two years younger than me. He would have been fifty in September. He was the brightest of us all, the heart and
brains of the family, and none of us have really gotten over his death either, Annie.”
John was crying now. He continued, “I am so happy to know about you and him, and, at the same time, I feel terrible that none
of us had any idea about the extent of your relationship. We knew there had been a girlfriend, of course, but Kevin was always
very private about that kind of thing. I guess we should have known by the letter he had left for my mother in case of his
death.”
Anna slowly turned her head, looked down, and took an envelope out of his hand.
“I never saw the letter until Mom died three years ago,” John said. “She had kept it all these years in a small cigar box
by her bed. There were a few other things in there, but it was this letter that moved us the most.”
With trembling hands, Anna touched the paper as if it were made of fragile glass. She held on to it for what seemed an eternity.
He carefully and gently pulled each one of her shaking fingers back, took the letter out of the envelope, and began to read:
Dear Ma,
I know you wouldn’t be reading this unless you needed to, so I know all of you are in a lot of pain right now. First let me
say that I love you all very much. I know this is a difficult time for you, but I hope you can find some comfort in knowing
this is God’s plan for me.
Ma, I need you to do something for me. There is a wonderful girl at school who needs to know what has happened. I’m sorry
now I never told any of you about her, or her about all of you, but—well, you know me, I was never too good at doing the proper
thing. Anyway, her name is Annie and she needs to know. It would mean everything to me if you were the one to tell her I’m
gone.
Between you and me, Ma, I love her like nothing else in the world. I honestly thought I’d be lucky enough to beat this stupid
mess, and we’d be together forever. I thought I’d
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