throw in my bag. After that I head back over to my dad and almost cringe as he pulls out his hand to shake mine. “Proud of you son. Going to a good college, gonna make something of yourself.” He nods the whole time he says this like he wants to believe it but can ’t. Whatever I don’t have time for this.
“Thanks.” I put my hand in his and pull it right back out. I always see him having sex with Mary Beth on my parent’s bed when I touch him. It literally makes me want to puke. It’s no wonder I waited to have sex, after seeing this ugly old man going at it, it’s enough to make anyone not horny forever.
“You go up there and do us proud boy.” He steps closer to me and I flinch hearing his grunts in my mind. “Don’t be chasing tail, either. You get a degree then you can work on finding a good wife.”
“Yeah dad.” I tell him hop ping from one foot to the other, impatient. I want to get as far away from him as I can.
“Now that Norma is out of the picture, you don’t have anything keeping you back. Proud of you boy. Don’t need a girl like that around anyway. She will only bring you down.” My head whips to look at his face so fast I think I pulled a muscle in my neck.
I clench my fist until my knuckles are white. I unclench trying to release my anger. “Excuse me?” I ask very softly. “Do you have something to say about Norma?”
He looks a little nervous which I admit makes me feel good inside. So he is intimidated by my size? He knows I can take him down. He will find out that I won’t let him talk shit about anyone but me. “I just meant she wasn’t good enough for you. She left you behind didn’t she? You have no idea where she even is. Seems she got it out of her head she was good enough for you.”
I hate to admit that I lost it. It’s not often that I do lose it. All I can say is a red haze takes over my vision and my fists start swinging. I think I got him on his left cheek before Macy’s crying breaks through my haze. I turn towards her and see her hiding her face in Cassie’s chest. I step closer and Cassie takes a step back, a look of pure terror in her face. I can’t even think about that. “It’s okay baby girl.” I soothe. “It was a long time coming, I’m done now. Why don’t you come to me? Hmm?” she peeks up at me with tears shining in her eyes and I hate that she saw that. But I won’t take it back for anything. “As for you dad, keep your mouth shut about Norma. I don’t deserve Norma. She is far above me. Something I won’t ever reach. Unlike you who should have been put down a long time ago.” I huff and stalk towards my mom’s car.
They are all looking at me funny and I have to raise an eyebrow at them. Cassie is the only one who speaks up. “I think that is the most I have heard you say at one time since you were twelve.” She blinks like she doesn’t understand what she just said. I stop to think about it and realize that she is right. After I caught dad, and tormented Norma for a whole year, I didn’t want to speak at all. I think it took me months to even say more than one word answers. I didn’t want to be my dad. Who talks to o much, hurts other people, and cheats on his wife. I wanted to be the total opposite, so that is what I became.
I just nod and place Macy into her car seat and strap her in. “You coming?” I question the women standing around, still looking lost.
My mom snaps out of it first and pushes Cassie towards the car. “Yes let’s get going honey.” She kisses me on my cheek and looks at me like she is seeing me for the first time. I really don’t know what that means. And I honestly don’t understand women.
*****
Sometimes I would dream of Norma. She would be standing there in front of me giving me her all knowing smile. Then she would walk away, her ass swaying as she gets further and further away from me. I would run and run to catch up with her, but I would never get any closer, no matter how fast
“Thanks.” I put my hand in his and pull it right back out. I always see him having sex with Mary Beth on my parent’s bed when I touch him. It literally makes me want to puke. It’s no wonder I waited to have sex, after seeing this ugly old man going at it, it’s enough to make anyone not horny forever.
“You go up there and do us proud boy.” He steps closer to me and I flinch hearing his grunts in my mind. “Don’t be chasing tail, either. You get a degree then you can work on finding a good wife.”
“Yeah dad.” I tell him hop ping from one foot to the other, impatient. I want to get as far away from him as I can.
“Now that Norma is out of the picture, you don’t have anything keeping you back. Proud of you boy. Don’t need a girl like that around anyway. She will only bring you down.” My head whips to look at his face so fast I think I pulled a muscle in my neck.
I clench my fist until my knuckles are white. I unclench trying to release my anger. “Excuse me?” I ask very softly. “Do you have something to say about Norma?”
He looks a little nervous which I admit makes me feel good inside. So he is intimidated by my size? He knows I can take him down. He will find out that I won’t let him talk shit about anyone but me. “I just meant she wasn’t good enough for you. She left you behind didn’t she? You have no idea where she even is. Seems she got it out of her head she was good enough for you.”
I hate to admit that I lost it. It’s not often that I do lose it. All I can say is a red haze takes over my vision and my fists start swinging. I think I got him on his left cheek before Macy’s crying breaks through my haze. I turn towards her and see her hiding her face in Cassie’s chest. I step closer and Cassie takes a step back, a look of pure terror in her face. I can’t even think about that. “It’s okay baby girl.” I soothe. “It was a long time coming, I’m done now. Why don’t you come to me? Hmm?” she peeks up at me with tears shining in her eyes and I hate that she saw that. But I won’t take it back for anything. “As for you dad, keep your mouth shut about Norma. I don’t deserve Norma. She is far above me. Something I won’t ever reach. Unlike you who should have been put down a long time ago.” I huff and stalk towards my mom’s car.
They are all looking at me funny and I have to raise an eyebrow at them. Cassie is the only one who speaks up. “I think that is the most I have heard you say at one time since you were twelve.” She blinks like she doesn’t understand what she just said. I stop to think about it and realize that she is right. After I caught dad, and tormented Norma for a whole year, I didn’t want to speak at all. I think it took me months to even say more than one word answers. I didn’t want to be my dad. Who talks to o much, hurts other people, and cheats on his wife. I wanted to be the total opposite, so that is what I became.
I just nod and place Macy into her car seat and strap her in. “You coming?” I question the women standing around, still looking lost.
My mom snaps out of it first and pushes Cassie towards the car. “Yes let’s get going honey.” She kisses me on my cheek and looks at me like she is seeing me for the first time. I really don’t know what that means. And I honestly don’t understand women.
*****
Sometimes I would dream of Norma. She would be standing there in front of me giving me her all knowing smile. Then she would walk away, her ass swaying as she gets further and further away from me. I would run and run to catch up with her, but I would never get any closer, no matter how fast
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