The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön Page A

FIVE STRENGTHS are strong determination , familiarization with the bodhichitta teachings and practices, the seed of goodness that is found in every living being, the practice of reproach , and the power of aspiration . These are five ways that a warrior increases confidence and inspiration.
    Strong determination is our commitment to use our lives to dissolve the indifference, aggression, and grasping that separate us from one another. It is a commitment to respect whatever life brings. As warriors-in-training we develop wholehearted determination to use discomfort as an opportunity for awakening, rather than trying to make it disappear. How do we abide with disagreeable emotions without retreating into our familiar strategies? How do we catch our thoughts before they become 100 percent believable and solidify into “us” against “them”? Where do we find the warmth that is essential to the transformative process? We are committed to exploring these questions. We are determined to find a way to realize our kinship with others, determined to keep training in opening our mind. This strong determination generates strength.
    Familiarization is the strength that comes to us when we take the teachings to heart, becoming familiar with them by using them over and over. When we wake up in the morning and start our bodhichitta training anew, what will we use as material? Just our usual day in all its variations—pleasant, unpleasant, or simply mundane.
    What will happen to us today is completely unknown, as unknown as what will happen at death. Whatever happens, our commitment is to use it to awaken our heart. As one of the slogans says, “All activities should be done with one intention.” That intention is to realize our connection with all beings.
    Recently I had the pleasure of going to a friend’s swimming pool in the country. I had just received a letter, so when I got there I sat in the car and read it. The letter was very straightforward. It pointed out to me that in a particular situation I had neglected to communicate with the right people. My lack of clear communication had caused confusion and disappointment. Reading this letter brought up a surprising amount of pain. Everything in me wanted to exit, and I adopted a common strategy: blame. It was someone else’s fault that this had happened.
    Right there in the car, I got out a pen and began to write a letter to the person I was blaming. I made the blame solid and real: I put it down on paper. I knew enough to stop writing, but I said to myself, “How can I be asking other people to do this kind of practice? It’s asking too much. It’s too challenging, too hard.” I got out of the car and sat down next to the pool and the pain was so consuming that at first I forgot all about the bodhichitta teachings. I didn’t want to be a warrior. On the other hand, I know that unhappiness lies with exiting, with pointing myself away from the discomfort. Believe me, I’ve done it enough to know that this is true.
    I tried to encourage myself along the line that I am bigger than my thoughts and emotions. I also acknowledged my thoughts, listening to what I was saying about myself and others. But no shift was happening, absolutely none.
    Finally I got into the pool and started to swim laps. After going back and forth about six times, I put my elbows on the side of the pool and began to weep. At that point I was overwhelmed by a sense of how we suffer.
    Then, not because I was doing a particular practice but because I’m so familiar with finding the soft spot, a reservoir of empathy arose seemingly out of nowhere, completely available to me. I was able to connect profoundly with my brothers and sisters all over the world.
    All I had done there sitting by the pool was somehow to stay. I was trying to recall the teaching and to practice, but it didn’t really matter what I did. There is not a formula for doing this kind of work. My willingness to stay with the discomfort was