in his closet and tossed me a pair of red sweatpants and a CSU-Polk sweatshirt. I took my wet clothes off, folded them, and pulled the sweats on. I sat down in his desk chair.
Why didnât Chad want me? What was wrong with me?
You donât look like Jacob, the insidious voice mocked me again. Why choose a Honda when you can have a Bentley?
âAre you okay?â Roger asked again.
I was about to say something about Chad when I looked at him. He was so happy I was his little brother, I knew I could never, ever tell him Iâd picked Chad first. I just nodded instead and forced a smile onto my face. âI was worried you might not want me,â I said, hating myself for lying.
He laughed. âAre you kidding me? I couldnât believe it when Eric asked me if I wanted to take you. I was so sure Iâd never get a little brother. I mean, itâs not like Iâm the most popular guy in the house. And I got the coolest pledge out of the whole class.â He gave me a delighted smile, and I couldnât help noticing how much better he looked. His entire face lit up when he smiledâand it was so much better than the perpetual scowl he usually wore.
My disappointment started fading. So what if the big brother Iâd wanted hadnât wanted me? Was it a good idea to pick a big brother I was attracted to in hopes of getting to date him? No, it wasnâtâthat was a stupid reason to pick someone. I remembered what Eric said about the role of a big brother. Roger filled that role far better, and he had been my second choice.
It wasnât like Iâd been pawned off on someone I hadnât picked.
But Iâd been so sure Chad would take me.
You were sure, the voice mocked, you were hoping, and convinced yourself Chad would take you. Why would he?
I shook my head.
âIâm hardly the coolest pledge,â I said, watching as Roger pulled a box out from under his bed and expertly started rolling a joint.
âYeah, you are.â Roger licked it to seal it before lighting it. âYouâre not like the othersâyouâre not like the rest of the brothers here, either. Youâre different.â
âI donât want to be different,â I said, watching as he inhaled. âI want to be like everyone else.â
He laughed. âI meant different in a good way. Jeez, Jordy.â He took another hit. âYou donât want to be a lemming, do you? Different is good, man, really good. It makes you stand out, makes you get noticed. People who are like everyone else never get anywhere in the world, they just blend in. Who wants to blend in? I sure donât.â He shrugged. âDo you know what usually passes for intelligent conversation around here? âDude, I fucked the Delta Zeta with the huge tits.ââ He shook his head and took another hit. âYou, on the other hand, have a brain. You think.â He held out the joint to me.
I looked at it dubiously. âI donât know if I should. Marijuana affects your memory and kills brain cells.â
Roger grinned. âYou see what I mean? No one else around here would even think twice about smoking a joint.â He winked at me. âJust this once. For me, okay? To celebrate? Come on, Jordy, live a little. Just this one time wonât hurt you.â
Never give in to peer pressure, I heard my father say. Never, ever do something to fit in. Youâre your own person, and you know the difference between right and wrong. And anyone who tries to get you to do something you donât want to do isnât your friend in the first place.
On the other hand, it was just this once. Roger was rightâgetting stoned once was hardly going to kill me.
I reached over and took the joint from Roger. I looked at the thin line of white smoke curling up from the red ember. âSo, what do I do?â I asked.
âWell, you suck on the end, and then hold the smoke in until you canât
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