kidding!”
Another confused customer banged at the door. Fen winced.
“Don’t you think you should, umm… let him in?”
She sighed. “I suppose so. But I’m going to get burnt. I didn’t finish all of it. It’s not all done.”
“Maybe you could offer him some kind of discount?”
She brightened. “A delay discount! I never thought of that! I love discounts!”
I hoped Tina returned soon, before Fen gave the shop away.
I skidded home and into the garage in record time, thanks to Straight No Chaser’s, “Christmas Medley.” I grabbed the dry cleaning bag with my vest, then thought better of it. It would be safer to don my gay apparel at the mall - far, far away from Vinnie. Hopefully, that would be in the very near future, after the juice was back on.
As I entered, the smoke alarm blared. Vito and Miriam’s voices bellowed over the din.
“You never listen!”
“I know what I’m doing!”
“So does the fire department!”
Vito shouted a Polish retort and raced into the front hallway, waving one of my chip baskets and a dish towel at the screaming smoke alarm.
“ Hiya, Mina! ”
“ Hey, Vito. ” I squeezed past him into the kitchen, turned on the exhaust fan and opened the back door. There on the stove top, I saw what remained of my very best cast iron skillet and the remnants of some mummified sausages.
“He has good intentions, you know?” Miriam waved her hands at the smoke.
I nodded resignedly, remembering something about the path to Hell being paved with them, and reached for a silicon oven mitt. I grabbed the handle of the blistering pan and set it outside on the deck. It sizzled and tattooed a circular burn mark. I swore silently and tossed the pan out into a snow bank. It cracked in half. I swore not-so-silently and returned inside.
The smoke alarm stopped.
“So?” I looked squarely at Vito and Miriam.
Vito threw the dish towel over his shoulder. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, Toots.”
“He was just trying to make you some brunch. On account of new car shopping, and all,” Miriam chirped from behind.
“New car shopping?”
Vito shrugged. “I need new wheels. They totaled the Towncar.”
“He thought we could have a nice brunch together, before we all head out.”
“We?”
“Well, sure. I mean, if you don’t mind?” Vito blushed.
“Of course she doesn’t mind! Everyone likes to go car shopping! Besides, we need to borrow Mina’s van, anyway. We got a grill to pick up.”
“Grill?”
Vito blushed some more. “Miriam got me a Christmas present.”
“A four burner grill! With extra side burners! They put it together free! With a fancy cover!”
The phone rang , it was K. “I’m bored.”
“Trade you.”
“What now?”
“It looks like I’m going car shopping. Then I pick up a grill.”
“Car shopping! What fun! Can I come?”
Miriam piped up from behind. “See? Everyone likes to car shop!”
I sighed. “Sure.”
“When are you leaving?”
I turned to Miriam, our newly appointed Director of Activities.
“How’s about now? We can grab a bite out! My treat!”
Vito shrugged. K. agreed and we hung up.
Once K. arrived, w e all squeezed into my van. I turned on the radio but my usual hymn factory was on a news break. I turned they key. The ignition coughed and I pumped my fist against the dashboard a few hundred times.
K. grimaced. “Great, at this rate we won’t get anywhere until the Spring thaw!”
“Why?” Miriam asked.
Vito explained.
Miriam perked up immediately. “This is a synch! Vito, you and K. start singing ‘Deck the Halls’ and Mina and me will jump in later – like a circle!”
I think she meant a round, but who was I to quibble with a dysfunctional ignition? While it was a circuitous route to starting up the van, it beat the heck out of waiting until news got past the top of the hour.
After some group embarrassment, our ride complied and off we went, toward Manheim Pike and Lancaster’s car dealership mainline. Soon,
Another confused customer banged at the door. Fen winced.
“Don’t you think you should, umm… let him in?”
She sighed. “I suppose so. But I’m going to get burnt. I didn’t finish all of it. It’s not all done.”
“Maybe you could offer him some kind of discount?”
She brightened. “A delay discount! I never thought of that! I love discounts!”
I hoped Tina returned soon, before Fen gave the shop away.
I skidded home and into the garage in record time, thanks to Straight No Chaser’s, “Christmas Medley.” I grabbed the dry cleaning bag with my vest, then thought better of it. It would be safer to don my gay apparel at the mall - far, far away from Vinnie. Hopefully, that would be in the very near future, after the juice was back on.
As I entered, the smoke alarm blared. Vito and Miriam’s voices bellowed over the din.
“You never listen!”
“I know what I’m doing!”
“So does the fire department!”
Vito shouted a Polish retort and raced into the front hallway, waving one of my chip baskets and a dish towel at the screaming smoke alarm.
“ Hiya, Mina! ”
“ Hey, Vito. ” I squeezed past him into the kitchen, turned on the exhaust fan and opened the back door. There on the stove top, I saw what remained of my very best cast iron skillet and the remnants of some mummified sausages.
“He has good intentions, you know?” Miriam waved her hands at the smoke.
I nodded resignedly, remembering something about the path to Hell being paved with them, and reached for a silicon oven mitt. I grabbed the handle of the blistering pan and set it outside on the deck. It sizzled and tattooed a circular burn mark. I swore silently and tossed the pan out into a snow bank. It cracked in half. I swore not-so-silently and returned inside.
The smoke alarm stopped.
“So?” I looked squarely at Vito and Miriam.
Vito threw the dish towel over his shoulder. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, Toots.”
“He was just trying to make you some brunch. On account of new car shopping, and all,” Miriam chirped from behind.
“New car shopping?”
Vito shrugged. “I need new wheels. They totaled the Towncar.”
“He thought we could have a nice brunch together, before we all head out.”
“We?”
“Well, sure. I mean, if you don’t mind?” Vito blushed.
“Of course she doesn’t mind! Everyone likes to go car shopping! Besides, we need to borrow Mina’s van, anyway. We got a grill to pick up.”
“Grill?”
Vito blushed some more. “Miriam got me a Christmas present.”
“A four burner grill! With extra side burners! They put it together free! With a fancy cover!”
The phone rang , it was K. “I’m bored.”
“Trade you.”
“What now?”
“It looks like I’m going car shopping. Then I pick up a grill.”
“Car shopping! What fun! Can I come?”
Miriam piped up from behind. “See? Everyone likes to car shop!”
I sighed. “Sure.”
“When are you leaving?”
I turned to Miriam, our newly appointed Director of Activities.
“How’s about now? We can grab a bite out! My treat!”
Vito shrugged. K. agreed and we hung up.
Once K. arrived, w e all squeezed into my van. I turned on the radio but my usual hymn factory was on a news break. I turned they key. The ignition coughed and I pumped my fist against the dashboard a few hundred times.
K. grimaced. “Great, at this rate we won’t get anywhere until the Spring thaw!”
“Why?” Miriam asked.
Vito explained.
Miriam perked up immediately. “This is a synch! Vito, you and K. start singing ‘Deck the Halls’ and Mina and me will jump in later – like a circle!”
I think she meant a round, but who was I to quibble with a dysfunctional ignition? While it was a circuitous route to starting up the van, it beat the heck out of waiting until news got past the top of the hour.
After some group embarrassment, our ride complied and off we went, toward Manheim Pike and Lancaster’s car dealership mainline. Soon,
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