Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider Page A

she would stop looking at his page five times a day in hopes of getting information about who he was hooking up with and what he was doing. We told her to move on by posting a more glamorous default photo to replace the “funny face” one she had, and to write less about her day-to-day activities so she seemed more exciting and mysterious. Before consulting with us, she thought nothing of writing constant updates about the most mundane details of her day, including “going to yoga” or “snowed in…” or “any good eggnog recipes?” and/or complaining about her last relationship (“I hate men!”) We had her remove all such dreary or negative posts!
    A month later Amy happily e-mailed us to say that her college friend’s older brother Matt had asked to be friends on Facebook. We told her to wait forty-eight hours, rather than her usual five minutes, to accept his request. He sent her a message immediately afterward saying, “You’re really pretty! Thanks for the add. Maybe we can meet for drinks Tuesday night.” We told her to wait four hours and then message him back, “Drinks would be great.” She followed
The Rules
to the letter, ending their first date after one to two hours instead of her usual four or five.
    Matt then messaged Amy the next day, on Saturday afternoon, about going out on a second date on Monday night. We told her not to respond that day or over the weekend, because all communication stops for a
Rules
Girl on the weekends—it’s the dead zone. She waited until Sunday night and politely declined, determined to hold out for Saturday night date. He messaged her ten minutes later, “I’m totallyfree. How is Thursday, Friday or Saturday night?” Following
The Rules
Text-Back Times by Age chart (see page 000), we told her to message him back three hours later: “Saturday night sounds great!”
    By not responding so quickly to his messages, Amy avoided a flurry of interactions that would have made her seem too available and not that special. Instead, she was not an open book on Facebook and disappeared in between dates, which made him more interested and feel like he was dating a really sought-after girl!
    After six consecutive Saturday night dates, Matt asked Amy to be exclusive. She said yes, but she did not change her relationship status or ask him to change his. We told her not to write on his wall or ask about his female friends on Facebook. She agreed, but wondered if she could post a photo of the two of them from an office party as her default photo now that they were exclusive. We told her not to, because it would be sending a possessive message to the world. Even though he initiated the relationship, posting such a public display of their relationship might make him feel smothered. Besides, if they broke up, she would have to take it down, which would be embarrassing and lead to lots of questions, so it was best to wait until he put a photo of them or changed his status to “in a relationship.” Better still, she could even wait to put up a picture from their engagement photo shoot, or do it when she was adding his last name to her maiden name.
    Amy confessed that she was not used to being so passive in a relationship, but agreed that the less aggressive or possessive she acted, the more Matt came after her. She also found that by being less into
the relationship
and by not posting about it, she had more time for her friends, family, career,and hobbies. When their two-year anniversary came up, her longest and best relationship ever, Matt surprised her with a ring.
    Social networking sites are a great way to catch up with friends and stay current, but they can ruin a romantic relationship if used to bare all and make frequent contact with guys, and even with boyfriends. So keep guys wondering what you are up to and with who, where, and when… don’t be an open book on Facebook!

Stay Away from His Facebook Profile
    F ACEBOOK CAN READ like a celebrity blog: who is breaking up with