fuck and walk away from. I need to feel the rush of the machine not my guitar. I need to drink beers at Howie’s or Aloha house and I need to be with my family.”
“Do you hear yourself Noah? You sound like you’re given a choice. Fuck mindless bitches? Really?” I can’t help but pace and try to find words that will make him open his eyes. All I had was anger and confusion.
Now- I can look back, even five minutes after I eventually left his place, I was able to look back and see the error in my actions. I was selfish, greedy and completely in a fight I was too dumb to win. All I had was anger and confusion, I stated that to myself, even in the midst of this argument… I was a fool and he had no problem showing me that.
He stood, stared me down. He no longer looked like the weak and sick depressed guy. No, I was fooled by the effect the addiction had on him. Fooled because no matter how sad, lonely, angry- no matter, he was still Noah. “Yes. Fuck. Mindless. Bitches. Cal. I want it all back. My life will never be the same. I will never forget life with her, but I can remember life before her. It was the happiest time in my life until her. I will never be there again, but I can go back to how it was before her and know it’s as close as I’ll get.”
“Then you don’t stand for anything.” I said.
“What do you stand for?” He asked me, the calm of his voice enough to make my skin crawl. “You think we don’t know Cal? You think we don’t know what really go’s on? We all know you fucked Tay into loving you, to then turn and run like a little bitch the minute it became more. We all know that without the cover of TAT, you are forced to face your existence was always a bore. You could never do what I did, or Shame or Chad. You can’t because you won’t face it like we did. We as TAT were successful because we used the pain, the anger and the good times to push it. We wrote music that made masses cry and caused orgies I’m sure. We did that because we didn’t hide what was doing in our hearts and heads. You pushed us sure, you had the drive of an army and we wouldn’t have been half as big if it wasn’t for you, but you hide behind it Cal.” He came forward to stand before me.
“What do you fucking stand for?” He roared, demanding I answer for my obvious lack of faith.
Well…shit. With no other option than to come back at him like I stand for so much more than I do, I roar back- “Don’t even think of coming at me like I stand for nothing when the bruises from the tracks on your arm are staring me down.”
“What the fuck do you have to say about it bitch?” Noah asks and comes at me like he has the mental function to win this fight.
“More than you care to hear.” I say and look him in the eyes and slowly gaze at the nasty ass bruises on his arms, the same color as the rings under his eyes.
“Cal-” Carrie says but Noah doesn’t stop and steps in front of her abruptly shutting her up.
“Look here Cal, you want to judge me, go for it. I sure as fuck can’t stop you.” He holds his arms out, palm up so the tracks are in plain sight and vivid. He shrugs his shoulders and cocks his head to the side. “I have never pretended to be anything than this. Using or not, I have never been anything but me. So yeah, fuck you, I stand for truth and I stand for consequence and my fucking life is proof of that.”
What do you say? I mean really…what the fuck do you say?
Okay?
Sure thing Boss?
Fuck off Jackass?
None of them would do any good. I knew where his anger stemmed from, knew damn well I was a total piece of shit for letting it all go down this way… but here and now, truth was…I had no fucking right to do it how I did.
Nothing to say.
I turned and left, letting the door close behind me with a hiss before the latching sound all doors make when the goodbye is final.
The End
Song list for Save
“Do you hear yourself Noah? You sound like you’re given a choice. Fuck mindless bitches? Really?” I can’t help but pace and try to find words that will make him open his eyes. All I had was anger and confusion.
Now- I can look back, even five minutes after I eventually left his place, I was able to look back and see the error in my actions. I was selfish, greedy and completely in a fight I was too dumb to win. All I had was anger and confusion, I stated that to myself, even in the midst of this argument… I was a fool and he had no problem showing me that.
He stood, stared me down. He no longer looked like the weak and sick depressed guy. No, I was fooled by the effect the addiction had on him. Fooled because no matter how sad, lonely, angry- no matter, he was still Noah. “Yes. Fuck. Mindless. Bitches. Cal. I want it all back. My life will never be the same. I will never forget life with her, but I can remember life before her. It was the happiest time in my life until her. I will never be there again, but I can go back to how it was before her and know it’s as close as I’ll get.”
“Then you don’t stand for anything.” I said.
“What do you stand for?” He asked me, the calm of his voice enough to make my skin crawl. “You think we don’t know Cal? You think we don’t know what really go’s on? We all know you fucked Tay into loving you, to then turn and run like a little bitch the minute it became more. We all know that without the cover of TAT, you are forced to face your existence was always a bore. You could never do what I did, or Shame or Chad. You can’t because you won’t face it like we did. We as TAT were successful because we used the pain, the anger and the good times to push it. We wrote music that made masses cry and caused orgies I’m sure. We did that because we didn’t hide what was doing in our hearts and heads. You pushed us sure, you had the drive of an army and we wouldn’t have been half as big if it wasn’t for you, but you hide behind it Cal.” He came forward to stand before me.
“What do you fucking stand for?” He roared, demanding I answer for my obvious lack of faith.
Well…shit. With no other option than to come back at him like I stand for so much more than I do, I roar back- “Don’t even think of coming at me like I stand for nothing when the bruises from the tracks on your arm are staring me down.”
“What the fuck do you have to say about it bitch?” Noah asks and comes at me like he has the mental function to win this fight.
“More than you care to hear.” I say and look him in the eyes and slowly gaze at the nasty ass bruises on his arms, the same color as the rings under his eyes.
“Cal-” Carrie says but Noah doesn’t stop and steps in front of her abruptly shutting her up.
“Look here Cal, you want to judge me, go for it. I sure as fuck can’t stop you.” He holds his arms out, palm up so the tracks are in plain sight and vivid. He shrugs his shoulders and cocks his head to the side. “I have never pretended to be anything than this. Using or not, I have never been anything but me. So yeah, fuck you, I stand for truth and I stand for consequence and my fucking life is proof of that.”
What do you say? I mean really…what the fuck do you say?
Okay?
Sure thing Boss?
Fuck off Jackass?
None of them would do any good. I knew where his anger stemmed from, knew damn well I was a total piece of shit for letting it all go down this way… but here and now, truth was…I had no fucking right to do it how I did.
Nothing to say.
I turned and left, letting the door close behind me with a hiss before the latching sound all doors make when the goodbye is final.
The End
Song list for Save
Similar Books
