very pleased had they found one of their local bars in Galway being raided by a bunch of
strangers.
'Banish Misfortune' is a very lucky jig. Generations of Celts have played it with optimism, which has given it a magical power to make things go well. Since ending up in New York, Padraig had found himself playing it more
and more.
The barman in Harlem noticed how empty the whisky bottles had become.
'We sure sold a lot of Scotch this week,' he told the construction workers. 'Maybe trade's on the increase after all.'
This seemed like heartening news and the workers were cheered. In the pleasant afterglow of the fairies' presence, they felt that better times were bound to come soon.
THIRTEEN
Dinnie, I have been reading the magazines that were lying in the gutter outside.'
'So?'
'Focus your mind carefully on our bargain.'
'Why?'
'Because it's time for you to lose weight.'
Dinnie gave a yelp. The last thing Dinnie wanted to do was lose weight. Heather knew that this was going to be an awkward beginning to her plan to transform Dinnie, but she was insistent.
'A recent survey in Cosmopolitan gave excess weight as the number one turn-off for American women. Kerry is an American woman. It therefore follows that to win her heart you have to lose weight. To put it another way, she is not going to fall for a fat lump like you. So you're going on a diet.'
Dinnie spluttered.
'You said you'd make her fall in love with me. You never said anything about making me suffer.'
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'I said if you did exactly as I said I'd make her fall for you. And I say you have to lose weight.'
Dinnie immediately refused, but Heather countered by informing him that this would be breaking their bargain and she would now shrink the fiddle to fairy size and remove it.
Dinnie was cornered. He clutched his packet of cookies, panic stricken. He could feel himself going faint as the awful prospect of dieting loomed in front of him.
Heather, not averse to putting one over on Dinnie, smirked maliciously.
'But do not despair, my fat friend. The magazine promised that it is easy to fill yourself up with nourishing and appetising meals and still lose weight. I have memorised the recipes and you are starting today.'
Wails of passion from a rehearsal came up through the floorboards, as Lysander, Demetrius, Hermia and Helena
struggled there way through their difficult romance. Dinnie screamed abuse at the performers.
'Now, now,' Heather chided him. 'Remember that you are also becoming a pleasant and civilised human being.
Pleasant and civilised human beings do not scream out to strangers that they are guilty of having sex with their mothers.
'Today's recipe will be nuts and tomatoes. Also Chinese cabbage leaves, because you need green vegetables. You take a walk to the health food shop on First Avenue for the nuts and buy some tomatoes from the corner shop.
Tomatoes are these round red things. I will find the Chinese cabbage leaves because I could do with a little fresh air. While you are at it, keep a look out for a triple-bloomed Welsh poppy. I have learned that it is most important to Kerry.'
Heather hopped on to the window-sill.
'If you get back before me, practise the new jig I showed you, "The Atholl Highlanders". It is an extremely fine jig and it is in your book if you can't remember it. Take care not to confuse it with "The Atholl Volunteers", "The Atholl Volunteers' March", "Atholl Brose" or "The Braes of Atholl". A popular place for songs, Atholl. Cheerio.'
The ransom note from the Chinese fairies was a terrible blow to Kerry and Morag.
'GIVE US BACK THE MIRROR OR YOU'LL NEVER SEE YOUR WELSH POPPY AGAIN.'
Kerry gazed at it. It seemed to imply magic forces beyond belief.
'How did they get hold of my Welsh poppy? How did they know where it was? How did they know it
strangers.
'Banish Misfortune' is a very lucky jig. Generations of Celts have played it with optimism, which has given it a magical power to make things go well. Since ending up in New York, Padraig had found himself playing it more
and more.
The barman in Harlem noticed how empty the whisky bottles had become.
'We sure sold a lot of Scotch this week,' he told the construction workers. 'Maybe trade's on the increase after all.'
This seemed like heartening news and the workers were cheered. In the pleasant afterglow of the fairies' presence, they felt that better times were bound to come soon.
THIRTEEN
Dinnie, I have been reading the magazines that were lying in the gutter outside.'
'So?'
'Focus your mind carefully on our bargain.'
'Why?'
'Because it's time for you to lose weight.'
Dinnie gave a yelp. The last thing Dinnie wanted to do was lose weight. Heather knew that this was going to be an awkward beginning to her plan to transform Dinnie, but she was insistent.
'A recent survey in Cosmopolitan gave excess weight as the number one turn-off for American women. Kerry is an American woman. It therefore follows that to win her heart you have to lose weight. To put it another way, she is not going to fall for a fat lump like you. So you're going on a diet.'
Dinnie spluttered.
'You said you'd make her fall in love with me. You never said anything about making me suffer.'
file:///Users/lisa/Downloads/Martin%20Millar%20-%20The%20Good%20Fairies%20of%20New%20York.html
Page 37 of 99
Martin Millar - The Good Fairies of New York.html
6/5/11 2:11 PM
'I said if you did exactly as I said I'd make her fall for you. And I say you have to lose weight.'
Dinnie immediately refused, but Heather countered by informing him that this would be breaking their bargain and she would now shrink the fiddle to fairy size and remove it.
Dinnie was cornered. He clutched his packet of cookies, panic stricken. He could feel himself going faint as the awful prospect of dieting loomed in front of him.
Heather, not averse to putting one over on Dinnie, smirked maliciously.
'But do not despair, my fat friend. The magazine promised that it is easy to fill yourself up with nourishing and appetising meals and still lose weight. I have memorised the recipes and you are starting today.'
Wails of passion from a rehearsal came up through the floorboards, as Lysander, Demetrius, Hermia and Helena
struggled there way through their difficult romance. Dinnie screamed abuse at the performers.
'Now, now,' Heather chided him. 'Remember that you are also becoming a pleasant and civilised human being.
Pleasant and civilised human beings do not scream out to strangers that they are guilty of having sex with their mothers.
'Today's recipe will be nuts and tomatoes. Also Chinese cabbage leaves, because you need green vegetables. You take a walk to the health food shop on First Avenue for the nuts and buy some tomatoes from the corner shop.
Tomatoes are these round red things. I will find the Chinese cabbage leaves because I could do with a little fresh air. While you are at it, keep a look out for a triple-bloomed Welsh poppy. I have learned that it is most important to Kerry.'
Heather hopped on to the window-sill.
'If you get back before me, practise the new jig I showed you, "The Atholl Highlanders". It is an extremely fine jig and it is in your book if you can't remember it. Take care not to confuse it with "The Atholl Volunteers", "The Atholl Volunteers' March", "Atholl Brose" or "The Braes of Atholl". A popular place for songs, Atholl. Cheerio.'
The ransom note from the Chinese fairies was a terrible blow to Kerry and Morag.
'GIVE US BACK THE MIRROR OR YOU'LL NEVER SEE YOUR WELSH POPPY AGAIN.'
Kerry gazed at it. It seemed to imply magic forces beyond belief.
'How did they get hold of my Welsh poppy? How did they know where it was? How did they know it
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