already.” Her eyes meet mine and her air of innocence
doesn’t fool me. “But seriously, if you want me to come over, let me know,” she says.
Can she scream “I want to die” any louder? Did she not see the execution?
Cole leads me to the stairway in silence since the elevators malfunctioned halfway
through the day. Eight flights down and still nothing’s said between us. Zeus’s nails
click on the concrete as we descend, and I’m grateful for the noise.
His hand touches the small of my back when he leads me to the door of the Jeep. I
stiffen and he removes it.
“We’re taking the Jeep?” I ask.
“For now. Just get in.” His brusque voice reminds me of how mean he was last night,
ordering me around like some lowly servant.
So I lift myself in, holding the door handle, then strap the seatbelt on tight while
averting my eyes. All day, I pushed the thought of him, his buddies and the prostitutes
out of my mind, but now the memory comes up fresh and sharp. Anger flows through me
like a bursting dam.
Why does he act all nice and then treat me like crap? Why does he bother saving my
life if he’s going to treat me like trash on the street? He doesn’t make any sense.
He puts the Jeep in drive and we traverse back to our quarters. The entire time I
stare at the bleak, colorless monotony that’s become my life. The humid breeze plays
with my hair, but it doesn’t bring much relief. I feel Cole’s eyes boring holes into
the side of my face and try to ignore it, regardless of how many questions I want
to ask.
I’m scared too. I saw the execution the same as he did, but there’s no excuse for
being hostile now.
I’ve only been here a week and I’m already exhausted with trying to read his signals
and dance around his moods. At times, I want to explode like a bomb or give in to
my animalistic instincts like the others.
But my father raised me better. He’d be disappointed if I became what I’ve been labeled.
And I won’t give the commander the satisfaction of ruining me.
After Cole retires to his room, I let my hair down, giving my scalp a rest from the
ponytail. My long tendrils hang freely over my brand as I stand in front of the mirror.
“Sorry about last night. If I don’t treat you that way when they’re around… they’ll
start asking questions. I can’t have them doubting my ability to follow through with
my orders.”
His voice startles me and I spin around to face him. His tired eyes meet mine. His
face is apologetic. “And when they’re not?” I ask. “What about the camera in my room?
Aren’t you worried about them watching you talk to me right now?”
“I’m the one watching you on camera, not them. And from now on, in private, we’ll
be civil.”
I nod my head and turn away still feeling uneasy.
“You should be thankful I’m apologizing at all,” he says.
My eyes snap to his in disgust. “I trusted you with my life.”
“And I did my job.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be?” I ask.
“That’s all it can be.”
Okay, then.
Days pass in the same manner. Cole escorts me in silence. I nurse Alyssa, fold linens,
and keep a low profile. Alyssa loves the pillow I gave her, so she’s been a little
more receptive of my presence, but she still only gives me one-word answers when I
ask her how she’s doing. Every night, Cole leaves me food to eat, but neither of us
speaks. After our last exchange, I lost a lot of respect for him. It makes me uncomfortable
so I don’t ask him about the papers he had or if I’ll ever be free from surveillance.
I know he can’t enjoy watching me do nothing every night.
I lie on my mattress and run my hands through my long hair. The loneliness is driving
me crazy, so I start talking to Zeus, which, to tell the truth, is kind of nice. He
at least pretends to care, or seems to anyway.
Thursday. The day means nothing as usual. The head nurse, whose name I finally
doesn’t fool me. “But seriously, if you want me to come over, let me know,” she says.
Can she scream “I want to die” any louder? Did she not see the execution?
Cole leads me to the stairway in silence since the elevators malfunctioned halfway
through the day. Eight flights down and still nothing’s said between us. Zeus’s nails
click on the concrete as we descend, and I’m grateful for the noise.
His hand touches the small of my back when he leads me to the door of the Jeep. I
stiffen and he removes it.
“We’re taking the Jeep?” I ask.
“For now. Just get in.” His brusque voice reminds me of how mean he was last night,
ordering me around like some lowly servant.
So I lift myself in, holding the door handle, then strap the seatbelt on tight while
averting my eyes. All day, I pushed the thought of him, his buddies and the prostitutes
out of my mind, but now the memory comes up fresh and sharp. Anger flows through me
like a bursting dam.
Why does he act all nice and then treat me like crap? Why does he bother saving my
life if he’s going to treat me like trash on the street? He doesn’t make any sense.
He puts the Jeep in drive and we traverse back to our quarters. The entire time I
stare at the bleak, colorless monotony that’s become my life. The humid breeze plays
with my hair, but it doesn’t bring much relief. I feel Cole’s eyes boring holes into
the side of my face and try to ignore it, regardless of how many questions I want
to ask.
I’m scared too. I saw the execution the same as he did, but there’s no excuse for
being hostile now.
I’ve only been here a week and I’m already exhausted with trying to read his signals
and dance around his moods. At times, I want to explode like a bomb or give in to
my animalistic instincts like the others.
But my father raised me better. He’d be disappointed if I became what I’ve been labeled.
And I won’t give the commander the satisfaction of ruining me.
After Cole retires to his room, I let my hair down, giving my scalp a rest from the
ponytail. My long tendrils hang freely over my brand as I stand in front of the mirror.
“Sorry about last night. If I don’t treat you that way when they’re around… they’ll
start asking questions. I can’t have them doubting my ability to follow through with
my orders.”
His voice startles me and I spin around to face him. His tired eyes meet mine. His
face is apologetic. “And when they’re not?” I ask. “What about the camera in my room?
Aren’t you worried about them watching you talk to me right now?”
“I’m the one watching you on camera, not them. And from now on, in private, we’ll
be civil.”
I nod my head and turn away still feeling uneasy.
“You should be thankful I’m apologizing at all,” he says.
My eyes snap to his in disgust. “I trusted you with my life.”
“And I did my job.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be?” I ask.
“That’s all it can be.”
Okay, then.
Days pass in the same manner. Cole escorts me in silence. I nurse Alyssa, fold linens,
and keep a low profile. Alyssa loves the pillow I gave her, so she’s been a little
more receptive of my presence, but she still only gives me one-word answers when I
ask her how she’s doing. Every night, Cole leaves me food to eat, but neither of us
speaks. After our last exchange, I lost a lot of respect for him. It makes me uncomfortable
so I don’t ask him about the papers he had or if I’ll ever be free from surveillance.
I know he can’t enjoy watching me do nothing every night.
I lie on my mattress and run my hands through my long hair. The loneliness is driving
me crazy, so I start talking to Zeus, which, to tell the truth, is kind of nice. He
at least pretends to care, or seems to anyway.
Thursday. The day means nothing as usual. The head nurse, whose name I finally
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