When I Was Joe by Keren David

think.”’ I leave out Arron’s sneering ‘pretty boy’.
    DI Morris sighs. He scratches his head again. He says to DC Bettany, as though I’m not even there, ‘What I don’t understand is why two bright boys were getting mixed up with all this. They were at a well-regarded school, a Catholic school, they had good hard-working motherswho cared about them.’
    I don’t think it’s up to me to explain why Arron might have been doing whatever he was doing when I didn’t officially know he was doing anything. And I was very careful not to get mixed up in anything at all.
    DC Bettany is watching me: ‘You know, Ty, if you’d blown the whistle on Arron when this all started, then just think what could have been avoided.’
    It all gets a bit blurry after that. DI Morris goes off to talk to Mum in the kitchen, and, left alone in the living room, I lay my head down on the cushion. . .
    . . .
I’m running and running and the person who’s chasing me is going to hurt me, there’s a knife in his hand, he’s going to hurt me, but he looks just like me. . .
    Nicki is calling me, Nicki’s going to save me. I wake with a shudder, and grab her hand. ‘Nic . . . someone was chasing me. . .’
    â€˜It’s OK, Ty, It was only a dream.’ She’s sitting by me on the sofa. ‘The police have just gone. They’re going to make an addition to your statement and come back with it another day for you to sign. Time for bed – you’ve got school in the morning.’
    Slowly I remember what’s just happened. ‘Are we leaving? Are you angry?’
    If she walloped me for the knife, what the hell’s going to happen over the drugs?
    She shakes her head. ‘Let’s talk tomorrow. But no, we’re not leaving right away. They persuaded me. Said they’ll arrange a holiday with the family and help with finding a job. They guilt-tripped me – asked me to think how I’d feel if it’d been you lying there dead in that park. It may not come to anything anyway. The prosecution lawyers have to look at the evidence before they decide whether it can even go to trial.’
    All this for a trial that may never happen. ‘I wasn’t dealing drugs, honest, but I didn’t ask Arron what he was up to.’
    â€˜That Arron,’ she says. ‘He’s got a lot to answer for. Ty, you’re not carrying a knife any more, are you?’
    I shake my head, no. I’m not carrying a knife because I’ve seen what knives can do. But I need one for the same reason. It’s a problem that nags at me all the time.
    Lying in bed later, I can’t get back to sleep. I’m feeling hot and cold, and like I’m going to be sick. I keep on hearing DC Bettany’s words in my head. It’s all my fault, I can see that now. I didn’t do anything then, because Arron wouldn’t have been my friend any more. But now I’ve lost my friend forever, and there’s a death on my conscience.

CHAPTER 10
Top Shop
    I struggle through the next day, yawning a lot and wishing I could just go home and sleep. Mr Hunt isn’t in a forgiving mood so I have double detention, and even training on the track feels like a chore. I go through the motions but Ellie is disappointed. ‘Get some rest this weekend,’ she says, ‘and I’ll see you on Sunday at the inter-school race.’
    Come Saturday morning, I’d be happy just to stay in bed. But Mum is definitely ready to leave the house. She’s found her make-up and plucked her eyebrows, which makes her look younger and sharper. She’s experimented with her hair – spiked it up and added red highlights from some dodgy spray. It’s weird – she’s always been blonde as long as I can remember – but it suits her. The word that my Auntie Emma woulduse is edgy. I tell her she looks great and she seems