Self Confidence Secrets: How To Overcome Anxiety and Low Self Esteem with NLP by Dan Johnston Page B
Authors: Dan Johnston
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you’ve experienced this yourself. Statistically there is usually very little reason to worry, there is only a tiny chance our family member was hurt in the disaster.
So why are we overcome with fear and worry in this kind of situation?
We get so emotional in these circumstances because we lose our sense of certainty. We’d come to grips that someone we love is traveling through or living in another country and we’d considered all the potential dangers and then created certainty in our minds that they’d be ok. When we hear about an accident it throws a wrench into all this. Suddenly the calculations change and we lose our certainty. Usually it is the reassurance of someone we trust, perhaps just saying “everything is going to be ok, I’m sure they are safe”, that helps us regain the certainty.
So what are some ways we’re able to meet our need for certainty on a day to day basis?
Finding Certainty in Uncertain Circumstances
If you were to strand a normal person, with no survival experience or special abilities, on an island you’d be very surprised with the creativity they’d muster to find water, food and shelter.
When we are deprived of a physical need the mind goes to work at 200% to find a solution. What most people don’t know is that the same thing is true for our human needs. When circumstances strip us of the usual ways we meet one of our needs our mind frantically starts working to find new and often creative ways to meet this need.
Once you understand the underlying processes driving what seems to be erratic behaviour, the entire process is actually quite fascinating; even entertaining in its own way
How to feel certainty in the most uncertain of circumstances
Over thousands of years humans have created many methods for creating certainty in the most uncertain of circumstances. There are three categories that these fall into:
Distractions
Details and Mastery
Faith Based
Distractions
Oh how human beings excel at distraction. Is there an impending war? Might your husband be leaving you soon? Are you overweight and risking serious illness. Fear not, just bring on the distractions and everything will be well! What we focus on is what we feel, so if we never focus on what is wrong we don’t have to feel anything negative right? Well, not exactly…
If you’re in a tough situation, and in that moment can’t take positive steps towards changing it, then distraction can provide a much needed temporary mental break. Consistent stress is not healthy and short-term distractions such as a movie, night out or glass of wine can provide much needed relief. Distraction ceases to be healthy and becomes a very negative pattern when we’re able to take action and change our circumstances but instead choose to distract ourselves from the problem(s) at hand. When we do this we are really just delaying the inevitable pain or discomfort. We will still need to overcome the problem, but we’re just making the problem worse by delaying it.
So keep distractions in the back of your mind but remember it is a short term solution to overwhelming stress and should never become a habitual response to problems.
Details and Mastery
Can you think of a time when you’ve seen someone’s home or office and all or certain parts of it were meticulously organized. Their space was kept at a 5 star level and yet other aspects of their life were in total chaos. Perhaps they are an executive with a perfect office and imperfect marriage. Often when the big picture things start to get out of control we’re able to find certainty in the finer details. What if the economy is in chaos and there is nothing you can personally do? One way to find the feeling of certainty is in the things you do have control over. If done in a healthy way this can be an effective way to increase the certainty in your life. A direct example would be meeting with your financial planner or starting to study the markets more. An indirect
So why are we overcome with fear and worry in this kind of situation?
We get so emotional in these circumstances because we lose our sense of certainty. We’d come to grips that someone we love is traveling through or living in another country and we’d considered all the potential dangers and then created certainty in our minds that they’d be ok. When we hear about an accident it throws a wrench into all this. Suddenly the calculations change and we lose our certainty. Usually it is the reassurance of someone we trust, perhaps just saying “everything is going to be ok, I’m sure they are safe”, that helps us regain the certainty.
So what are some ways we’re able to meet our need for certainty on a day to day basis?
Finding Certainty in Uncertain Circumstances
If you were to strand a normal person, with no survival experience or special abilities, on an island you’d be very surprised with the creativity they’d muster to find water, food and shelter.
When we are deprived of a physical need the mind goes to work at 200% to find a solution. What most people don’t know is that the same thing is true for our human needs. When circumstances strip us of the usual ways we meet one of our needs our mind frantically starts working to find new and often creative ways to meet this need.
Once you understand the underlying processes driving what seems to be erratic behaviour, the entire process is actually quite fascinating; even entertaining in its own way
How to feel certainty in the most uncertain of circumstances
Over thousands of years humans have created many methods for creating certainty in the most uncertain of circumstances. There are three categories that these fall into:
Distractions
Details and Mastery
Faith Based
Distractions
Oh how human beings excel at distraction. Is there an impending war? Might your husband be leaving you soon? Are you overweight and risking serious illness. Fear not, just bring on the distractions and everything will be well! What we focus on is what we feel, so if we never focus on what is wrong we don’t have to feel anything negative right? Well, not exactly…
If you’re in a tough situation, and in that moment can’t take positive steps towards changing it, then distraction can provide a much needed temporary mental break. Consistent stress is not healthy and short-term distractions such as a movie, night out or glass of wine can provide much needed relief. Distraction ceases to be healthy and becomes a very negative pattern when we’re able to take action and change our circumstances but instead choose to distract ourselves from the problem(s) at hand. When we do this we are really just delaying the inevitable pain or discomfort. We will still need to overcome the problem, but we’re just making the problem worse by delaying it.
So keep distractions in the back of your mind but remember it is a short term solution to overwhelming stress and should never become a habitual response to problems.
Details and Mastery
Can you think of a time when you’ve seen someone’s home or office and all or certain parts of it were meticulously organized. Their space was kept at a 5 star level and yet other aspects of their life were in total chaos. Perhaps they are an executive with a perfect office and imperfect marriage. Often when the big picture things start to get out of control we’re able to find certainty in the finer details. What if the economy is in chaos and there is nothing you can personally do? One way to find the feeling of certainty is in the things you do have control over. If done in a healthy way this can be an effective way to increase the certainty in your life. A direct example would be meeting with your financial planner or starting to study the markets more. An indirect
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