The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman Page A

of their relationships without telling their partners.

    Illustration 3. Making a Dental Dam
    Here is a recommended safer-sex strategy for monogamous couples (two partners having sex exclusively with each other): For six months, use latex barriers every time you have sex. (See the safer-sex techniques, below.) After six months, both of you can get thorough gynecological exams, including a Pap smear and blood tests for STDs. If all tests are negative, you may decide to forgo latex barriers. However, if one of you has a viral STD, such as herpes, HPV, hepatitis C, or HIV, safer-sex practices are recommended to prevent transmission of the STD. If one of you has a bacterial STD, such as chlamydia, use latex barriers until you’ve completed treatment.
    Some women in nonmonogamous relationships choose to fluid-bond with their primary sexual partner. They share bodily fluids with only that partner, while using latex barriers with everyone else. Should one partner “slip” and engage in unsafe sex with an outside partner, the commitment is to tell the other right away. The partners can then assess the risk and make safer-sex decisions. Again, this presumes a high degree of trust.
Safer-Sex Guidelines for Lesbian and Bisexual Women
These guidelines are intended to help you make choices about sex with women:
• Oral sex: Use dental dams, Lollyes, or plastic wrap for cunnilingus and rimming. Put a drop of water-based lube on the genital side of the dam.You can also cut up a latex glove or unlubed condom to make a barrier for oral sex (see illustration).
• Finger-fucking and fisting: Use gloves for hand-to-vagina or hand-to-anus penetration.
• Change gloves when moving from anal to vaginal penetration and when you change partners. Remove the glove before you touch yourself.
• Masturbation: Don’t touch your vulva, anus, or favorite sex toy with the same hand you’ve just used to touch your partner’s vulva or anus—change hands or wash up first.
• Dress your toys: Use condoms on dildos, butt plugs, and vibrators.
• Sharing toys: If you share toys, be sure to use condoms and clean thoroughly between uses with an antibacterial soap.
• Use water-based lube: Never use oil-based lubricants with latex products. (Oil will break down latex.) Do not use oil-based lube for vaginal penetration.
• Avoid products with nonoxynol-9: While “noxious-9” has been shown to kill HIV in some laboratory tests, it can be irritating to vaginal and rectal tissue. Certain women experience vaginal infections after using nonoxynol-9. The product can actually increase the risk of HIV transmission by irritating the delicate rectal tissue, providing a direct route to the bloodstream. 5
• Yeast infections: If your lube is giving you yeast or other infections, switch to a lube that doesn’t list glycerin as an ingredient.
• Bacterial vaginosis: If your partner has a vaginal infection, see a gynecologist—and refrain from unprotected sex with your partner.
• Urinary tract infections: Urinating after penetrative sex can help prevent a urinary tract infection. Remember to drink plenty of water as well.
• Do not share needles, whether for IV drug use, play piercing, permanent piercing, or tattooing.
• Blood play: Wear gloves during any activity that may bring you in contact with a partner’s blood, such as piercing, cutting, or shaving. Be careful not to stick yourself. Dispose of sharps properly.
• Dispose of gloves and condoms carefully: Turn gloves and condoms inside out as you pull them off to prevent exposure to bodily fluids.
• Clean your sex toys with an antibacterial soap after every use.
• Wash your hands frequently with an antibacterial soap.
• If you have sex with men, use condoms for fellatio (or avoid ejaculation in the mouth). Use condoms for vaginal or anal penetration.
    Asking a new partner about her STD status is not foolproof either. While it’s good to know a partner’s story, you can hardly take a thorough