Mission: Earth "Villainy Victorious" by Ron L. Hubbard Page B
Authors: Ron L. Hubbard
Tags: sf_humor
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noted some unwanted bug. The staff looked toward him as well and glared: evidently his crime of provoking their darling Queen Teenie had circulated through the whole, vast palace.
The guard captain and Teenie engaged in a whispered conversation. Then, with two guards flanking her, she followed the captain over to where Madison sat.
"They reminded me," said Teenie, in English, "that I have several dress fittings in the morning and gardening in the afternoon. They couldn't find time to fit in a trial, so we'll have it now. Guilty or not guilty?"
"Of what?" wailed Madison.
"In the confines of a palace, unless he is dealing with a person of higher rank," said Teenie, "the nobleman has the power of life and death over offenders to his property or person."
"I didn't offend you!" cried Madison in English. "I was just trying to get your help! You NEED me!"
She turned to the guard captain and, in Voltarian, she said, "He pleads guilty as charged. Enter it in the palace records."
"TEENIE!" cried Madison, "You MUST listen...."
"I don't have to listen to you," she said in English.
"You're guilty as hell and you know it. You never even lifted a finger to stop that (bleep) Gris. You got yourself into this mess because you didn't play ball with me." She shifted to Voltarian, "I therefore pronounce the prisoner guilty and the sentence is to be carried out without fail."
The guard captain nodded.
Madison said, "You haven't said what the sentence is!"
She was speaking in English again. "Well, Maddie, I get all heated up conducting these classes; they sometimes bring me to the brink of (bleep) and I ache. I've always wanted to break that fixation you have on your mother. So you're sentenced to coming up to my bedroom and (bleeping) me until I'm all limp and satisfied."
"OH, NO!" screamed Madison, and cringed back so hard his chains rattled. Then he thought in quick streaks of blue light and inspiration hit him. "Look," he said, "right down under that floor there are 250 boys! I can still hear the music pound! Any one of them would– – "
"Maddie," she said sharply in English, "you got your wires crossed. The moment I start (bleeping) one of those pages, the rest would be so jealous of him they'd slaughter him! Besides, I'm making them into perfectly good catamites and it would ruin them."
"You've got men on this staff!" cried Maddie in English.
"They're commoners and they'd be executed if they were found in bed with royalty," said Teenie, continuing in English. "I'm too fond of them to put them at risk. Queen Hora used to use noble guard officers: she had a whole regiment of them. But they are not here. So can the chatter, Maddie. You're for it, me bucko boy."
Madison was shuddering to the depths of his soul. "No," he pleaded. "The answer is no!"
Teenie smiled and it made him flinch. He knew this wasn't all of it.
"All right," she said, glancing at her Mickey Mouse watch, "just sit there and think it over. This guard captain has orders that if you don't come up to my room tonight, then, straight up sharp at 6:00 A. M. you are to be taken to the dungeons and executed with an electric axe. So if you change your mind, your guard here will have orders to bring you up to my room, no matter the hour."
She gave him a little mocking wave and turned away.
The staff insisted that she sit on a little silver seat with handles as she might be too tired after her long evening to walk up the stairs, and they bore her off, up the golden steps and out of sight.
Chapter 11
For a very long time Madison sat, and he sat in the deepest gloom. The metal chair was cold, the chains were colder and the guard's electric axe, with its racing sparks, chilled him even more.
It was dark now in the hall. The rock music from below was only the faintest thumping, more like the mutter of some hungry beast than music.
Half-seen in the dimness, the painted angels on the walls seemed to look at him. He had little doubt that he would be joining the real
The guard captain and Teenie engaged in a whispered conversation. Then, with two guards flanking her, she followed the captain over to where Madison sat.
"They reminded me," said Teenie, in English, "that I have several dress fittings in the morning and gardening in the afternoon. They couldn't find time to fit in a trial, so we'll have it now. Guilty or not guilty?"
"Of what?" wailed Madison.
"In the confines of a palace, unless he is dealing with a person of higher rank," said Teenie, "the nobleman has the power of life and death over offenders to his property or person."
"I didn't offend you!" cried Madison in English. "I was just trying to get your help! You NEED me!"
She turned to the guard captain and, in Voltarian, she said, "He pleads guilty as charged. Enter it in the palace records."
"TEENIE!" cried Madison, "You MUST listen...."
"I don't have to listen to you," she said in English.
"You're guilty as hell and you know it. You never even lifted a finger to stop that (bleep) Gris. You got yourself into this mess because you didn't play ball with me." She shifted to Voltarian, "I therefore pronounce the prisoner guilty and the sentence is to be carried out without fail."
The guard captain nodded.
Madison said, "You haven't said what the sentence is!"
She was speaking in English again. "Well, Maddie, I get all heated up conducting these classes; they sometimes bring me to the brink of (bleep) and I ache. I've always wanted to break that fixation you have on your mother. So you're sentenced to coming up to my bedroom and (bleeping) me until I'm all limp and satisfied."
"OH, NO!" screamed Madison, and cringed back so hard his chains rattled. Then he thought in quick streaks of blue light and inspiration hit him. "Look," he said, "right down under that floor there are 250 boys! I can still hear the music pound! Any one of them would– – "
"Maddie," she said sharply in English, "you got your wires crossed. The moment I start (bleeping) one of those pages, the rest would be so jealous of him they'd slaughter him! Besides, I'm making them into perfectly good catamites and it would ruin them."
"You've got men on this staff!" cried Maddie in English.
"They're commoners and they'd be executed if they were found in bed with royalty," said Teenie, continuing in English. "I'm too fond of them to put them at risk. Queen Hora used to use noble guard officers: she had a whole regiment of them. But they are not here. So can the chatter, Maddie. You're for it, me bucko boy."
Madison was shuddering to the depths of his soul. "No," he pleaded. "The answer is no!"
Teenie smiled and it made him flinch. He knew this wasn't all of it.
"All right," she said, glancing at her Mickey Mouse watch, "just sit there and think it over. This guard captain has orders that if you don't come up to my room tonight, then, straight up sharp at 6:00 A. M. you are to be taken to the dungeons and executed with an electric axe. So if you change your mind, your guard here will have orders to bring you up to my room, no matter the hour."
She gave him a little mocking wave and turned away.
The staff insisted that she sit on a little silver seat with handles as she might be too tired after her long evening to walk up the stairs, and they bore her off, up the golden steps and out of sight.
Chapter 11
For a very long time Madison sat, and he sat in the deepest gloom. The metal chair was cold, the chains were colder and the guard's electric axe, with its racing sparks, chilled him even more.
It was dark now in the hall. The rock music from below was only the faintest thumping, more like the mutter of some hungry beast than music.
Half-seen in the dimness, the painted angels on the walls seemed to look at him. He had little doubt that he would be joining the real
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