See Through Me (Lose My Senses) by Sera Bright

passed, and then the damp bottoms of his jeans and his bare feet appeared in my peripheral vision. He settled down beside me. I attempted to scoot away, but there wasn ’t very much room on top of the rock for me to move. There had been a time when just being near him quieted all the noise in my head, making me feel safe. A little bit normal. Now his presence made all the chaos worse.
    He finally spoke after the silence seemed to stretch on forever. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like an asshole. You didn’t deserve that.”
    I kind of did, though. Reluctant to look at him, I glanced down. His hand was braced on the rock in the space between us. Small stones and pebbles lay scattered around his long fingers. Specks of saffron-yellow paint stained his cuticles, and fine white scars covered his knuckles. The paint was to be expected but those scars were new.
    “You know what the worst part of all of this is?” He flicked one of the pebbles into the water. “I don’t quite know how to act around you…”
    So I wasn ’t the only one. I rubbed my tattooed wrist beneath by my sweatshirt sleeve, and met his eyes. They still held the wariness, but there was an element of sadness in them, too. I pulled my legs up and hugged my knees to my chest. I hated all of this. I hated not having my best friend in my life anymore. And I knew I would hate myself more if I didn’t try to comfort him when he was hurting, even if I was the cause of it.
    “ Couldn’t we just start over?” I asked quietly. “As friends, and forget about what happened last summer?”
    He studied me as if he was calculating my sincerity, and I wondered if he was going to find me wanting after all. The strain on his face dissolved. “Yeah, I think I can do that. Start over?”
    I nodded and rested my chin on my bare knee, stealing another glimpse of him through my lashes. His profile contrasted against the violet horizon. We had to start somewhere, but it was so hard to know where, when everything was a potential minefield.
    “If we’re going to start over as friends, you know what that means, right?” he said, and I turned my head to him. A slight smirk curved his mouth.
    “ What?” I didn’t trust that smirk.
    “ It means we’re going to have to talk to each other. With words. Sometimes even using complete sentences.” He leaned over and lowered his voice. “I’ve heard it’s called having a conversation.”
    I compressed my lips to hide a smile. Jerk. “You’re making that up.”
    “ Maybe.” He knocked his shoulder against mine. “Or maybe I just missed talking to you.”
    I missed talking to him, too.
    In my ear, he whispered, “This is the part where you’re supposed to say something now.”
    I couldn ’t hold back a small laugh. “And what am I supposed to say?”
    “ I don’t know.” The amusement faded from his face and he regarded me with watchful eyes. “What do friends who haven’t seen each other in almost a year talk about?”
    If we were normal, we would talk about what we did for the last year. I chewed on the inside of my lip. And I badly needed to pretend we were normal again. This whole thing was my idea, after all.
    I hesitated for one last moment, and then said, “What was school like?”
    “ It was fine.” He sat up straighter, and picked up a pebble.
    “ Just fine?” It was his dream school.
    The pebble flew from his hands. I followed its path with my eyes as it landed, forming rings in the water until a wave wiped them away.
    “It’s one of the best art schools out there. That’s why I chose it. And I did learn a lot.” He shrugged. “But I felt like I could go to any other decent liberal arts college and learn just as much, maybe more practical stuff, too. I set up my own internship this summer, and I’ve learned more about the business side there than I think I will back in L.A.”
    His mouth twisted bitterly, and he added, “It didn’t help that I almost got kicked out for