withdrawal before and this is just the beginning.
“Just want to see where your head is. We don’t have a timeframe here Noah, whatever you need we’ll do.” I say casually and walked to Carrie and kiss the top of her head in hello.
I was not even remotely prepared for what his response would be.
“Might as well tell you.” He spoke calmly and sounded like my sane rational friend Noah. “I’m not coming back.” Everything in me stalled to a deafening halt at those four words.
I look at Carrie and see the straight spine and hard eyes and I know she is supporting him but hates the thought. Everything I swore to support flies out the window at his confession.
“What?” I don’t hide the shock in my voice when I turn to look at him, hoping against hope he is playing some twisted joke.
Noah, dressed in a simple grey t-shirt and basketball shorts, nods his head. “I can’t do it Cal.”
He doesn’t look sorry. He doesn’t look unsure or scared. He looks like Noah, sick as fuck, but Noah. I see in his eyes that he has made this decision sober and with a lot of thought.
And still I don’t accept it.
“Like hell, Noah.” I say, just as calm and just as sincere.
“Look. I can’t stay clean and be in the band Cal. I have to choose and right now, I need to go back to my basics.” Noah is the strongest guy I know. I long for the days of pussy parties and freedom. I miss the Aloha house and the small town super star life we had once. I miss it all and in comparison to the world we live now, I understand completely.
We live in front of cameras- fans. We have no privacy, no intimacy. We show it all to them and we do it because they love us and the music we make, but they don’t know us. I hate how hard this life is.
Kid Rock said it best: “ Looking for the payback, listen for the playback. They say that every man bleeds just like me.”
It is true and the first time I heard that song I wondered why he was bitching. But no, no, not anymore. I look to him and I see his strength and I know he’ll be back to his normal brooding self again, so I concede. “So what are we talking? Months? Years? What?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “Never Cal. I’m opening a shop and living a simple life. I can’t… I can’t be that anymore.”
He sounded the opposite of his words. His words said he was hurting, stressed about it, but he looked like Noah. He was not fucking around. He was done.
“Have you talked to Tayla? What about Heshan Aggression? You can’t just quit Noah. You stand for more than that.” There was no arguing that I was pissed off. I was not letting him throw his life away.
“I stand for more than that?” He asked, staring at me pointedly. Carrie knew exactly what his voice meant, that tone and with it she made her way in the room to stand beside him. Noah wasn’t the type to back down. I knew that but I was mad.
“Yeah. You do. This isn’t just your life Noah. This affects us all, you can’t just bail. We have contracts…” Jesus I was sweating, my pulse rising at the thought.
“What you gonna do Cal? Sue me? Go ahead if it makes it easier, I thought you stood for more than that. I am only surviving now Cal. I am living for me, for Carrie and Noelle…for you guys, but it aint living. Understand that. This isn’t living, it’s surviving Cal and I am surviving until I die. I am not about to spend the rest of my life trying to forget her with a needle in my arm. It didn’t work anyway. I need to, for some resemblance of happiness and the only time I can think of it working, was before I knew Candey True and I was sitting in a shop laying ink to skin.”
“You’ll be swarmed Noah. The minute the world finds out, you’ll never get a moments peace.”
He laughs darkly. “You think I have any peace now? I don’t. I have to do me Cal. Get it or don’t. I need to find mindless bitches I can
“Just want to see where your head is. We don’t have a timeframe here Noah, whatever you need we’ll do.” I say casually and walked to Carrie and kiss the top of her head in hello.
I was not even remotely prepared for what his response would be.
“Might as well tell you.” He spoke calmly and sounded like my sane rational friend Noah. “I’m not coming back.” Everything in me stalled to a deafening halt at those four words.
I look at Carrie and see the straight spine and hard eyes and I know she is supporting him but hates the thought. Everything I swore to support flies out the window at his confession.
“What?” I don’t hide the shock in my voice when I turn to look at him, hoping against hope he is playing some twisted joke.
Noah, dressed in a simple grey t-shirt and basketball shorts, nods his head. “I can’t do it Cal.”
He doesn’t look sorry. He doesn’t look unsure or scared. He looks like Noah, sick as fuck, but Noah. I see in his eyes that he has made this decision sober and with a lot of thought.
And still I don’t accept it.
“Like hell, Noah.” I say, just as calm and just as sincere.
“Look. I can’t stay clean and be in the band Cal. I have to choose and right now, I need to go back to my basics.” Noah is the strongest guy I know. I long for the days of pussy parties and freedom. I miss the Aloha house and the small town super star life we had once. I miss it all and in comparison to the world we live now, I understand completely.
We live in front of cameras- fans. We have no privacy, no intimacy. We show it all to them and we do it because they love us and the music we make, but they don’t know us. I hate how hard this life is.
Kid Rock said it best: “ Looking for the payback, listen for the playback. They say that every man bleeds just like me.”
It is true and the first time I heard that song I wondered why he was bitching. But no, no, not anymore. I look to him and I see his strength and I know he’ll be back to his normal brooding self again, so I concede. “So what are we talking? Months? Years? What?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “Never Cal. I’m opening a shop and living a simple life. I can’t… I can’t be that anymore.”
He sounded the opposite of his words. His words said he was hurting, stressed about it, but he looked like Noah. He was not fucking around. He was done.
“Have you talked to Tayla? What about Heshan Aggression? You can’t just quit Noah. You stand for more than that.” There was no arguing that I was pissed off. I was not letting him throw his life away.
“I stand for more than that?” He asked, staring at me pointedly. Carrie knew exactly what his voice meant, that tone and with it she made her way in the room to stand beside him. Noah wasn’t the type to back down. I knew that but I was mad.
“Yeah. You do. This isn’t just your life Noah. This affects us all, you can’t just bail. We have contracts…” Jesus I was sweating, my pulse rising at the thought.
“What you gonna do Cal? Sue me? Go ahead if it makes it easier, I thought you stood for more than that. I am only surviving now Cal. I am living for me, for Carrie and Noelle…for you guys, but it aint living. Understand that. This isn’t living, it’s surviving Cal and I am surviving until I die. I am not about to spend the rest of my life trying to forget her with a needle in my arm. It didn’t work anyway. I need to, for some resemblance of happiness and the only time I can think of it working, was before I knew Candey True and I was sitting in a shop laying ink to skin.”
“You’ll be swarmed Noah. The minute the world finds out, you’ll never get a moments peace.”
He laughs darkly. “You think I have any peace now? I don’t. I have to do me Cal. Get it or don’t. I need to find mindless bitches I can
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