a flick or dancing even. Not that Im much of a dancer. But she wouldnt say when or if wed see each other again. I watched her waltz off into the night. I wished the day could begin again. I climbed the stairs whistling and nursing all the flavours of the afternoon, making sure I wouldnt forget a single moment. I propped the paper on my table and dug out my folder with the other clippings. I sat down and read the news in detail. I read it again and turned to some of the earlier reports. I began to rub my scar. This didnt feel right. On my third reading I became convinced; theyd got the wrong man. They were quoting my old friend Detective Inspector Wilson of the Yard. A suspect has confessed to the murder of all three unfortunate women. The suspect was apprehended yesterday evening after a tip-off from a vigilant member of the public. The suspect is an army deserter who was apprehended in the act of burning a blood-stained army greatcoat in the backyard of the block of flats. The constables were attacked with a bayonet which may be the murder weapon. A search of his flat revealed other stained items of clothes. All items have been sent for analysis. The journalist hadnt let it rest there. He went on to quote neighbours. They described the man as drunk and violent. He frequently had women round to his flat. Often these sessions would end up in fights, verbal and physical. There were reports of disturbing smells coming from the flat and late night screams. Great, but it didnt fit with my view of the murderer. Whoever had been doing these killings went about his business quietly and discreetly. He wouldnt make a song and dance about it and draw attention to himself. He wouldnt be so stupid as to wear an army greatcoat on his murderous outings. Nor would he stand in the backyard of his flats and try to burn the evidence. The real murderer was wicked, not stupid; evil, not careless. He wasnt a loudmouth with a penchant for drunken parties. So why did he have a bayonet? There are thousands of war souvenirs out there. I hear of one bloke who came home with a German motorbike and sidecar still fitted with a machine gun. But why did he confess? Did Herbert Wilson and his merry men beat it out of him? Was he drunk or delusional? Ive seen other confessions that turned out to be false; from lost men, men on the fringes, wanting attention, any attention, including infamy; or so addled with booze or drugs that theyd say yes to being the Pope. It was a favourite test of mine. The real killer was still out there, reading this and laughing at us. How long would it be before he proved it? I ringed Wilsons quote with my thick black pencil and scrawled Ha bloody ha! across it. I cut it out and put it with the rest. I turned to the bottle to see if I could hang on to the best part of the day, but it was already fading and I could feel another damned headache creeping up on me. As though the false hope had soured things. It wasnt fair. But then I wasnt expecting it to be. Its a bitter thought that on sunny days Scots say to each other: fine day, enjoy it, itll no last. I fought against the tide of pain that was gathering behind my eyes. But finally I surrendered and crawled into my bed. The pressure built and I pleaded for it to stop. But I was crushed and drowned and sent off into my personal dark
It was a beauty. It came and went over two days. A high price for half a days simple pleasure. I emerged shaking and thirsty and unshaven. The mirror told me of my suffering. The sink stank of my vomit and the porridge had grown a fine culture. My clothes looked like theyd been borrowed by a tramp for a month. When I had half my vision again, I saw my jotter had been used. I couldnt face it, not yet. I scraped my beard until my chin was covered in bloodied bits of paper, then took myself down to the slipper baths at Camberwell, towel under my arm. My head had an anvil pressing down on it and my