Welcome to Envy Park by Mina V. Esguerra

strange feeling in my
stomach, an unarticulated ball of blah on the tip of my tongue. I
wasn’t sure how to say it, only that I think it was about dating,
and sex, and if for some reason I was pre-labeled as one kind of
girl but wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted or was accurate
at all.
    But I had a feeling I couldn’t
unload this all on JM yet. "I forgot what it was. Let’s work on
‘scrumptious’ instead."
     

Chapter 15

    I stopped going to the gym. That was Ethan’s space,
always had been, and I was going to let him have it.
    How dramatic for me to even think
that, by the way, as if we were exes who had to divide property and
routines. In moody moments I felt a loss like he was indeed a
former something. Which I would chase away with Never mind you’re not getting anywhere with him anyway,
what’s the point .
    Because if we were to be practical about things, we
shouldn’t even waste time thinking about guys with leases renewed
every two weeks. Bad idea.
    In any case, my workouts moved up to daytime swims,
where Matilda sat there and watched me. For a few days since the
clinic visit she had a small bandage on her nose, but she never
mentioned anything about it again.
    Soon after his morning smoke, JM would join us, with
a new spiel or a revised version of his script, and we would go
over it while Matilda watched us from the shade. Or not even watch
us, but stare out into the business park in the distance.
    I kind of didn’t want to know how
she was able to afford all this, anymore. Maybe JM had the better
deal, with his army of people working to keep him pretty and fit
and full of protein. They weren’t exactly springing for speaking
lessons—the point of a hosting job ironically—but that just showed
what their priorities were.
    But JM was getting better at the speaking. Or he’d
do well, if his TV show people didn’t keep changing the script on
him, sending him slightly different spiels that replaced words that
we had already worked on and that he could already say
properly.
    "Do these people know what they’re
doing?" I kidded once.
    He smiled. "They’re making sure I
get money for doing just this. Can’t complain."
    Sometimes, on idle afternoons after my swim and
between checking my email for updates on my applications, Sarah
would ask me to watch Liam. The toddler and I would just stay in
the Tower 3 lobby and I’d watch as he played with his toy of the
day. Sometimes a train set, sometimes a robot, one time a coloring
book and a set of washable markers. Thank God they were washable
because Liam started coloring the table the book was on top of, and
I spent most of my afternoon just washing up after him. The
Japanese grandmother who was always sitting on the chair nearest
the entrance started speaking to me at this point, no doubt telling
me what I should be doing, except I could barely understand
her.
    All in all though, he was a well-behaved kid. Sarah
did spend all of her time just taking care of him. Not a lifestyle
I would have chosen for myself, but she seemed to be really into
it.
    My mom worked. So did her mom. And
my dad’s sisters. I didn’t really have anyone around me who chose
to stay at home to take care of the kids, so I didn’t naturally see
it as my path. In any case Liam started calling me "Ta Moi"
(closest thing to Tita Moira) and that made me feel a tiny bit
giddy.
    I didn’t see or hear from Ethan all this time.
     
    -/\/\/\-
     
    Megan,
    I have had a heater installed. You will be happy.
Can’t wait to see you when you get here.
     
    Moira
     
    Yeah that was a job-interview truth.
     
    -/\/\/\-
     
    "How’s the connection,
Moira?"
    "It’s great, Stacy. Thanks for
setting this up."
    "No problem. Thanks for going
through the trouble of applying online. A lot of people give up
when they see the forms."
    "Forms don’t scare me."
    "So, you’re back in Manila? I
noticed that your last job was Singapore."
    "Yeah, just came home to settle
some things, and would like to