The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It by Valerie Young Page B
Authors: Valerie Young
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your attempts to evade the No-Talent Police were costing you
specifically
, you may have been hard-pressed to do so. But now you know. Being conscious of the price you pay for all that protection means you now have a more personalized incentive to continue taking the steps required to unlearn this unnecessarily self-limiting pattern.
At the same time, letting go of any habitual response, even when youknow it’s in your best interest to do so, is not easy. The familiar, even if it’s not working, is always more comfortable than the unknown. But growth is not meant to make us comfortable. Its purpose is to stretch us so we can perform at our full potential and achieve our highest purpose.
The good news is that all of the information you identified here constitutes your “before” picture. The feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that embody your impostor pattern now do not represent the self-assured person you are going to be. The ultimate payoff for the work you put in here will come at the end of this book when your “after” picture fully emerges.
In the meantime there really are small things you can do to become the self-assured person you are meant to be. For example, if you know that you’re procrastinating or that you have yet to finish an important task, then put a stake in the ground right now and set a completion date. Next, build in accountability by publically declaring your deadline. Then get out your calendar and make an appointment with yourself to work on this project. Time blocking, as it’s called, helps ensure that you don’t schedule other things on the days—or part of a day—you’ve set aside to work on this task.
On this last point, stop telling yourself that you can’t possibly work on something unless you can devote an entire day to it. Anything that involves a lot of steps or time to complete almost always gets done in small focused chunks of time over a period of days, weeks, months, or even years. To get yourself started, set a timer for forty-five minutes to an hour and focus all of your attention on chipping away at that one thing. When the timer goes off, you can stop. However, since the hardest part was getting started, there’s a good chance you’ll keep going. Either way you’ll not only
get
more accomplished but you’ll
feel
more accomplished too.
If you’ve been relying on charm or perceptiveness to win approval, rather than continuing to seek validation from others, make a point ofcelebrating your next accomplishment. If you’ve been engaging in intellectual flattery, ask a role model to lunch and practice talking about your own views or work. If you know you’ve been doing things to sabotage yourself, pay attention to what you’re doing and why, then practice what it feels like to show up for yourself. If you’ve been avoiding applying yourself, pick one goal to tackle this week.
Other things you can do: Ask someone you trust for feedback. Share something with another person that you’re proud of, maybe something you wrote or won. Write yourself a letter of recommendation so that you can see your accomplishments and attributes through someone else’s eyes. Resolve to accept your next compliment graciously. Rewrite your résumé, adding accomplishments and skills you had previously omitted or downplayed. Speak up without self-judgment in your next meeting or class. Take a public-speaking seminar or join Toastmaster. Role-play a challenging exchange/event. Make a list of the reasons why you deserve a raise or promotion. Join a study group, writing group, or other support group designed to help people stay on track. Spend five minutes a day visualizing yourself being confident in a situation where you typically feel anything but.
The Bottom Line
Marie Curie said, “Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” Although impostors everywhere share the fundamental fear of being unmasked,
specifically
, you may have been hard-pressed to do so. But now you know. Being conscious of the price you pay for all that protection means you now have a more personalized incentive to continue taking the steps required to unlearn this unnecessarily self-limiting pattern.
At the same time, letting go of any habitual response, even when youknow it’s in your best interest to do so, is not easy. The familiar, even if it’s not working, is always more comfortable than the unknown. But growth is not meant to make us comfortable. Its purpose is to stretch us so we can perform at our full potential and achieve our highest purpose.
The good news is that all of the information you identified here constitutes your “before” picture. The feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that embody your impostor pattern now do not represent the self-assured person you are going to be. The ultimate payoff for the work you put in here will come at the end of this book when your “after” picture fully emerges.
In the meantime there really are small things you can do to become the self-assured person you are meant to be. For example, if you know that you’re procrastinating or that you have yet to finish an important task, then put a stake in the ground right now and set a completion date. Next, build in accountability by publically declaring your deadline. Then get out your calendar and make an appointment with yourself to work on this project. Time blocking, as it’s called, helps ensure that you don’t schedule other things on the days—or part of a day—you’ve set aside to work on this task.
On this last point, stop telling yourself that you can’t possibly work on something unless you can devote an entire day to it. Anything that involves a lot of steps or time to complete almost always gets done in small focused chunks of time over a period of days, weeks, months, or even years. To get yourself started, set a timer for forty-five minutes to an hour and focus all of your attention on chipping away at that one thing. When the timer goes off, you can stop. However, since the hardest part was getting started, there’s a good chance you’ll keep going. Either way you’ll not only
get
more accomplished but you’ll
feel
more accomplished too.
If you’ve been relying on charm or perceptiveness to win approval, rather than continuing to seek validation from others, make a point ofcelebrating your next accomplishment. If you’ve been engaging in intellectual flattery, ask a role model to lunch and practice talking about your own views or work. If you know you’ve been doing things to sabotage yourself, pay attention to what you’re doing and why, then practice what it feels like to show up for yourself. If you’ve been avoiding applying yourself, pick one goal to tackle this week.
Other things you can do: Ask someone you trust for feedback. Share something with another person that you’re proud of, maybe something you wrote or won. Write yourself a letter of recommendation so that you can see your accomplishments and attributes through someone else’s eyes. Resolve to accept your next compliment graciously. Rewrite your résumé, adding accomplishments and skills you had previously omitted or downplayed. Speak up without self-judgment in your next meeting or class. Take a public-speaking seminar or join Toastmaster. Role-play a challenging exchange/event. Make a list of the reasons why you deserve a raise or promotion. Join a study group, writing group, or other support group designed to help people stay on track. Spend five minutes a day visualizing yourself being confident in a situation where you typically feel anything but.
The Bottom Line
Marie Curie said, “Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” Although impostors everywhere share the fundamental fear of being unmasked,
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