furious. He threatened to ruin my father if I went ahead with the divorce.“
„How the hell did he manage a threat like that?“
„Jack had become very powerful at Middlebrook. On the pretext of taking a load off Dad’s shoulders, he had assumed a great deal of control. I knew him well enough by then to believe he might actually be able to hurt the firm. I felt trapped.“
„Did you talk to your father? Tell him what was going on?“
„I was afraid Dad wouldn’t believe me. He and everyone else were really mesmerized by Jack. They trusted him completely. Everyone did. I had to agree to stay in the marriage until I could figure a way out. I could not bring myself to share a bedroom with him, but that was just fine with Jack. He had made it clear he was bored with me in bed, anyway. I nearly went crazy trying to find a way out of that terrible situation.
I felt absolutely desperate. Talk about stress. I nearly collapsed from it. I had finally decided I had to talk to Dad when I got the news that Jack had died in a car accident. I know it’s an awful thing to say, but frankly, I have never been so relieved in my life as I was the night the hospital emergency room phoned to tell me Jack had been brought in DOA. I was suddenly free.“
„You did a two-year sentence in hell, and you’ve decided never to risk the trap of marriage again.“
Virginia took a deep breath. Ryerson was the first person who had ever really understood what it had been like. „The irony of the whole thing was that when it was all over, my father confided that he’d begun to have serious doubts about Jack, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything to me.“
„Ah, my poor Ginny. No wonder you’ve never been tempted to remarry. You got nothing out of that relationship except the feeling you were a failure as a woman.“
„I guess that sums it up. A real disaster.“
Ryerson came to a halt and turned to take her face between his large hands. His eyes burned into hers.
„Virginia Elizabeth, how could you ever have doubted yourself that way?“
She clung to his wrists. „I made up my mind after Jack died that I would never marry. Marriage holds nothing for me. For me it will always symbolize being trapped. But there were times when I longed for a companion and a friend.“
„Never a lover?“
„Iwas afraid to want a lover,“ she said honestly. „Iwas convinced I could never really satisfy a man.
When you showed up on my doorstep I knew you could be my friend and companion, but I didn’t know what I would do when you tried to become my lover. I also knew that sooner or later that bridge would have to be crossed.“
„But you kept trying to postpone sex?“
„I knew I couldn’t keep postponing it indefinitely. You were very tolerant but I knew you were getting restless. When you bought those tickets, I understood what you were asking, and I knew I had to face the inevitable. I tried to tell myself that if I worked very hard at it and if your expectations weren’t too terribly high, I just might be able to get through it without turning you off completely.“
Ryerson shook his head in exasperation. „With an attitude like that, it was no wonder you felt obliged to down a few margaritas, half a bottle of wine and a glass of brandy before you did your duty. What a little idiot you were,“ he added fondly. „The idea is to enjoy yourself, not twist yourself into a nervous wreck.“
„Enjoying myself was the last thing I was worried about,“ Virginia admitted. „I wasn’t even thinking about that end of things. But I was petrified that you would find me less than satisfactory. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with that. I told myself that you were a lot like me, that you were my friend, that you wouldn’t expect fireworks. But I was so scared I wouldn’t even be able to create a small blaze.“
Ryerson grinned slowly. „You’re wrong. I did expect fireworks. Every time I kissed you, I could feel the fuse being
„How the hell did he manage a threat like that?“
„Jack had become very powerful at Middlebrook. On the pretext of taking a load off Dad’s shoulders, he had assumed a great deal of control. I knew him well enough by then to believe he might actually be able to hurt the firm. I felt trapped.“
„Did you talk to your father? Tell him what was going on?“
„I was afraid Dad wouldn’t believe me. He and everyone else were really mesmerized by Jack. They trusted him completely. Everyone did. I had to agree to stay in the marriage until I could figure a way out. I could not bring myself to share a bedroom with him, but that was just fine with Jack. He had made it clear he was bored with me in bed, anyway. I nearly went crazy trying to find a way out of that terrible situation.
I felt absolutely desperate. Talk about stress. I nearly collapsed from it. I had finally decided I had to talk to Dad when I got the news that Jack had died in a car accident. I know it’s an awful thing to say, but frankly, I have never been so relieved in my life as I was the night the hospital emergency room phoned to tell me Jack had been brought in DOA. I was suddenly free.“
„You did a two-year sentence in hell, and you’ve decided never to risk the trap of marriage again.“
Virginia took a deep breath. Ryerson was the first person who had ever really understood what it had been like. „The irony of the whole thing was that when it was all over, my father confided that he’d begun to have serious doubts about Jack, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything to me.“
„Ah, my poor Ginny. No wonder you’ve never been tempted to remarry. You got nothing out of that relationship except the feeling you were a failure as a woman.“
„I guess that sums it up. A real disaster.“
Ryerson came to a halt and turned to take her face between his large hands. His eyes burned into hers.
„Virginia Elizabeth, how could you ever have doubted yourself that way?“
She clung to his wrists. „I made up my mind after Jack died that I would never marry. Marriage holds nothing for me. For me it will always symbolize being trapped. But there were times when I longed for a companion and a friend.“
„Never a lover?“
„Iwas afraid to want a lover,“ she said honestly. „Iwas convinced I could never really satisfy a man.
When you showed up on my doorstep I knew you could be my friend and companion, but I didn’t know what I would do when you tried to become my lover. I also knew that sooner or later that bridge would have to be crossed.“
„But you kept trying to postpone sex?“
„I knew I couldn’t keep postponing it indefinitely. You were very tolerant but I knew you were getting restless. When you bought those tickets, I understood what you were asking, and I knew I had to face the inevitable. I tried to tell myself that if I worked very hard at it and if your expectations weren’t too terribly high, I just might be able to get through it without turning you off completely.“
Ryerson shook his head in exasperation. „With an attitude like that, it was no wonder you felt obliged to down a few margaritas, half a bottle of wine and a glass of brandy before you did your duty. What a little idiot you were,“ he added fondly. „The idea is to enjoy yourself, not twist yourself into a nervous wreck.“
„Enjoying myself was the last thing I was worried about,“ Virginia admitted. „I wasn’t even thinking about that end of things. But I was petrified that you would find me less than satisfactory. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with that. I told myself that you were a lot like me, that you were my friend, that you wouldn’t expect fireworks. But I was so scared I wouldn’t even be able to create a small blaze.“
Ryerson grinned slowly. „You’re wrong. I did expect fireworks. Every time I kissed you, I could feel the fuse being
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