Loving an Ugly Beast by Danielle Monsch Page B

man she had ever known. He loved the old Nissa and told her she was perfect.
    A man like that, wouldn’t he be upset if he thought he was betraying those words? And if he found this new body prettier than the old one, that’s how he would feel, wouldn’t it? Like he was betraying her.
    Betraying her with her.
    It wasn’t that Benton didn’t like the way she looked. Benton liked the way she looked now too much. Benton was turned on by her, and he felt guilty.
    Only Benton could inspire her to fall deeper in love with him while simultaneously inspiring in her the desire to choke him. That was for later. Right now, she needed to get him past this. They had a life to start together, and she was tired of putting it off.
    She took a step forward, close enough that she could run her finger down the length of his spine. “Did I ever tell you the first thing that attracted me was your body? I love big men. I love muscles, and I love standing next to a man who makes me feel delicate and fragile.” Her mouth slid over his warm skin and she took in the sharp inhale of his breath at her touch. She breathed in his unique smell. “I won’t lie. Your face took some getting used to. First it was a little scary, then as we spent time together I didn’t mind it, but I didn’t dream about it either. But this body… from the first moment I saw you this body made my mouth water. I didn’t want to do anything with it – that urge took a while to form – but by the heavens I have always loved looking at your body.”
    “Nissa.” He started to turn but with steady hands she held him still.
    “When I started feeling affection for Byron, I felt a little guilty. I liked him very much. I never loved him, but he was becoming an important person to me, one I wanted to be with. But when I looked at him, I always had this stab of disappointment that he was so slight and slender. He had a nice face, but his body never sent shivers through me, or made me wet at the thought of the opportunity to run my tongue over him.”
    Benton swallowed hard, his head turning to look at her over his shoulder. “What are you saying?”
    “I’m saying I would have eventually come to love Byron. Not in the way I loved you, but I would have fallen in love with him. I would have been happy with him, and trusted him with my body, and been grateful he came into my life. But no matter how much I loved him, he would never be able to fully turn me on. He didn’t fit my ideal.”
    He shook his head, his voice stubborn as he said, “Love should be more important. If it isn’t, it can’t be true.”
    Her voice was exasperated. “Of course love is more important. Did you hear me say I wouldn’t have been with Byron because he wasn’t my ideal? No, not once. But just because you love someone heart and soul doesn’t mean there aren’t things you wish you could change about them.”
    His head tilted slightly, his eyebrows drawn as he considered her words. She turned him so they were facing each other and he didn’t fight her. “Answer me honest, Benton. You loved the other Nissa, didn’t you? You were going to marry her and have a family with her and love and protect her for your entire life.”
    “It’s all I ever wanted, to be her husband.”
    Nissa almost melted at those words, but she pressed on. “And now? I’m Nissa. Only the shell has changed.”
    He shook his head, shame casting itself over his features. “It’s not right.”
    “It’s not right if the outside takes precedence over the inside. But that’s not what you feel.” She brought his hand down to her stomach. “In time, when you put your children here—” and his eyes burned at the mention of children, his fingers squeezing the flat plane of your stomach, “-you know this is going to grow and stretch, don’t you? And while it will shrink down after every birth, with each child it will get a little flabbier and it will never be this flat again. Does this mean you don’t want me to