me who the lax bro across the street was, and I said I didn’t know. And she said lax bros are tools and I said he seems pretty nice, but then she kept talking more shit about “guys like that.” I didn’t want to ruin the night so I just let her and Janet laugh about it. I kept telling myselfto keep calm and stay quiet, because Noah is none of their business.
The party was for some older guys Janet knew who graduated a few years ago and now basically just deal drugs. Alex has a crush on one of the guys, Gabe, and when we were standing out by the bonfire doing whiskey shots, Gabe’s friend said I was hot. I turned to Alex and was like, “Good news, apparently the tranny whore look is in. Maybe you should rethink your homeless lesbian wardrobe.” I have a feeling that was the liquid courage talking, so I kept drinking and before I knew it I couldn’t find her anymore, which meant she either left without me or went upstairs to have sex with Gabe. Neither of which were options I cared to think about too much.
So I walked out and some guy who seemed all amped up on happy pills offered to give me a ride home, but I try to avoid one-on-one time with future date rapists. I couldn’t call Marc. He’d freak out. So that left only one person nice enough and sober enough for me to drunk dial in the middle of the night.
SOS
HELP! COME GET ME!!!!
Nobody’s ever texted me at 3:00 AM before.
I stare at my phone,
all bleary, before seeing it’s Moe.
WHERE R U? I write.
She writes back: FELONY FLATS.
I lie there, pondering my escape,
and finally I get up and slide on my slippers
and sneak out of my room
using the light from my phone
as my own little lightsaber.
I slip down the hallway
and thank God I’ve got skills as a thief.
I crawl into the master bedroom
at the opposite end of the entryway
and ever so quietly
grab my dad’s keys off the dresser
and in slow motion
I crawl out,
freezing on my knees when there’s a
creak,
but fortunately they keep sleeping
so I tiptoe downstairs,
out the front door,
down the driveway,
and get in the car
and go.
Drive
I feel like an action-hero car thief,
like I am Ryan Gosling in
Drive
about to speed his way out of trouble.
I don’t have a driver’s license yet,
but my dad gave me driving lessons a few months ago,
before he knew I was a delinquent.
So I start the car and switch it into gear.
Once I make it down the driveway in reverse,
I realize I’ve never driven at night.
If I’m caught now
something surely terrible will happen to me.
I could go to prison.
That thought alone
should stop me from doing it,
but somehow danger
is an excellent motivator.
Shawn never talks about it in class,
but the truth is, danger makes you feel more alive
than regular living.
You can feel your lungs expanding and your heart pumping
and your corpuscles contracting.
I guess they probably say sex makes you feel alive too,
but since I’ve never had it,
this is as good as it gets for me.
Ember
When I get to Felony Flats,
I see Moe sitting on the curb
in front of a run-down house
with a bunch of old furniture on the lawn
and heavy metal blasting.
The only thing visible is the small flame of her cigarette.
She is an ember burning in the dark in fishnets.
When I get closer, I see a hole in the netting.
She crawls into the car.
You’re here
, she says with a sigh,
and falls into my shoulder.
Thanks, El.
She has that boozy smell, the one my dad had for days
after my mom’s funeral,
before he woke up one day
and went back to work,
met a secretary in his public relations department,
married her,
and never looked back.
Moe puts her feet up on the dash
and I see the cut on her leg.
What happened to you?
She just shrugs
and I take the cigarette out of her hand
before it burns the seat.
I’m almost about to throw it out the window,
but instead I take a puff.
I hold it in for a second before I realize
I have no idea what I’m
The party was for some older guys Janet knew who graduated a few years ago and now basically just deal drugs. Alex has a crush on one of the guys, Gabe, and when we were standing out by the bonfire doing whiskey shots, Gabe’s friend said I was hot. I turned to Alex and was like, “Good news, apparently the tranny whore look is in. Maybe you should rethink your homeless lesbian wardrobe.” I have a feeling that was the liquid courage talking, so I kept drinking and before I knew it I couldn’t find her anymore, which meant she either left without me or went upstairs to have sex with Gabe. Neither of which were options I cared to think about too much.
So I walked out and some guy who seemed all amped up on happy pills offered to give me a ride home, but I try to avoid one-on-one time with future date rapists. I couldn’t call Marc. He’d freak out. So that left only one person nice enough and sober enough for me to drunk dial in the middle of the night.
SOS
HELP! COME GET ME!!!!
Nobody’s ever texted me at 3:00 AM before.
I stare at my phone,
all bleary, before seeing it’s Moe.
WHERE R U? I write.
She writes back: FELONY FLATS.
I lie there, pondering my escape,
and finally I get up and slide on my slippers
and sneak out of my room
using the light from my phone
as my own little lightsaber.
I slip down the hallway
and thank God I’ve got skills as a thief.
I crawl into the master bedroom
at the opposite end of the entryway
and ever so quietly
grab my dad’s keys off the dresser
and in slow motion
I crawl out,
freezing on my knees when there’s a
creak,
but fortunately they keep sleeping
so I tiptoe downstairs,
out the front door,
down the driveway,
and get in the car
and go.
Drive
I feel like an action-hero car thief,
like I am Ryan Gosling in
Drive
about to speed his way out of trouble.
I don’t have a driver’s license yet,
but my dad gave me driving lessons a few months ago,
before he knew I was a delinquent.
So I start the car and switch it into gear.
Once I make it down the driveway in reverse,
I realize I’ve never driven at night.
If I’m caught now
something surely terrible will happen to me.
I could go to prison.
That thought alone
should stop me from doing it,
but somehow danger
is an excellent motivator.
Shawn never talks about it in class,
but the truth is, danger makes you feel more alive
than regular living.
You can feel your lungs expanding and your heart pumping
and your corpuscles contracting.
I guess they probably say sex makes you feel alive too,
but since I’ve never had it,
this is as good as it gets for me.
Ember
When I get to Felony Flats,
I see Moe sitting on the curb
in front of a run-down house
with a bunch of old furniture on the lawn
and heavy metal blasting.
The only thing visible is the small flame of her cigarette.
She is an ember burning in the dark in fishnets.
When I get closer, I see a hole in the netting.
She crawls into the car.
You’re here
, she says with a sigh,
and falls into my shoulder.
Thanks, El.
She has that boozy smell, the one my dad had for days
after my mom’s funeral,
before he woke up one day
and went back to work,
met a secretary in his public relations department,
married her,
and never looked back.
Moe puts her feet up on the dash
and I see the cut on her leg.
What happened to you?
She just shrugs
and I take the cigarette out of her hand
before it burns the seat.
I’m almost about to throw it out the window,
but instead I take a puff.
I hold it in for a second before I realize
I have no idea what I’m
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