Our Gang

Our Gang by Philip Roth Page B

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Authors: Philip Roth
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    subvert and corrupt the youth of this country by
    the most insidious means imaginable, with a
    recklessness and a viciousness equalled not even by
    the most hardened drug pushers and the most
    loathsome pornographers.
    No, it was not to the dissolute, unprincipled and
    overindulged on our college campuses that Charles
    Curtis Flood turned with his plan to destroy
    America. Nor was this yet another call to violence
    to the dropout and hippies and flagdefilers of the
    left.
    Who then, you ask, did he seek to corrupt? The
    answer, my fellow Americans, is the Boy Scouts of
    America. Not only did Charles Curtis Flood incite
    them to riot, and tamper with their morals, but
    what is even worse, it was he and he alone who
    drove the Boy Scouts headlong into the tragedy
    that occurred here yesterday in Washington, D.C.
    Surely the great majority of Americans will agree
    that it is a tragedy in every sense of the word when
    the brave fighting men of our Army are called
    upon to risk their lives in the streets of
    Washington, D.C., instead of in a foreign coun try.
    But that is what happened here in the na
    TRICKY ADDRESSES THE NATION 10g
    lion's capital, when, through a long day and a long
    night, our brave soldiers, armed only with loaded
    rifles, fixed bayonets, tear-gas canisters and gas
    masks, faced a mob of Boy Scouts, numbering
    nearly ten thousand.
    I am sure you all know by now the nature of the
    chants and the songs that these ten thousand Boy
    Scouts were singing in the streets of the nation's
    capital. I am sure you are familiar with the kind of
    placards they were waving before the television
    cameras. I do not intend to repeat to you the
    wording of those posters. It should suffice to say
    that they did justice to the language and interests of
    Charles Curtis Flood, whose favorite city, according
    to his own writings, is Copenhagen, Denmark, the
    pornography capital of the world.
    The posters are presently in the hands of the FBI,
    whose laboratories have already begun the
    painstaking job of fingerprinting each and every
    poster, and submitting them to blood tests so as to
    determine the correlation between the obscenity
    printed on an individual poster and the blood type
    of the Boy Scout bearing the poster containing
    those objectionable words. If such correlations can
    be established with a reasonable degree of accuracyand
    we think they can-it will of course be of great
    assistance to our law enforcement agencies. Under
    our program of "preventive detention," we will be
    able to round up
    110 OUR GANG
    those with suspect blood types before sueh
    demonstrations as this even get under way, thus
    preventing them from violating community standards
    of decency, and the ordinary everyday rules of
    courtesy, decorum and good taste that are sacred to
    the great majority of Americans.
    As you all know from the headlines, of the
    approximately ten thousand Boy Scouts who assembled
    here in Washington during the two-day
    uprising to threaten the lives of our brave fighting
    men, it was necessary to kill only three in order to
    maintain law and order. That breaks down to one
    and one-half Scouts dead per diem, while nine
    thousand nine hundred and ninetyeight and a half
    Scouts continued to live full and active lives the first
    day, and nine thousand, nine hundred and ninetyseven
    the second.
    Now I would think that by anyone's standards, a
    mortality rate in a crisis of this kind of .0003 is a
    wonderful tribute to the very great restraint with
    which we were able to confront what could have
    been a terrible' tragedy for our soldiers. Certainly it
    should give solace to all of those who detest
    bloodshed as much as I do, and put the lie once and
    for all to the vicious charge that it was the military
    and not the Scouts who were responsible for the
    violence. On the other hand, I think the fact that we
    did have three Scouts dead by the end of the second
    day is a good indication of the necessary firmness
    with
    TRICKY

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