Heartstones by Kate Glanville

will be nineteen, they are still only twenty-two. I must go to England with Mother, Aunt Margaret has agreed to let us live with her. They still have rationing in England and I’m sure everywhere will be bomb sites, and Aunt Margaret is a snob and Elizabeth is even worse – she has always treated me like the poor relation, goodness knows what she’ll be like now that I really am.
    I looked on a map to find where Cheltenham is and it couldn’t be further from the sea. What will I do without the waves and rocks and sand, what will I do without the Castle?
    I was walking Razzle on the beach when I saw that man again. He saw me looking at him and stared back at me. We leave in three days; I will never see him again.

    September 23rd, 1948

    Everyone in the village knows we have no money now. The postman told Mrs Reilly that he doubted she’d be seeing any more wages from us, and she put on her coat and left before she’d finished cooking dinner, the new Spong mincer in her bag, in lieu of outstanding debts she said. I tried to finish cooking the meal myself but I let the gammon pot boil dry and burned the meat. Mother pushed her plate away and it fell onto the floor. When I went to clear it up she told me to leave it for the bailiffs to clean.
    Dr Brennan has visited Mother every day since Father died; he stopped me in the hall and told me her nerves are very bad. He’s a kind man as I’m sure he knows he’ll never get his bills paid.

    September 24th, 1948

    We leave tomorrow; Mr Flannigan will take us in his cart to the station at dawn. I packed what clothes I could into my old school trunk and I have spent the day wandering around the house, touching the walls, trying to take pictures with my mind so that I will never forget. I loved Father very much but I will never forgive him for what he has done to us.
    I don’t think Mother will ever recover, sometimes I think she is going to go quite mad. She made George build a big bonfire and she threw on all the family portraits, she said she wasn’t going to let the bailiff’s men get their hands on our ancestors. Then she threw in all Father’s books and his rare map collection and boxes and boxes of letters. I took Razzle for one last walk along the cliffs and you could see the tower of smoke for miles.
    After dinner I heard gunshots; George and Richard were shooting Father’s dogs so that they will not starve when we’ve gone. I have Razzle with me here in my room; he’ll come with me no matter what.
    When we get to Holyhead we have to say goodbye to George and Richard. They go to Liverpool to board a ship for Canada while we make our way down to Cheltenham. I don’t know what I’ll do without them. It all just feels too awful.
    Richard says if Father hadn’t killed himself he would have gone to prison. Despite everything he did I miss him terribly.

    September 25th, 1948

    I cannot quite take in what’s happened. I am sitting in a spare bedroom in Dr Brennan’s house; I feel like I’ve been here for years but I know it is only just past one o’clock. An hour ago the housekeeper, Mrs Smythe, brought me up a bowl of soup but I could not eat it. She kept telling me that I should be grateful that the doctor wants me after everything that’s happened. I started to cry and she left me alone again. At least I still have Razzle, he is curled up in the corner on my coat but everyone else is gone.
    Mr Flannigan came before dawn as planned. He was loading up the cart with our luggage when Dr Brennan arrived in his car, I thought he’d come to give Mother more pills but then I heard Mother tell Mr Flannigan to put my trunk in the back of Dr Brennan’s car, and when I asked her why she told me Dr Brennan had offered to look after me, and that it would all be for the best. Dr Brennan kept telling me to calm myself, and opened the passenger door, and he and Mother had me inside the car before I could comprehend what was happening.
    I can’t remember what I said but I