Saving Ren (Barretti Security Series, Book 3) by Sloane Kennedy Page B

in blood.”
    “Did you make it to the top?” Jagger asked.
    Ren nodded but shame coursed through him and he closed his eyes. No way could he be looking at Jagger when he admitted what he’d done. It didn’t fucking matter that it was a dream. “You and Declan were there. I reached for you but you both fell. You grabbed on to me as you went over but I couldn’t hold you and the edge too so I…”
    “You let us go,” Jagger finished for him.
    “You were both screaming my name as you fell,” Ren whispered. Disgust coursed through him and he tried to pull his arm free of Jagger’s grip.
    “That’s it?” Jagger asked.
    Ren could only manage to nod his head.
    “Look at me,” Jagger said. Ren tried to keep his eyes closed but when Jagger repeated the words they popped open of their own accord.
    “That is fucking horseshit,” Jagger declared.
    “I’m telling you the truth.”
    “I know that,” Jagger said. “The problem I have is that you’re actually even giving it a second thought.”
    “I did some stuff over there,” Ren started to say but Jagger cut him off.
    “What you did was survive. A year, Ren. A whole year in that Godforsaken place. I can count on one hand the number of men I know who could live through what you did.”
    Ren yanked his arm free. “Don’t put me on some God damn pedestal, Jagger. I wished for death…prayed for it.”
    “Yet you’re still here,” Jagger said as he straightened and crossed his arms.
    Fury went through Ren. “Yeah, I’m still here! For what? To hurt the people who love me most? To put them and everyone I come into contact with at risk?”
    “If that’s all you can see then it’ll be like you never got out of that hole,” Jagger said quietly.
    “Maybe it would have been better if I hadn’t,” Ren finally admitted, though the words sounded wrong even as he said them out loud.
    “Tell that to Vin,” Jagger responded. “And not just because it would have cost him a brother, but the woman he loves too.”
    “Mia-” Ren began to say.
    “Would have been in that parking lot that day no matter what. She’s alive because of you. It doesn’t matter why you were there – what matters is you stepped up. So don’t bother feeding me any more bullshit about people being better off if you weren’t around. And if you truly wanted to die you would have done it the moment you got your hands on Vin’s gun. Now either take a fucking swing at me or start heading for the lake because I’m hot as hell and we’re either going to fight or swim. Your choice.”
    Ren couldn’t understand the lightness that suddenly went through him but maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe Jagger was just telling him something he’d been trying to tell himself since the day he opened his eyes and saw his brother leaning over him. He’d been too afraid to hope that day or even in the days that followed but maybe that’s what the feeling inside his chest was. Maybe there was a way to live with the past but not in it. To forgive himself for the things he’d done even if he could never forget them. And if he could do those things it meant he had a future…it meant he could someday go home. The idea was too overwhelming so Ren did the only thing that made sense. He turned and began walking towards the lake.
     
    ***
    Jagger jolted awake and was scrambling out of the bed before the second gunshot shattered the silence. Even as he processed that the sound was coming from a ways off and was likely the result of a rifle, concern filled him and he ran down the short hallway to Ren’s room. When he saw that the door was open, he knew in his gut that Ren wouldn’t be curled up in his corner on the thin sheet that was all that separated his body from the hard floor.
    “Ren!” he called as he turned on the light and scanned the room. The room was indeed empty so he rushed to the kitchen, turning on lights as he went. His only solace was that the front door alarm hadn’t gone off so that meant